SIL Lunch nonsense, warning VERY trivial

(167 Posts)
monkeynuts123 Sun 03-Mar-13 08:53:21

Ok SIL is a pain in the arse, being tricky and controlling with everything. She has had lunch with us many times and knows the children eat lunch at 12.00 - 12.30, being very early risers and are starving by lunchtime and cannot wait a minute more. She knows this, this is something we all laugh about. She has made lots comments in past that we should generally feed kids before us so we can 'relax and eat' but we LIKE to eat with our kids as a family and they won't sit at teh table without food and are unlikely to play peacefully while we eat and enjoy adult time (being 11 months and 3 years).

Today for lunch she invites us for 1.00pm. I txt saying can we please make it lunch for 12.30 as kids crawl walls after that and seems silly to feed them first. She txts back oh come as planned and we'll feed kids first and we can eat after.

I'm just pissed right off with this. What sort of grown up can't eat frigging lunch half hour earlier so kids are ok. SO I said we'd come as planned and all eat together. Suppose I'll feed the hungry tigers before we go and put up with them being unsettled at the table but so irritated with sodding irritating and controlling SIL. AIBU? What would you do? p.s there is always some problem with this woman!

Flossyfloof Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:29

Her invite, her timing. Everyone's world doesn't have to revolve around your kids. YABU.

HobKnob Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:34

Sorry but I think YABU. Why should everyone else's lives change for your children?

FWIW mine also eat at 12, but if we have a later invitation I either feed them first or give them a late snack.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 08:56:36

She is the host, you are the guest. She gets to dictate meal times in her house. You don't have to accept the invitation.

NotMostPeople Sun 03-Mar-13 08:57:06

And you say SHE's controlling?

Just give them a biscuit/banana/whatever to keep them going until lunch. Its only one day!

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:57:41

i think yabu. just takin the point alone that your kids always eat at 12.30. why make a rod for your own back .. you wont always be able to have lunch at this time unless you never leave the house. so that reason i think yabu.

however if i invited someone to my house i would like to at least make an effort for them and try get lunch on in time for them if thats what they really wanted. there is obviously more history between ye two than you are letting on. but its extreme calling her controlling ... YOU are trying to control what time this woman has lunch at her house.

anyways, just for yourself you may try and start having lunch at different times and learn to handle/teach your kids to deal with it. for your own sake.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Sun 03-Mar-13 08:57:46

Yabu. Can't you give the children a late morning snack to keep them going?

It's not really on to dictate when everyone eats based on your children's schedule.

trixymalixy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:58:07

YABU, just give them a mid morning snack to keep them going. 1 is a perfectly acceptable time for lunch. I can't bear people who have such rigid schedules that there is no flexibility ever.

myBOYSareBONKERS Sun 03-Mar-13 08:58:22

I don't think it's your SIL who is the controlling one

silverfrog Sun 03-Mar-13 08:58:49

Seriously? I'd say you are being pfb, except you have 2 children...

I know what it is like to have children who need to eat on the dot, but honestly, you can't control the whole world!

Feed them a snack mid-morning, a d then a slightly later lunch. The world won't end.

outtolunchagain Sun 03-Mar-13 08:59:03

Can't you just give them a snack at 11.00 to tide them over. I know it's annoying ( my family always wanted to do lunch at 2.30 which was practically tea time when mine were small) but being quite so rigid over meal times will become more difficult as they get older. At 11 months fine but at 3 , they need to start to be a bit more flexible , perhaps this is a good opportunity to give it a go

CheungFun Sun 03-Mar-13 08:59:18

I think just give them a good snack before lunch to keep them going the extra half an hour.

My DS is always hungry so I kind of get where you're coming from, but it's a one off occasion.

Another YABU. This is what snacks were invented for.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:59:42

kinda want to know what happens if kids dont get fed at 12.30 ... do their heads do a 360 excorcist style?

teacher123 Sun 03-Mar-13 08:59:47

I think YABU. And I speak as approximately the most routine conscious parent to pfb DS 10mo. What would trouble me more is that would clash with naptime so I'd have to put DS down after about 1/2 hour. However then I would get to eat lunch in peace...!

MsElisaDay Sun 03-Mar-13 09:00:19

YABU.
She's cooking, she's the host, she decides what time you eat. 1pm is early enough for Sunday lunch, I can understand her not wanting to eat earlier. I wouldn't either.

You're being the controlling one here, not her. Just feed the kids beforehand and make them fit in with their aunt's plans- not the other way round.

Kytti Sun 03-Mar-13 09:00:30

YANBU - I'd be pissed off too. But; you clearly don't like her much, so why go?

Finallygotaroundtoit Sun 03-Mar-13 09:00:43

Sounds like she wants adult style lunch with you and is hoping dc will play quietly or fall sleep. Does she have any? smile

BeckAndCall Sun 03-Mar-13 09:00:45

I can't for the life of me see why the rest of your acquaintances have to change their timings to fit around your children......

FlowerTruck Sun 03-Mar-13 09:01:09

I agree with the others, It's you who is being very unreasonable.

FierceBadIggi Sun 03-Mar-13 09:02:23

Does the 3 year old go to nursery? Will they adapt to your schedule? Generally speaking, feeding kids then adults is more relaxing. Give it a try today and see how you feel. Do you not give them anything from an early breakfast to lunch normally? (Milk surely for the baby?)

peggyblackett Sun 03-Mar-13 09:02:28

YABU.

Ingles2 Sun 03-Mar-13 09:02:28

Yabu ... Very. And pfb.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 03-Mar-13 09:02:34

I don't think SIL is the controlling one hmm

My children are similar to yours in that theyre hungry enough for lunch by 12 and really need lunch by 12.30.

But if we're eating at someone elses house we work around this though. I would never dream of demanding we eat earlier at someone elses house! That is incredibly rude and entitled. Also the fact SIL has said "ok we'll feed them first and we can eat after" kind of speaks volumes to me. She doesnt want to eat with your precious children.

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