to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

(188 Posts)
BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 02:59:27

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:57

YY means yes yes or "I agree"

WhatsTheBuzz, if someone came on MN and said that, they'd probably get a pasting for what THEY did, and rightly so.

Sexual assault/harrassment goes both ways, and I imagine a lot of people would be more likely to react violently to unwanted attention if they've been drinking, based on my experience of people in pubs.

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Having been the only sober person in a lot of pubs, I've seen this sort of thing happen a lot, and it's really depressing sad

I cannot believe some of you who are saying the OP should be arrested!! Yes perhaps she shouldn't have slapped him, however, he physically and sexually assaulted her!

OP I hope you re feeling better now, sorry that this has happened to you.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:24

I would have reacted just like you. Thats horrible.

I went to a gig once in Brighton, it was a really famous band so the place was rammed. Someone from behind me reached his hand through my legs and ran his fingers from my fanny up to my arse. I span round but all I could see was a lot of faces leaping up and down to the band.

I remember feeling sick and horrifically violated. My second thought was, if that made me feel so suddenly awful, I couldnt bare to think what how a victim of rape must feel.

I turned back round and he did it again. I let immediately, night ruined.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:24

true Doctrine. well imo it depended really on whether i thought she was bu or not. he did grope her and no doubt it IS sexualt assault however i wanted to determine if she did in fact throw a class as I would have definately said she was bu then. but now that i know better she wasnt.

OneHandFlapping Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:38

Maybe that's one guy who will think twice about grabbig a woman's breast in a bar again.

It may be a risky thing to do to slap/throw drinks over him, but I'm guessing adrenaline took over. And it's because women generally don't engage with these louts that they continue to get away with it.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:34:23

Fluckered I was joking, sorry was trying to stop a bunfight op probably has a headache this morning grin

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:35:48

omg WellSlap and YourHand thats horrific.

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:36:36

I agree they would get a pasting but would anyone actually believe that
the smack in the face was deserved, 'good on him for slapping you!' ?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 03-Mar-13 08:36:58

sad What a complete shit of a man.

Did your Dh not intervene?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:37:36

Whatsthrbuzz I dont think think a pinched bottom would get the same upset reaction (but upset no doubt). A groped breast is far worse.

You cannot compare a woman pinching a mans bum to a man groping a womans breast.

Had you said a woman groping a mans crotch, then Id have agreed. Id not be suprised if a woman haf a drink in her face if she did that!

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:37:37

sorry Buzzard i havent a clue about the dialect but now that you say it that Ayesha one on Rearenders always says "us" as well when she means herself. smile

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:06

God, Nancy - that sounds horrendous. You never forget shit like that, and yet I bet that bloke never gave it a second thought after the event. sad

If someone got a slap for pinching some guy's arse, then they can't really expect too much sympathy. However, surely it doesn't require too much in terms of intelligence to see that a man sexually assault in a woman is a different kettle of fish, given that men almost inevitably have a physical advantage over women (size and/or strength).

This adds another whole, very scary and threatening layer to any sort of 'exchange'... The powerlessness to know you more than likely won't be able to properly defend yourself should it get out of hand, is really frightening.

peedoffbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:08

Bloody hell no wonder the OP hasn't come back! The point of the post was to talk about the sexual assault but that has now been lost. Poor woman.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:20

I think the DH was elsewhere in the bar, MrsKR.

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:44:00

well,
I was going to say 'grabbed some bloke's crotch' but I can be a bit
prudish. I still don't think anyone would have even slightly agreed it's
ok for a woman to be slapped by a man for doing it though.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:44:21

Given the OP got in about 3am, I hope she's not come back cos she's still asleep!

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:45:12

OP posted at 3am and her words was "quiet drunk". she is probably sleeping it off. give her a chance.

BramshawHill Sun 03-Mar-13 08:47:11

That's awful, I'm sorry you had to experience that. You were absolutely not being unreasonable, in that kind of situation your instincts kick in to protect you.

I'd definitely consider calling the pub and asking if they have CCTV, most do these days. Maybe they'll even bar him!

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:48:54

No, she slapped his face when he laughed at her.

Bloody hell no wonder the OP hasn't come back! The point of the post was to talk about the sexual assault but that has now been lost. Poor woman.

^^This.

That is really awful - spoiled your whole night out too

I was in a bar years ago and a guy grabbed my breast - before I knew it I'd smacked him so hard round then face there was a cracking sound! He grabbed his face and mumbled sorry and fled!

I don't regret doing that one bit

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:24

Is this not a police matter?
Yes, the op may get done for something, or several things as well.

But the man concerned needs to have it on police record what he has done imo.

I would also hope there is video evidence?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:44

<shrugs>

I actually couldnt care less about a crotch grabbing woman situation, thinking about it. Because this thread is losing its point.

Typical MN style, the OP has been sexually assaulted and people point out where they think she has BU.

<rolls eyes>

If a woman was raped, should she not fight, punch, scratch, bite, scream and kick?

This is just a lesser scale IMO.

Its very unsisterly to look at it from a male perspective 'what would happen to a man if HE got fondled and slapped her'

Who cares? It doesnt happen.

You know why? Because its a man world. One in which he thinks its ok to grope a strangers breast and laugh at her.

And you whatsthebuzz come on here and see it from a mans perspective.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:56:52

Good for you fairy. Wish I had stuck up for myself on the numerous times I have been groped.

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