to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

(188 Posts)
BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 02:59:27

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:30

"i bought us a drink". still confused .. was it one or two drinks the op had?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:40

Ah, x-post.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:08:20

Doctrine it is relevant because throwing a drink over someone is one thing but the glass as well? different story and even if he did touch her first her actions would far outweigh if glass throwing was involved.

sashh Sun 03-Mar-13 08:08:29

OP YANBU.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:09:29

Whichever - I think it's pretty clear she didn't throw the glass or she wouldn't have had "what was left of the drink" to throw at the bloke's friend.

Maybe she and DH were sharing a pint.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:10:40

She said she 'chucked what was left of her drink', so she must've still been holding the glass. No mention at all of throwing the actual glass.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:10:44

true Doctrine. was just trying to picture the scenario as she typed it. but to answer OP yanbu to feel how you do.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:12:07

i know guys ... but before she emptied the rest of her drink she slapped him. she said she bought "us" a drink. i know i know i am being pedantic. probably because i dont "share" drinks wink

RedHotRudieParts Sun 03-Mar-13 08:13:29

Yanbu for being upset.

Yabu for reacting the way you did, it could have got yourself and other people hurt. Far better to get management or whatever involved, much as you'd want to knee him in the bollocks.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sun 03-Mar-13 08:17:18

Op did say she was drunk and had been through that so maybe cut some slack in the vocab

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:17:54

RH, it sounds like a "fight or flight" reaction, not sure if it's easy to be reasonable there.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:22:20

Loves, not cutting her some slack she spelt "incomprehensible ...ness" perfectly. lol

LoopDeLoops Sun 03-Mar-13 08:24:11

Crikey, there's nothing like picking holes, is there? The poor woman is upset. LEave it.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:25:16

Wow, just pick the post apart why doncha? Where is Columbo when you need him?
pity you didn't knee him in the nadgers op or stab his foot with your heel.
of course you have every right to not be assaulted and well done for sticking up for yourself and not just freezing and allowing it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:26:31

YY loop

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:27:06

Nasty behaviour on his part but can someone tell me what OP's response here
would have been had she said 'was in a bar with some mates, drunkenly
pinched some bloke's arse and he physically attacked me for it!'?

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:27:16

who is picking holes? i asked a genuine question and then apologised for getting the technicalities wrong. we are debating .. a reason i love this site. dont turn it into a gang up on the OP. i said she wasnt bu for how she felt. however i dont think two wrongs make a right. what he did was horrible and technically "sexual assault" and if she were to pursue it she would have every right.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:18

interesting WhatstheBuzz... btw what does "YY" mean?

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:22

And how do you know op is not from Newcastle? "us" means "me'!

Yes, I watch emmerdale, so what?

nellyjelly Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:58

Count on mumsnet for someone to be devil's advocate. God the OP was assaulted and somone is trying to unpick her posts and give her a hard time.

Some people just love to take the opposite view, to be different or plain bloody minded.

Yes her reaction wasn't great but cut her some slack ffs.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:29:39

well I am just going by the OP i must have missed the disclaimer on the newcastle tone.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:06

It was sexual assault, not just "technically"

Sorry, fluckered, from the detail in the OP I think it would have been mentioned if she'd actually thrown the glass (which was quite possibly plastic at a gig) and it seemed you were focussing on her actions rather than his.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:16

oh for the love of god .. i was trying to get clarification ... and i apologised. ffs read back!! of course some people like to ignore when someone admits they were wrong and keep going like a dog with a bone. i also said she was nbu. sigh.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:18

She didn't pinch him though and if she had and he threw a drink in her face then she would have deserved it.

OP what a horrid thing to have happen, cannot believe that women also thought this was funny! shock

I've been groped from behind between the legs countless times on nights out. It makes me feel sick, and destroys what tiny slither of respect I have left for men.

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