Mumsnet Talk

DS is 2.
Despite getting through colic and pnd I have started to think "wouldn't it be nice to have a little sibling for DS" but I know financially there is no way we could and this makes me sad.
So please ladies give me a kick up the arse and help me focus on what I have got.

Didn't find having a second child more expensive, had most of the equipment like buggy etc.

It's mostly expenses like childcare and we'd need a bigger house.....

Childcare is one thing but do you need a bigger house?

Yep, no worse of financially with the three we have than when it was just one.

You only think you need it. Trust me they are cheaper the second time round. As long as you have a two bedroom, you will be fine.

Could one of you stay at home? MY DP is packing in work to look after DD when I go back to work. I don't earn a lot, but literally just enough. We've got rid of lots of things to be able to do this. It's amazing how much you can cut your cloth accordingly.

I can't see how 2 is any more expensive than one really....you've got all the stuff you need from the first one? First one would be on same food as you...so no diff really in food costs? Two children can share same room...

Me, DH and 2 DDs live in a gardenless 1.5 bed flat. DDs have a bunk bed in their room that is it. We decluttered like mad and don't have anything we don't need. It's great. Also 2 DDs were no more expensive than 1

An extra child won't be large enough to require a bigger house, bedrooms can always be shared.

It's more when they get older and have expensive hobbies that sets you back I think. Not too bad when they're younger

leave a gap so 1 is at school before you have another and why would you need to move house to have another child ?

Could you have your attic converted to create an extra bedroom? It's a shame that you can't afford another child if you'd really like one.

you dont need to pamper to expensive hobbies they pick a 'thing' each children dont need expensive hobbies to be happy ime,

Focus on what you have! There you go. ( you did ask!)

Sounds like you've been through an awful lot, so I hope it starts to get lots easier for you from now on. That must have been really tough.

We don't have much money (although do work) and didn't see this as a reason not to have 2 kiddies.

3 on the other hand...

Do you want another child, deep down? Does your partner?

I think you'll regret not having another if you really want another. Our two share a bedroom and I'm a very poor SAHM!
Friends of ours have 3 dcs under 4 in a 2 bed flat with no garden and on the 3rd floor! They not only manage but are happy!

We took the decisi

Please don't let the money put you off! If you want a second dc for it. You've probably still got all your baby stuff from
DS and they could share a room till they're about 11/12!

Filibear, your post really spoke to me. My dd is 18 months and we can't afford another. Our flat is too small, we have a large debt and can't afford to move. I'd love another but we'd need to win the lottery. It makes
Me very sad. I don't have any advice really. Sorry. I just try and be grateful for my lot as I am very lucky. Nows a bad time as all my friends are having number 2, in sure it will get easier.

Sorry I am going to be deeply U now but I hate the word 'kiddies'. There said it.

OP - are there ways you could make it work if you followed some of the good advice above? Is it what you both really want?

Why do you need a bigger house? We have a 3 bed semi, DS1 and DS2 share a room and DD has her own room. I'm on a career break just now as my full wage would have gone on childcare. Hoping to go back in the summer to work weekends, so will actually be better off as no money going on childcare as DP will be there. Things are tight and you have to budget but wouldn't change a thing, we are so happy our wee team, and you know that things get better as they get older as you can do more hours.

We have three bedrooms but it's a new "mews" style house, barely fits all our stuff in it. Giving up work (for either) isn't really an option as we both work in fields that would be v. difficult to get back into after a long time off.
Maybe look at just being more patient and seeing how DS "free hours" childcare affects us or when he starts school.

Blimey I'm a slow typist.....beluga maybe we should have a syndicate of 2.....

We took the decision to only have one for financial reasons (plus my age and the fact it had taken a long time to get ds in the first place). It made me very sad for a while.

However, it WAS a decision and now I have accepted it. We have good holidays, room to spread out, never have to say no to cub camp, music lessons, school trips etc.

I know a sibling would possibly have enhanced ds's life but there are no guarantees either way.

It really is a decision both of you have to come to though or it will hurt for a long time.

My advice is, talk talk talk and talk some more. That way, when you do decide (either way) it will be the right decision.

OP could you not just take a career break and re-train? I'm on my third career If you really really want another child, don't let work (which is, let's face it, only there to pay the bills!) stand in your way. It would be awful for you to put work first and then they don't put you first! (sorry, speaking as someone who's experienced redundancy...I now place work firmly behind family in terms of priorities!)

You have 3 bedrooms, albeit new build, but fail to see how just 2 of you and a small child have that much stuff! De-clutter, very therapeutic! Surround yourself with only things you need and love