MIL organising honeymoon

[Lanzagrotty]

I've namchanged for this as i suspect I may be being a bit bridezilla so would like to know your opinions.

I'm getting married at the end of August and a couple of months ago my soon to be MIL told us that she would pay for our honeymoon as a wedding present - she also said she would choose where we go and it would be a surprise. We had to choose five places in Europe and she would choose one.

Apparently this is a family tradition and although I know it is well meant and very generous I'm really unhappy about it.

My reasons are that we had an idea where we wanted to go before she made the offer and it wasn't in Europe. Secondly, and this might sound a bit strange but I think it would kind of feel like she was on honeymoon with us. i think a honeymoon is a very personal thing where the couple spend time alone away from families. So to me this it seems odd for my in-laws to choose where we're going.

But the main problem is that my finace let slip that she had told him where we are going and it turns out it's Lanzarote! This wasn't one of the five places we chose and apparently its because she couldn't get Mallorca (one of the places we DID choose)within budget. I went on a girls holiday to Lanzarote a few years ago and my image of it is definitely not that of a honeymoon destination.

What on Earth do I do without causing major upset just before I join the family. Am I being unreasonable?

[Jinsei]

Yanbu - I wouldn't like that either. Do you know if she has already booked/paid for the trip. What does your fiancé think? Can he talk to her and take the blame?

Or could you just go to keep them happy and have your "real" honeymoon at a later date?

[BridgetBidet]

Is it all booked? If it is and she's paid for it I think the only way you might get away with it is if you tell her you're going to Lanzarote then quietly slip off to the Maldives instead and keep it quiet so you don't hurt her feelings. Take a few generic pics in the bar and on the beach and tell her it was lovely.

If it isn't booked tell her that you're touched but had your heart set on somewhere else and would she mind dreadfully just contributing towards the cost?

[Lanzagrotty]

Yes booked and paid for. DF is desperately trying to keep the peace - which means avoiding the issue at the moment. I'm not pushing too hard a the moment as I don't want to rock the boat, plus I feel like i'm being a bit spoilt.

[Lanzagrotty]

Yes Jinsei i'm thinking real honeymoon later...

[SilverClementine]

Treat it as a free holiday and then book the honeymoon of your dreams later in the year, that way you get two

[KirstyJC]

I can understand why you are upset and disappointed, but I think it is too late to do anything now - the time to say no was when she first asked you.

I think you should just go to Lanzarote for the honeymoon and then book yourself something else later - maybe for your first anniversary?

[diddl]

Well tbh, I think that if you've already accepted, you.ll just have to put up with it.

Best way to have exactly what you want is to book & pay yourself.

[Lanzagrotty]

I know Silver that's exactly the approach I should take but I feel like we'll only get one honeymoon and I want it to be after the wedding.

I'm being silly aren't I?

[aldiwhore]

Go, enjoy the free holiday, save up and go somewhere stunning for your first anniversary.

I KNOW Honeymoons have become this 'best holiday EVER' modern tradition but after being married 15 years and still waiting for that 'best holiday ever' we've had some fantastic holidays with each other in places that were way down the list of ideal destinations. Our 'honeymoon' was one night in a haunted hotel (didn't realise when we booked and I WAS a cynic) and two nights in Alton Towers - not exactly a bride's dream, but we have some great memories.

I think even if it turns out to be a shit hotel in a horrible resort, you and your new husband can make some memories there that will entertain you for years to come (some of our worst holiday experiences have provided the most 'dining out' on over the years).

YANBU but a 'dream honeymoon' is quite a modern invention.

[Lanzagrotty]

kirsty she didn't ask me, she told me. I didn't say anything as I didn't want to be rude. Should have done.

[SpicyPear]

Oh gosh, YANBU or precious, but I think the error was agreeing to this weird idea in the first place. It would be really out of order to object at this stage.

[babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood]

Not silly. YANBU I'd worry about this setting the tone for the future.

I'd hate this, been there & hated it. Nothing like Mallorca!
What a shit curios family tradition.

[SpicyPear]

If it makes you feel better, my honeymoon was cheap as we were skint and we've since had much "better" holidays on paper but they were not as special

[piratecat]

why didn't she confirm lanzarote was ok, as it wasn't ON your list.

it would piss me right off.

[Yfronts]

Well just go and enjoy it but then on your fist anniversary go to the place you really want to go. Will be something to look forward to.

[loubielou31]

We had a "minimoon" to Paris for three or four nights straight after our wedding in the August and our "Honeymoon" the New Zealand in December for three weeks. We delayed because we wanted to go away and get good weather so waited for the NZ early summer.
You could do something similar, and no boat rocking required, (just means you'll have to find all the money yourselves)

[50shadesofmeh]

I think I would just say as tactfully as possible that you have been to Lanzarote and it's not where you imagined your honeymoon and say thanks but no thanks, it's a nice gesture but why the hell she didn't book somewhere you would like is weird.

[Lanzagrotty]

piratecat it's all about the surprise - i don't like surprises.

[HollyBerryBush]

Its free, take it with good grace and do your own holiday next year.

[Nanny0gg]

I can see why you're a bit upset, and it might be worth you having a chat with your soon-to-be DH about being a bit firmer with his mother (are there any more 'surprises' in the pipeline?)

However, as the 'real' purpose of the Honeymoon is now a faint memory, I'd just treat this as a lovely free holiday and either have the one you want for your first anniversary, or use the money saved for something else.

[squeakytoy]

I would say, as someone who has visited Lanzarote dozens of times, it is a beautiful island and has some really lovely places to stay and visit, and you are pretty much guaranteed fabulous weather.

Puerto del Carmen main strip is very busy at night time with clubbers and bar crawlers, but if you are not into that sort of thing, then just avoid that area, as everywhere else is peaceful, the restaurants are excellent (if you go for traditional rather than Irish or British).

A holiday is what you make of it, and you are likely to see it in a very different way if you are with your husband rather than on a girls jolly.

I am sure it will not be anywhere near as bad as you are imagining it to be.

[Lanzagrotty]

Yes. I guess we should just book something else now so we've got something more 'personal' to look forward to.

[Lanzagrotty]

nanny if by real purpose you're talking about consumation - yes it will have a real purpose for us! [ blush]

[Lanzagrotty]

This is why it's doubly weird for MIL to be booking it for us (although she'll have no idea about that (I hope!)

[Whoknowswhocares]

Nothing you can do now so might as well make the best of it.

I suggest planning an extra special trip to mark your first anniversary instead. Planned, chosen and paid for yourselves!