To be really pissed of with DH for telling DD off?

(35 Posts)
NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:41:35

DD (7) was in the bath. DH has told her not to mess around with the soap as last time she did (a year ago) he found it all over everything in the bath.

She put some into one of their bath toy containers this evening to make a perfume, I said it was fine, went downstairs, DH went upstairs, saw what she'd done and told her off.... DH and I then had a row about it, I think he is being fucking ridiculous, she is in the bath ffs! He said I shouldn't encourage her to do things like that because she will scout the house looking for things to make perfumes with hmm

I know he is really stressed with work at the moment but I think he's being an utter idiot, aibu??

Sirzy Wed 27-Feb-13 21:42:31

Did you know he had asked her not to do it before you said she could?

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:44:15

What Sirzy said? If yes, you should have backed him up when she asked.

Cluffyfunt Wed 27-Feb-13 21:47:40

She's just being a child.
Your dh is stressed and being a moody bugger.

I'm not sure I'd have a row about it though. Maybe a quiet word.

Was dd very upset of just a bit put out?
If dh really had a go at her and made her cry, I would be v. Pissed off if I were you.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:47:59

No I didn't know he's said not to do it, he didn't tell her not to this eve, just a year ago when she last messed around with it.

DS gets bad eczema so our DC have never used soap as advised by the doc.

I'm so cross with him after our row I don't want to go up to bed angry !

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Wed 27-Feb-13 21:49:35

What an idiot - could he be anymore uptight? It's SOAP, it's a BATH TOY container FFS. At her age I was forever making 'potions' 'perfumes' etc - it's what kids DO. Where is the harm?

I can understand him not wanting it all over the taps, his stuff etc - but soap on a toy container in the bath...

Get him a grip!

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:50:45

But he had told her not to play with the soap.

You had told her she could.

Why did it get into a row between the two of you?

I can understand him telling her off if he has told her not to play with the soap and she hasn't for a long time and then he finds her playing with it this evening.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:50:50

Yes I told him to get a grip

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Wed 27-Feb-13 21:50:56

ChocHobNob Do you think you could change your name to PurpleSproutingBroccolli or something... you are not helping me to stay on the straight and narrow diet wise grin

Sirzy Wed 27-Feb-13 21:51:39

But why is what you say more important? he has asked her in the past not to do it, he walks in and sees her playing with it so of course he will be annoyed.

If you knew he didn't like it they you should have either not given her permission or explained to him before he went up that you had said she could.

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:29

Oh my DH is always saying "no" to stuff I don;t bat an eyelid about....then they row and then we row. It's a common but annoying problem, especially when you're not brought up in the same way.

I let mine experiment with all kinds of thigns...they have to ask...then I let them unless it's boric acid or something.

Tell DH it's very important for their learning.

Also...here's a thing your DD will like...buy some cheapo white soap, some glycerine from any chemist...and some lavender or other dried flowers...grate the bars of soap and then mix them in a bowl with a spoonful of glycerine.

Next, squish a handful of dried flowers into the mixture.

after that, press some into a cookie cutter...on a clean surface...fill it up like making a sandcastle and smooth the top and bottom flat.

Then pop it out and let it dry.

it's messy and doesn't make great soap but it's also fun...my DDs both love it.

We did it in a museum one day and they put them into little organza bags for the girls to take home like a gift.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:31

I told him he was being UR, that it was soap and she was in the bath, he said he'd told her not to in the past and that she would just get it everywhere, and so on.... He then called me an idiot and stormed off...

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:53:50

MrsMushroom - Great idea!

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:54:44

Sorry MyHead. I think I've got to the point where I see my name so often now, I am indifferent to ChocHobNobs! It's a miracle!

I'm just trying to figure out how the row started. Did he start having a go at you for letting her play with it or did you start having a go at him for telling her off or was it 50/50 between you?

I actually agree with him and don't let my kids play with the soaps and shampoos in the bath.

kinkyfuckery Wed 27-Feb-13 21:54:52

Is he cross because of the messing around, or the eczema issue?

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:55:07

Sirzy - I didn't even remember him saying it, or the incident. Even so I think it's a silly thing to tell her off for, she literally but a tiny bit in the cup.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:55:51

kinkyfuckery - I think he was just tired and grumpy and being controlling

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:56:36

Perhaps it might have been better to approach it with "it was my fault she was playing with it, I let her" rather than having a go at him?

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:43

I don't see it as controlling confused He just didn't want her to make a mess again with the soap.

blackeyedsusan Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:52

how is she supposed to remember a rule from a year ago?

how are you to enforce a rule that he has not told you about?

hwbu. to have a go at her over something so trivial is not on. he could have reminded her not to play with the soap in the bath, less upset.

pictish Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:55

I hate my kids playing with the soap. blush
It goes all mushy.

I don't get bent out of shape about it though. I don't really care, but if I see them with it I'll take it off them. Calmly...nicely.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:58:43

ChocHobNob - I can't remember exactly what I said but I think it was along those lines. I guess we're both quite tired & stressed atm

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:59:37

It's a relief to know he is not the only one with 'soap issues', I was starting to worry I must admit blush!

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 22:00:30

It does sound like you both overreacted a bit. He probably felt like you were undermining him and you were annoyed too. This kind of thing causes silly arguments between parents quite a bit I should imagine. I know it has between me and my husband. Normally followed by one of us saying "that was really silly wasn't it?" and apologising.

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 22:01:16

This kind of thing does not equal soap by the way! I meant disagreeing over minor things with the kids.

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