I'm getting increasingly frustrated with a situation at ds school but don't know if it's just me.
Ds is 4 and in reception, since the first week he has complained about a boy 'K', hitting him punching him in the head, pulling his ears etc, I spoke to the teacher and she told me that ds and K don't play together which is good and she'd keep an eye out. I'd also witnessed K being horrible to ds in he playground in the morning a few times and Ks mum had had to step in. It seemed to stop after that. All good.
Then ds started complaining about another two boys 'D', and 'J', that they keep saying if he doesn't do x they're not his friend, pulling horrible faces, pushing and hitting him. I didn't speak to teacher about it as it seemed to be intermittent so thought I'd see how it went.
Ds has a friend 'M' who he says he plays with every day, M's mum has corroborated this, offered ds to come round to play, they've played together like glue at parties, ds copies M in terms of what characters he likes and stuff, he mentions M every single day and call M his 'best friend', has done since the first week.
There was an incident recently at playtime which resulted in ds, K, D, J and another boy being told off by the head and all parents being spoken to. They were fighting, children were kicked whilst on the floor, heads were smacked against the wall, children were pushed over. It seems that all boys including ds were equally involved.
I've spoke to ds teacher, she seems to think that ds is a follower and likes to get involved with the silly stuff. she also said ds doesn't play and isn't friends with M, and is friends with the other boys (despite telling me at the start he didn't play with K, I do understands tha thtis may have changed) but that's his choice. This is completely not what ds tells me at home, he tells me M is his friend and that the other boys bother him. He doesn't like them etc. Ds says that when the fght happened it's because they were making him be the 'bad guy' and they were trying to kill him.
I've voiced this to the teacher but I feel that she's dismissive, she insisted that ds isn't being picked on, he doesn't play with M, although said that would be a nice friendship. There's no way that these boys can be seperated despite the fact that they seem to be continuously in trouble (not usually ds invovled) but I've heard her speaking to the other parents, and she's admitted that they're a bad influence on eachother.
She has been very positive about ds in general, said he's not a leader and doesn't instigate trouble, he's well behaved in class.
But I feel really frustrated, I can't be there obviously and I'm concerned about the level of supervision at playtime when 4 and 5 year olds are getting to the point of children being kicked on the floor before it's stopped by an adult.
I'm concerned that she's being dismissive to the possibility that these boys are bothering/picking on ds and he's getting dragged in. She says that's his choice, but he's 4! She's already said he's easily led and lacks social boundaries, so can he really make that choice? Ds has never ever had a problem with hitting and fighting, he never ever did anything like this at nursery infact he was the opposite, he's really laid back with his peers, I've observed him playing with cousins and friends both school friends at parties and other friends, and he just does not like fighting he plays really well and is kind, shares etc.
I'm also concerned that the teachers don't really know what's going on a lot of the time because these things are happening at playtime. I think this because she says ds isn't friends with M despite me seeing this friendship with my own eyes.
I'm really angry that 5 boys under 5 have been able to get involved in such an incident and it escalated so far.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? I've tried to voice my concerns twice now but feel that I just get shot down.
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AIBU?
AIBU to be frustrated with school?
21 replies
100DaysofSummer · 27/02/2013 19:27
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