P4&5 girls in the changing rooms

(38 Posts)
Bathsheba Tue 26-Feb-13 21:24:24

Dd1 (aged 9) has been an absolute nightmare for about 3 weeks. Over reacting completely, constant tears and arguing. It's got to the point where Dh cannot talk to her at all. She is the same at school according to her teacher.

I have discovered tonight that the P5 girls have been laughing at her and how she gets changed before netball - the p4s and p5s have a netball club at lunchtime. Basically Dd gets changed by taking her clothes off and putting others on, where as they are more the "slip shorts on below skirt, shimmy out of skirt".

I'm sitting here in tears at the thought of her getting laughed at for that. I have massive body issues (mainly because I have and always have had a massive body)

I'm going to see if the head/ deputy head have a few minutes to see me tomorrow - AIBU to be bringing this to the school's attention or should I just be telling dd how to get changed more modestly.

OkayHazel Wed 27-Feb-13 16:22:05

Just get changed the same way as everyone else. Pick your battles. If that's what it takes to solve it, just do it. Life's too short.

YouTheCat Wed 27-Feb-13 17:15:12

Glad the head is taking it seriously.

Why the hell should a child doing no harm have to change her behaviour because a bunch of bullies said so? It really isn't a matter of picking your battles. It won't solve it to just do as they do as they will think of something else because they are bullies.

OkayHazel Wed 27-Feb-13 17:25:03

I'm going to disagree. Changing your behaviour to consider other people is a fact of life. The same reason I don't walk around changing rooms naked as an adult. A little modesty is a good thing.

Yes, its great that the head is taking bullying seriously, but this is one of those incidents where both sides need to be more flexible.

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 17:25:28

Why has her teacher not called you in before this came about? That's VERY crap...she's seen DD on the verge of tears most days and not done or said anything? I'd want to know why. Poor DD.

Will you be spoiling her a bit? I remember getting bullied aged about 12 and my Mum and Dad spoiled me after it all came out and I was so happy...it really helped.

YouTheCat Wed 27-Feb-13 17:27:45

She isn't walking around naked, she has a vest and pants on. It's the other girls who need to change their behaviour.

If someone else's behaviour is making the OP's dd so upset then it is them that are in the wrong.

So she must consider bullies at every turn for the rest of school? No way.

OkayHazel Wed 27-Feb-13 17:31:19

I didn't say she was naked. Bigger picture.

There will be bullies everywhere in life. Sorry. I was educated in some seriously rough places, and some very prestigious places - both with bullies. Expecting to encounter horrible people, and staying off their radar is a big, important coping strategy.

Though I appreciate that you don't agree. Fair enough.

YouTheCat Wed 27-Feb-13 17:33:24

I really don't understand why the victim should have to change.

Same goes for victims of crime. We really have a skewed view on treating people in this country.

OkayHazel Wed 27-Feb-13 17:34:20

I agree with you there. The system of thought it totally wrong for victims. But I'd rather me and my child just get by and be happy than stick out, vulnerable.

idiot55 Wed 27-Feb-13 20:04:48

can sympathise I aslo have a nine year old , who is suffering in a similar way.

I spoke to her teacher who is being helpful.
It is so difficult , becasue at this age theydont realise the bullys are the loosers.

Hope you get some help from school x

SquinkiesRule Wed 27-Feb-13 21:01:05

Poor girl I hope it gets resolved soon. She needs to learn some comebacks. Do some role playing with her, she can play the bullies so you know what kind of thing they say, and you come up with answers to put them in their place.

deste Wed 27-Feb-13 21:07:53

I know the victim shouldn't have to change but as it stands if she doesn't then she will be picked on. If she doesn't want to be picked on she does it the same way everyone else does it. As people above have said, pick your battles.

clabsyqueen Wed 27-Feb-13 21:17:09

Im with okay hazel on this all the way - Adolescence is about not standing out unless you're pretty darn sure you're cool enough or tough enough to take the heat that will inevitably come. Great if you are but most of us aren't. Once we get through the hideous time that is teenage-dom (admittedly 9 is young for this sort of thing) we are free to express ourselves safe in the knowledge that the numpties who did the bullying are probably the most self-conscious anxiety ridden adults around.

SquinkiesRule Wed 27-Feb-13 22:48:11

I wasn't cool or tough, I was tiny and quiet, slipped under the radar a lot (I'm still only 4' 11" But I learned to answer back and turned into a gobby little madam, talk fast and run faster, that's how I survived. If she doesn't have a go back at some point they will get worse.
Answers like we tell Mums here to use, "Did you mean to sound so mean"
"Yes!" "Well now we all know you're not as nice as you'd like people to think are you" Always walk away, turn and talk to someone else, never wait for a reply after insulting them, and when they shout after you, you laugh, they really do get flustered.
I'm from a not so nice council estate growing up, I only ever got into one fight and a different bully saved me, as I was always polite to her (I actually quite liked her and am friends on facebook with her now)

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