I am a regular and have named changed so as to not out myself, but have a major life changing decision to make for me and my family and just don't know which way to go. Sorry but this is a long one...
I moved away from home after university to the city I live in now, for a great job but never intended to stay for long. It has nice parts, but it also has lots of deprived areas and is known as a bit of a hole in general (don't want to say which city as I don't want to offend anyone).
My sister lives about an hour away and I just thought why not? I met my husband in the first year (he's from the same country as me), we fell in love and five years later got married. Life was good. Great jobs, really nice house. We were so happy. We fell pregnant quickly at this point we jointly decided that we were ready to move home to bring up our kids near our families, we both had great childhoods, know the schools, still have loads of friends there, etc, etc.
We were getting ready to move and all was good, until our daughter was stillborn and our world fell apart. I had a bit of a breakdown and gave up my job and pretty much lost a year of my life. I became totally focused/obsessed with having living kids and for the last three years we have had two beautiful and much cherished little girls. They are my world. Although it has been in the back of my mind, moving slipped into the background. Although I will never fully get over losing our daughter, the girls and time has been a great healer for us both and we have been kept busy with the craziness of having two under two. While previously being majorly career focused I was content to give it all up to be with them.
Now that our head is above water, we are still keen to move home but have really missed the boat as the arse has fallen out of the economy completely and there are no jobs. NONE. My husband has tried, really tried to find something but at the moment there is nothing. Nada, zip.
My husband wants to move home as his an only child and his parents are in their mid 70's and every time we visit are noticeably ageing. I know this really hurts him, he is really close to them and he feels that although they would never say really need him now. The kids adore them and vice versa and I would love for them to spend more time with them. Moving home would be wonderful, but we have tried and it is just not happening, and we cannot afford to move without a job for at least one of us.
I REALLY want to move too, I don't have many friends here, the city kinda gets me down (suffered with PND after dd3) and it is now ten years, since I moved here - TEN years in this shithole, here I never really wanted to be in the first place.
My husbands company has an office in the city that my sister lives in which is about an hour away. They city is cool, lively, inspiring and fun. I would love to live there. We have the option to move into a much smaller flat in a great area, with great schools right in the city. I have put this to my husband but he sees it as a step back. We currently live in a lovely house with a garden and we would be moving to a flat with nightmare parking and all the interesting challenges that come with living in a big city. I see the downsides but am willing to put up with them so we can get out of here. He is making all the excuses in the world but I know the real reason that he doesn't want to move anywhere but home.
Sorry this is so long, it has really helped me organise my thoughts and write it down. If you have got this far thank you.
He doesn't seem to get that I am miserable and I really need to get out of here.. Am I being unreasonable to make him move and uproot the family? I am getting so frustrated we have been through so much as a couple that could tear a family apart and this is affecting our relationship so much that we had flight a few nights ago (after a few to many glasses of wine and I told him I was prepared to go without him).
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...to make my husband do this?
38 replies
scarlettletter · 26/02/2013 18:04
OP posts:
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