to find my friend annoying when she judges what I eat?

(72 Posts)
BodieBolts Mon 25-Feb-13 23:06:45

My friend has always been very into healthy eating - absolutely nothing wrong with that in the slightest, and good for her.

We went out on a day trip together and when it came to lunch, she said "I really need to eat some vegetables" and it ended up being my choice (between 2 places) of where to eat (there was 4 of us) and I chose a pizza place. She left the crust and said afterwards - all that grease will keep us warm now.

I also dared to buy a bottle of coke on the way home whilst she bought some fruit. She asked what I bought and said I told her and she just laughed.

Now I eat healthily 90% of the time but on rare days I generally don't give a shit and will enjoy pizza without getting upset about it. Life is too short to worry or deny myself certain food all the time.

I don't mind if she wants to be healthy 99% of the time but I don't want to be judged for what I decide to eat.

BreadForMyBREADGUN Tue 26-Feb-13 01:03:01

The snarky bitches that make this kind of comment to me are always on some diet or another. They've been following theirs since Xmas and its all they can talk about. I've been watching what I eat, been sensible, odd treat/massive pizza/drinking session and I've still lost more than them (not that I've said a word of course smile )

those sort always get run over jogging before they make it to 50.

anonymosity Tue 26-Feb-13 01:48:57

YANBU she sounds a patronizing cow.
Why did she have to ask what you'd bought? Sounds like she had that laugh lined up, whatever your response might be.

Ask her if she has an eating disorder, or is OCD, it might explain her obsession with you.

Kytti Tue 26-Feb-13 02:37:08

Hmm.... bit of both.

I have a friend who would do this, but that's because we're really close. I don't eat like she does, I can so see her doing this. I would retort with something like, "well, you're just a freak who eats pea-shoots" or something. But then again, like I said, we know it won't insult each other. I have a VERY thick skin. (Must be all that pizza.)

Perhaps your friend doesn't realise she's upset you that much? Have you tried telling her? She might be mortified if she realises she's caused you to feel bad.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee Tue 26-Feb-13 02:39:21

Tell her to Google "Orthorexia"

znaika Tue 26-Feb-13 02:51:44

I think I must have read a different op. Where was she a bitch? She said the pizza crust would keep everyone warm- how is this bad or upsetting in any way? You bought coke and she bought fruit and she laughed about it, like, laughed with a friend- what a cunt, eh?

DixieD Tue 26-Feb-13 08:45:45

Yes znaika I am readig the same OP as you. I don't see anything really like judginess in the OP. She said at lunch time that she'd like some vegtables. Whats wrong with that? Or are you only allowed express a preference if it is for unhealthy food?
She went along without complaint to a pizza place even though it probably wouldn't be her choice. She ate there. Don't see the crime in leaving the crust. She was full so she stopped eating, surely thats fair enough. The comment about the grease was just an observation and she included herself in it. She didn't criticise or judge, just said that will keep us all warm.
As for the laugh, well maybe that could be interpreted as judging. But equally it could be anything. My mother often laughs at strange times. She nearly uses it as punctuation. I wouldn't interpret a laugh as implied criticism tbh.

TheFallenNinja Tue 26-Feb-13 08:47:22

Diet police are worse than ex smokers sometimes.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 26-Feb-13 08:54:15

Pizza places do great salads; she didn't have to eat a pizza! Her choice. Just ignore her.

Whocansay Tue 26-Feb-13 08:54:51

I'm another one who gets annoyed by the diet police. The best way to annoy them is to weigh less than them. They hate that. Especially if you eat really unhealthily whilst you're with them!

I also hate restaurants who put the number of calories contained in each dish on the menu. It totally spoils what should be a treat.

Whocansay Tue 26-Feb-13 08:56:53

FYI BlackholesAndRevelations when eating out, you usually find that salads are worse for calories than many other things on the menu as they contain a lot of cheese / mayonnaise / dressing. Caesar salad is particularly evil as it has cheese / croutons / bacon / dressing. But it is very tasty!

Theicingontop Tue 26-Feb-13 09:02:28

She's probably far more into it than you think. I have a friend who's constantly critiquing other peoples' food choices, and she recently admitted she constricts herself to 1000 calories a day. Now to me, that suggests some sort of eating disorder, especially seeing as she's already quite thin. All these comments she'll come out with are just an extension of her own obsession, and not meant to belittle us in any way, or so I believe. It's just that controlling her food is her whole life.

But yanbu. She should learn to reign it in, and if she feels superior to you, learn to keep quiet about it so you can enjoy your food in peace.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 26-Feb-13 09:04:12

If you are clued up on healthy eating you can avoid the high fat salads! There is a delicious one in pizza express with roasted veggies and a balsamic dressing. I think if the op's friend is that bothered about pizza, she could have found a healthy alternative. Mmmmmmm.......... <hungry>

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 26-Feb-13 09:05:09

healthier alternative (nothing that unhealthy about a carefully chosen pizza, either!) mmmmmm.... Pizza......

Quodlibet Tue 26-Feb-13 09:08:02

But you are judging what she eats! Why are you paying attention to whether she eats the crusts or not? Why are you so oversensitive about your food choices?

I find it odd that it's so common that someone will say 'oh I could murder a biscuit' but if someone says they fancy some vegetables they are being a bitch and doing it on purpose to wind other people up about their food choices. If you are someone who prefers healthy food you quite often find yourself damned by other people who think that your food choices are a comment on theirs, in my experience.

3monkeys3 Tue 26-Feb-13 09:13:27

Pizza is actually quite balanced and healthy if you choose your topping carefully and gave a thin crust! I love coke! It's much healthier not to obsess and have some treaty things time to time anyway, so you're probably the healthier eater (that's my justification anyway).

choceyes Tue 26-Feb-13 09:19:23

Wouldn't bother me OP, it just sounds like friendly banter to me. I don't think your friend was being that mean at all, I agree with znaika and DixieD, although only you can judge the manner of your friend.
I eat healthily 90% of the time and eat a fair amount of sugary foods too, cakes, chocs, buscuits etc. But I need veg or salad with a main meal, I don't know why, but I just can't stomach a meal without veg or salad. If I was told to just eat the meat and carbs, I'd find it difficult to plough through without having veg or salad to accompany it. Maybe your friend it like that?

24joy Tue 26-Feb-13 09:25:21

It sounds like you are the one being sensitive tbh. What she said/did sounds like a non-event. Are you touchy about your weight?

I dunno, I fail to see where she was rude or annoying. She made a joke about the grease from the pizza keeping you all warm and then laughed when you bought a coke.

Nowt rude about that!! I think you are being over sensitive. Do you ever moan about your weight to her?

Chandon Tue 26-Feb-13 09:35:25

I cannot see her as being rude,

Just see the OP and her own insecurities?

And am baffled by the aggressive responses on her towards the friend...jeez, so many on here who are very very touchy about food.

Is saying that you fancy some vegetables fattist now?

Theshriekingharpy Tue 26-Feb-13 09:36:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo Tue 26-Feb-13 09:39:17

I agree that there was nothing overtly judgy about her behaviour in the OP - leaving her crusts is surely not really anyone else's business and laughing is, in itself, not really anything to get offended about. Is it possible that you are feeling a little sensitive or insecure about your weight or your diet? I can't really see any reason that you would interpret her behaviour as 'judging' you otherwise.

Quodlibet Tue 26-Feb-13 09:42:48

That's another one that is always been thrown at people who eat healthily - we are 'obsessing' over our food choices - the logic being 'they didn't have a biscuit/cake/coke so they must be locked in a battle of denial and really miserable'. It's not always true I'm afraid - some people just don't like that stuff. If you don't habitually eat a lot of sugar a coke can taste really unpleasant, same with overly greasy or salty food. Quite possibly the friend hasn't given it a second thought; its the OP who is obsessing about what they respectively chose and what it means. Who knows if the friend feels superior? There's a lot of presuming she does - but that's just as likely to be other people projecting their insecurities.

Otherworld Tue 26-Feb-13 10:28:44

You are being unreasonable by over reacting to a fairly harmless couple of statements.

Is she really a friend. Someone you like?

EldritchCleavage Tue 26-Feb-13 11:49:04

Making negative comments on other people's food is always rude, I think EXCEPT: people who constantly moan about weight, diets, willpower etc but continue to eat unhealthily do test the patience and then a small comment about it is forgivable. Monitoring other people's food intake for them is super-rude.

If your friend though pizza was greasy, she should have ordered something else. And why bother asking you what you bought? She got fruit, you got coke, everyone was happy. Equally, unless she does this relentlessly I don't think it is worth getting cross about. Ignore.

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