Not to change my rules for the sake of my friends DS

(79 Posts)
NopeStillNothing Mon 25-Feb-13 22:41:14

Sorry this is long. Had a moment today where I felt incredibly mean and would like the MN jury to enlighten me on whether IWBU.
My friend and I both parent our Ds' very differently (18 +20 months). Although these differences are quite noticeable, I'd like to think we don't judge each other and things have run pretty smoothly as the boys are growing into 'toddlerhood' together.

Anyway, friend and her Ds came over to visit today and I brought out tea and biscuits for the adults. Her Ds immediately reached out for a biscuit and I did the whole 'ooh you'll have to ask Mummy' to which she responded with ' No Ds you know you're not allowed biscuits'. My DS then did the same and I gave him half as I have no problem with him having the occasional biscuit. Cue, hysterical crying from friends DS and me feeling like an absolute bitch for upsetting him. Because of this I put the biscuits away and say No to Ds having the other half. ( He had a bit of a whinge but not upset about it)
Later on in the afternoon, I went to go upstairs. Even though I have a stairgate DS likes to climb the stairs and if I'm not in a hurry, I tend to let him go up before me. Friends Ds followed me into the hall and began climbing ahead of me and I allowed him as I would my own Ds. Next thing I know, friend is next to me pulling her Ds back and telling him off for climbing the stairs. I tell her "It's ok I'm watching him" but she responds with " No, I'm teaching him not to climb stairs, he knows he's not supposed to!"

Then typically, My Ds comes in to the hall to see what the commotion is, ( Friends Ds crying) sees the stairgate open and starts to climb. Now I'm a little bit peeved by this point that I'm having to prohibit my Ds from doing things he would normally do to prevent upsetting friends Ds. It's fair enough if you want to be a strict parent but I didn't want to acommodate this. So I allowed Ds to climb. Again cue hysterical crying and glare from friend.

Now I do believe my friend is too strict and Ishouldn't have to change my usual rules to keep everyone happy but part of me feels that all my stubborness achieved today was upsetting a little boy sad Should I have just stopped Ds from climbing this one day so I didn't have to upset friends Ds? Im sure Ds wouldn't have even noticed tbh so it wasnt to keep Ds happy it was more me digging my heels in.

Oh god Iwbu wasn't I? sad

FierceBadIggi Sun 03-Mar-13 09:20:43

I don't get the 'you can't have a biscuit if you don't allow your dcs to have one' idea at all
I am eating toast with honey on it at the moment - is the 10 month old getting some? No. I have eaten whole nuts in front of a 4 year old, and (not that often admittedly) have a glass of wine in front of ds1 without feeling the need to offer him any. This idea that if an adult can do it, a child can is wrong imo and leads to trouble. So I can't drive my car anymore unless I give dcs a shot?
I don't think regarding the stairs the OW was necessarily stricter - everyone has different ways of dealing with stairs, as the stairgates/no stairgates threads on here will show.
You sound very competitive with eachother, I can't imagine it is much fun for you to meet up. Could you bring a third person into the mix, might dilute things.

Tryharder Sun 03-Mar-13 09:21:35

This all reminds me of a colleague who bought her young children (twins) round once. Her children stood there in astonishment with their mouths literally open at DS2 helping himself to cheese from the fridge and drinking squash. They were on a strict water only and no food between meals regime.

In your case OP, I think you were both being a bit unreasonable (she was more U though). She is an inflexible loon but I don't think you should have allowed your son to have a biscuit and climb the stairs in front of the other child.

If I have visiting kids, I always ask the mother if the child can have a biscuit before bringing them out. A lot of people have very, very strict food rules for young children and its not worth the hassle, as you found out.

whoopwhoopbib Sun 03-Mar-13 09:32:43

FierceBadIggi I'm with you on the 'dc must eat biscuits,cake etc if adults are' mentality. My Dd is 11 months and has a biscuit very occasionally as I believe that the food she eats is to make her grow. She doesn't need to eat sweets and cake as part of her diet.

She had her first piece of cake yesterday as it was my birthday, had it been a normal day she wouldn't have had any.

Op yanbu why should you change what you do everyday for someone who is only there for a couple of hours?

LittleChickpea Sun 03-Mar-13 09:44:53

Yes, sorry but I think YABU. I feel sorry for your friends DS,it feels like he was the one getting the brunt of it. But as a first time new mum to be I havent been in your position.

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