To think lateness is the rudest thing?

(359 Posts)
slatternlymother Mon 25-Feb-13 15:23:54

It says 'my time is more valuable than yours'.

I just don't understand this attitude where it is ok to be late. It's so flakey! And yet it seems that so many people think it's alright.

I feel like there's this perception that it's a little bit cool, and if you pick someone up for it, then you need to 'relax'.

Well, it's bloody not alright. It is RUDE.

Grr.

slatternlymother Mon 25-Feb-13 16:52:30

tabulah better early, than late. <channels grandmother>
You could always pop to the shop first then, to pick up a bottle of wine if you were going to a dinner party.

Do you have friends who live in different places? Or rely on public transport a lot? Because the latter can be a nightmare!

slatternlymother Mon 25-Feb-13 16:56:58

smiling shock! She doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway.

I have a friend as I mentioned earlier, who is habitually late. Recently, she's flaked out on something that was quite important to me (as in, 15 minutes before I was due to collect her she cancelled. Via voicemail.)

I like her as a person very much, but I am thinking of cooling the friendship for a few weeks/months until I get over it a bit.

I do feel like we're good enough friends that if there's a reason behind this persistent lateness/flakiness, she should be able to tell me/confide in me. I don't want to break the friendship over it, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who feel this way. smile

SmilingMakesMyFaceAche Mon 25-Feb-13 17:00:26

She's been awful. Arranged a day out with her my DS and her dn. she kept fobbing me off with ill be there soon but eventually turned up 5 hours late. She's terrible. What's killed me off is the total vitriol she spewed at me for refusing to take the blame for her missing out on activity because she was late, like was said up thread, it's as if her time is more important than ours and it eventually did me in.

tabulahrasa Mon 25-Feb-13 17:03:01

I drive - that makes it even worse doesn't it? lol

To be fair, my sat nav tells me how long the drive will be - I do account for traffic, but not always correctly. Even things which I do regularly catch me out, they're never the time I think they're going to be.

It stresses me out actually and I'm even worse if I'm stressed already - I've been an hour early for a job interview before. What's worse is that I get myself in a state because I'm stressing so much about the time that everything takes longer to do. blush

Close friends and family are used to it, they tell me the wrong time for things and tbh I prefer that as when I arrive thinking I'm late and I'm not, it's a massive relief. But it is a bit rubbish for them that they have to do that.

CrunchyFrog Mon 25-Feb-13 20:00:18

It's rude, it drives me bananas and some people do use it as a power play - XH is ALWAYS, always 10 mins late. But you'd look a petty twat to mention it. Unless I have something important on, then he is 45 minutes late. But, you know, he apologises.

Lorelilee Mon 25-Feb-13 20:09:45

I HATE IT. It shows a total lack of respect for the other person. And, yes, it is ALWAYS the same people. I'd MUCH rather people were early - I just chuck a drink at them and tell them I'll be with them at the appointed hour :D

BimbaBirba Mon 25-Feb-13 20:11:17

YANBU
It's very rude.
Last year we were invited to a friend's birthday party at a Chinese restaurant for lunch. Me and DH and all the kids got there on time but the birthday person and her family (along with the rest of the guests) arrived 1 hour late! We felt like such twats waiting for them in the restaurant and we were starving too! We called them a couple of times and we were told that they were on their way each time. They arrived as we were about to leave. Apparently the other guests had been picked up on the way so we were the only ones waiting at the restaurant!
These same people have recently arrived 45 minutes late at the train station for a Cubs trip to London. They kept a group of 50 people waiting in the cold for that long!
DH and I decided not to be friends
with them anymore because of it.

digerd Mon 25-Feb-13 20:18:10

Not only rude but no consideration for anyone else - so selfish to boot. The group should have gone without them.

McNewPants2013 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:25:48

The only time i am ever late is when using public transport.

gingeme Thu 28-Feb-13 16:36:09

Why McNewpants? If you plan your journey and check the timetables you should not have to be late !

5Foot5 Thu 28-Feb-13 17:02:17

thefirstmrsrochester shock at your DM on your wedding day!

Please tell me you started the wedding without her so she missed some of it! It would have served her right.

I too get immensely irritated at persistent latecomers.My Dad always told me that if you had to be somewhere at a certain time then you should always aim to be there 10 minutes earlier - that way you had a bit of leeway for delays and would be on time. Mind you in my youth I spent a lot of time standing about on railway platforms because he insisted on getting me there for my train in such ample time!

littlemisssunny Thu 28-Feb-13 17:05:10

I try to be on time and I mostly am, if I'm late it's usually not by much and I shall always apologise and usually text if I can.

I have OCD so while I try to be on time it doesn't always happen sad

I understand it can be frustrating for people but I don't do it on purpose!

ithaka Thu 28-Feb-13 17:52:08

My dad was late for my mum on their first date. She always says she should not have waited.... Admittedly, I wouldn't have been born, but they would have been spared an unhappy marriage & painful divorce.

Due to my dad (& sisters) habitual lateness, I prize punctuality. One of the many things I found attractive (and still find attractive) about my DH is that he is always, always on time. It is a mark of respect for other people and the sign of a kind, considerate person.

My MIL is always late and does that trick a poster mentioned up thread - faffs about while everyone waits then swans in saying 'hadn't we better get going then?' as if everyone else is the hold up. She is, in so many facets of her character, a nasty, selfish, self centred, inconsiderate woman and her lateness exemplifies her attitude to others in her life.

Unless they are family I choose to avoid late people. I don't need selfish people in my life, if I can help it.

I have a friend like this too. Always 30 to 45 mins late because yknow theres something important come up with work/her business that only she can sort as usual.
That or suddenly she cant make it at all because of whatever it is thats come up. I understand shes very very busy hmm , we all are. But the rest of us manage to get through our lives without constantly letting our friends down.

nope.
not the rudest thing.

AnnaRack Thu 28-Feb-13 18:09:53

Punctuality says your time is important - sp you can get on to your next appointment and fit more into your day. The 'mytime is valuable' argument works both ways!

quesadilla Thu 28-Feb-13 18:20:53

Depends on the degree of lateness and how regular it is. If its infrequent its excusable but with repeat offenders it's very annoying. It signals, whether intended or not, that you aren't worthy of a bit of planning.
snooter my DH does this too. And them nags me if I am late.

At my work I have booked appointments and I get very hassled by patients being late.

They know how long it takes to get from their house to the clinic. So factor in extra time (as I did when I went for dental appointment in case I couldn't get in their car park. I had to park elsewhere but I still arrived 15 minutes early )

If you don't know where you are going -^find out^ or allow extra time.

If your car is covered in ice, go out ten minutes early to clear it.
Not rocket science.
I get to work about 8.10 for a 9am start, to make sure I'm ready.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 28-Feb-13 23:23:46

I also think it's rude unless of course a normally prompt person has a bit of a crisis then a text to apologise and say they're on their way is fine.

Witco Thu 28-Feb-13 23:24:16

Try living in Ireland where it is deemed rude to be on time!

sallievp Fri 01-Mar-13 14:40:16

OP, I live in India and lateness here is perfectly normal and acceptable (among 95% of people)...even up to 2 hours late!...I HATE IT!!!
Someone will come to your house for dinner...they say they will arrive between 6-8pm (a 2 hour window...whats that all about!!??) and happily turn up at 9pm!
I always struggle to stay polite and calm...very very rude.

Crinkle77 Fri 01-Mar-13 14:43:01

I don't mind if it's a one off and they have a good excuse but I hate it when it is the same people who are continually late and just give a flaky excuse.

LaQueen Fri 01-Mar-13 14:49:05

There was a really long thread about this, last year I think?

It was very insightful in to how unpunctual people's brains work. I realised that if an unpunctual person (UP) has arranged to meet me at 8.00pm in a bar - then in their heads, at 7.59pm, they're not actually running late...even if they're still 20 minutes away from the bar. If that makes sense?

Apparently, so long as the UP person is en route to you, at on or around 8.00pm, then actually they don't consider that they're running ate, or keeping you waiting.

I shit you not hmm

And when patients are late and say "Well I phoned to say I was running late all indignant. Especially if they are the first or last appointment so there's no leeway to juggle things.

And they'll be told "Oh if you are more than 10 minutes late you might not be seen" and they are maybe 30 minutes away so turn up 40 minutes late (still expecting to be seen because they phoned in)

Yes because the minute you phone - Time Stands Still doesn't it confused

FrankSpenser Fri 01-Mar-13 15:21:09

I live for this thread.

I don't have many friends, but there is one who I'm closest to out of anyone.

She is so FUCKING late for every appointment, arrangement, school run, play date etc since we've known each other. I'd honestly hang my head in shame if it were me.

I love her and want good for her, but I've stated to cool from our friendship of late. Very sad.

take today: Ive got plans at 12:30. Friends calls on my for a favour, putting me in an uncomfortable position with no option to say no. promises to be with me in ten minutes. Rocks up over 30mins later, meaning my plans have been scuppered, my appointment cancelled.

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