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To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

(277 Posts)
stormforce10 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:52:57

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

expatinscotland Wed 27-Feb-13 15:38:44

This so-called friend didn't make a mistake, though. She chose to believe a load of gossip and throw away the friendship over it.

Expat, yes, that may be what happened. Or maybe someone told her something they truly believed in a way which was really convincing, and she was broken-hearted but tried to act with dignity - didn't call up and abuse the OP, didn't just not invite her but took the trouble to give her a polite excuse, etc etc.

They are all just different ways of explaining the facts - but we don't know all the facts, we are just words on a screen as they say. The OP who knows the people concerned will know better whether this is vile behaviour without excuses, or whether it is forgiveable.

PS and no, am not Bridezilla, nor have I ever been in this circumstance! I lead a very dull life grin

pigletmania Wed 27-Feb-13 15:55:45

Working why didn't the friend if she is a close one tat op says just confide in her hmm. I would not want to be friends with somebody who thought so little of me, obviously after all these years does not seem to know op

StephaniePowers Wed 27-Feb-13 16:51:41

Well, I think there are a lot of question marks about this, and the OP hasn't been back, so I'm going to say I bet it isn't precisely as laid out in her first posts. smile <-- p.a.

choccyp1g Portugal Wed 27-Feb-13 20:42:56

My theory is that OP did sleep with the groom, and has created this thread to throw everyone off the track.

hermioneweasley Wed 27-Feb-13 20:54:12

Choccypig - ha! A clever double bluff!

Figgygal Wed 27-Feb-13 21:00:46

Just read the whole thing.......fuck em OP you don't need friends like that any of them!!

mum47 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:03:37

Oh my goodness OP, I was reading through this thread thinking it was bad enough for you, but I could not believe the turn of events! I wonder if she has confronted her fiance about what she thought happened - she really needs be sorting out her own head about her reaction to what she had thought he had done, rather than projecting blame onto you. What a horrible thing for you to be having to go through.sad

stormforce10 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:08:09

For clarity since there seems to be some confusion

1. I know exactly who the gossip is. I've not calmed down enough to rip her throat out talk to her yet but I will.

2. I have no idea whether her fiancee slept with anyone or not and if he did who it was.

3. I haven't yet decided how I feel about the whole situation. I can not let it dominate my life. In a week or so may arrange to meet up with "friend" who has texted several times asking to see me and saying sorry to try to talk this through. I don't want to throw away a 25 year long friendship without at least understanding why

I'm focussing on sorting out my finances, looking after my children and starting to declutter my house I can't let this horrible situation dominate my life

stormforce10 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:09:00

Sorry Choccypig I'm a one man woman

pigletmania Wed 27-Feb-13 21:36:07

Oh op I hope you sortthings out. Mabey it's a good idea to meet so tat you can tell her how you feel and he hurt that has made you. You said tat you don't want to throw this long friendship away, so mabey tell her how you feel and start with rules. Do you think you go to her wedding?

hermioneweasley Wed 27-Feb-13 21:42:27

Storm - now you know what's been going on, you hold all the cards. You are now in control of what you do and when. If you have other positive things you would rather give your time and energy to, then go ahead. You don't owe the bride or the gossip to work to a timetable of their choosing.

foslady Thu 28-Feb-13 00:05:51

Think you have a good plan/outlook there Storm, and I'm glad that your friend appears to have realised the damage she's done by not thinking things through properly. I'm just relieved for you that it hasn't impacted on your and your dh's relationship

storm - your friend certainly did some things wrong here, but it does sound to me that she is having a hard time and could use some help from a good, old friend? Maybe she is really insecure or having issues and it has all manifested itself in this weird situation where she very wrongly blamed you.

If I was you I would meet her, give her the chance to really apologise - forgive her (it is often the people that mean the most we take for granted), and then help her out with her issues. You seem like a good friend. What could be going through her head?

minouminou Thu 28-Feb-13 08:50:00

Do you think there's a way back from this, OP?

DonderandBlitzen Thu 28-Feb-13 10:18:15

But you haven't said how you know who the gossip is and what motivation they have. I'm assuming you didn't sleep with the gossip's husband as you said you are a one man woman.

Maryz Cote D'Ivoire Thu 28-Feb-13 10:26:33

Wow shock.

I'm not sure if I was you that I could forgive her and "talk it through".

She obviously thinks so little of you that she believes you would sleep with her fiancé. And also doesn't count you as enough of a friend to actually ask you about it.

I would stay as far away as possible. She isn't worth it.

pigletmania Thu 28-Feb-13 11:12:32

I agree with Maryz tbh it does not matter how long you have known her, she though so little if you to do a thing like that and she dd not have the guts to discuss I with you, accept to cut you out of the wedding. Even if you did irgive her and try again with he friendship I would not go to th wedding and the friendship just would not be te same

FruOla Thu 28-Feb-13 19:12:22

I fear that storm is now in an even more difficult situation.

Nobody knows who else the Gossip has spoken to - what if he/she has been spreading this around their social circle? If storm is seen to have fallen out with the BTB, what if other people, who've heard the gossip, add 2 + 2 and make 7?

The breaking off of the friendship could imply that she's guilty. So, whatever she does, she needs to ensure that her good reputation remains intact. (I think a few PPs have suggested something similar earlier).

Imaginethat Thu 28-Feb-13 20:35:40

Do we believe there really is A Gossip? Possibly it is in the bride's mind.

choccyp1g Portugal Thu 28-Feb-13 20:51:24

Sorry to offend OP, really I was just bumping the thread and couldn't resist stirring a bit.
grin

CSIJanner Fri 26-Apr-13 23:29:49

Bumping in the hope of an update...

DeskPlanner Sat 27-Apr-13 08:13:33

I'd also be interested in an update

Figgygal Sat 27-Apr-13 08:17:19

How odd!! Yanbu and I think u need to have words with her about this.

myBOYSareBONKERS Sat 27-Apr-13 08:31:04

Hi OP - how are things?

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