To be really upset about this?

(104 Posts)
extremepie Sun 24-Feb-13 18:30:54

My parents have just phoned to tell me they are coming for a surprise visit in 3 days time.

Ok, little bit annoyed that we didn't have more time to prepare but we moved to a different part of the country just before Christmas so I haven't seen them in about 6 months and am happy that they will be visiting, especially since DS really misses them.

The problem us DH doesn't exactly get on with my parents and basically had a massive screaming fit when he found out saying that he has no say in what happens in his own house. He is now demanding that I phone them back and tell them they can't come.

Essentially he is making me choose between offending my parents or upsetting him.

AIBU to be upset? What should I do?

gordyslovesheep Sun 24-Feb-13 18:33:21

he SCREAMED at you - what a twat

regardless of the ins and outs he is being VVU

Earlybird Sun 24-Feb-13 18:34:07

Can they afford to stay in a hotel or B&B? That way, you could maybe see them on your own? Or bring them to the house when your dh isn't there?

You say your dh doesn't get on with them. Do they like him?

Cherriesarelovely Sun 24-Feb-13 18:34:34

Your dh sounds as if he is being rather dramatic! They are your parents, you haven't seen them in 6 months. He is being ridiculous.

Earlybird Sun 24-Feb-13 18:34:48

Yes, agree with gordy. Having a screaming fit does seem extremely OTT.

Kat101 Sun 24-Feb-13 18:36:25

Can you give us some background?

Branleuse Sun 24-Feb-13 18:36:25

can you go to them for a visit, and then when you get home afterwards, LTB

SoleSource Sun 24-Feb-13 18:36:29

You haven't seen your parents because your DH doesn't like them? Is that the real reason?

SparklyAntlersInMyDecorating Sun 24-Feb-13 18:36:31

He does have the right to decide who stays in his own house though, doesn't he?

Likewise, you have the right to see your own family. But your parents have no right to just ring up and tell you they are coming ... surely they say when they are thinking of coming up ... suggest some dates, you consult your dh and all arrive at a decision.

Is he stressed? Is he controlling about stuff? Could this be symptomatic of other stuff going on? Or do your parents have a history of this? Whose decision was it to move that far away.

It sounds like both sides need to have some careful thought - yes be upset, but a massive screaming fit surely doesn't sound right - whichever of those reasons it is.

Nanny0gg Sun 24-Feb-13 18:37:02

Um.
Is there a little bit more of a back story? Cos otherwise that's a hell of an over-reaction.

HecateWhoopass Sun 24-Feb-13 18:37:42

It's hard to say really. How are your parents? Are they good people? Is your husband horrible? Are your parents interfering and treat your husband badly?

Without knowing why the situation is how it is, it's really impossible for any of us to advise, imo.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 24-Feb-13 18:37:44

Your parents ABU for not giving you a sensible amount of notice of their visit (assuming their visit involves an overnight stay).

Your husband is being unreasonable to shout at you but I would not be happy if my in laws turned up for an extended stay unexpectedly either. I get very anxious if things are sprung on me and maybe your DH is like me.

If your DH is very against your parents staying I'd say to them it's not convenient (or not convenient for more than a day visit) and then discuss with your DH when they can come.

ChristmasJubilee Sun 24-Feb-13 18:37:51

How old is ds. Is he in school. I would go to your parents to stay for a couple of weeks and then discuss it with dh again!

Possiblyoutedled Sun 24-Feb-13 18:38:05

I have legendary pil problems (name changed) but I never tell dh they cannot come to our home I discuss what would work better for us. I would never scream at him about it. I love him and he loves his parents.
Can't blame him for that.

CwtchesAndCuddles Sun 24-Feb-13 18:39:20

He sounds controlling.

He is being very unreasonable - is there a backstory to why he doesn't like your parents?

Your parents are extremely impolite to phone up and 'tell you' they are coming for a visit in 3 days time.

Do your IL's do this too? And you are happy to accommodate them at a moments notice?

If it were my parents/IL's I'd expect a request to visit, with a few suggested dates. Then my DH and I would speak to each other and decide which date suited us best.

If I came home and my DH 'told me' that his folks were coming to stay in 3 days time... Well I wouldn't be wearing my happy face.

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 18:41:49

They are your parents,parents shouldn't have to book an appointment weeks in advance to visit their own family.tell your DH to jog on.

Lafaminute Sun 24-Feb-13 18:43:17

I cannot bear my MIL who has been horrible to dh, my parents, even dd when she was a baby and me. She's a spoilt, egotistical bag and I do not enjoy having her in my house. But every christmas I have her and one other time during the year, plus I bring the children to visit her weekly - and my parents have had her to stay too. We do it because she is DH's mother and we all love him and for no other reason. I must say I would feel like behaving like your dh if mine announced his mother was coming to stay but I try my best to swallow it (we've been together 20 years and I am only just getting good at this to be fair) because it is not that often. Try and get your dh to compromise that two (for example) visits per year is not that often for him to have to put up with them and he can arrange to be out of the house most of the time. One of the reasons I adore my dh is because he is SO good to my parents & family and friends - I sympathise with you OP - your situation must be difficult.

XiCi Sun 24-Feb-13 18:43:35

He screamed at you and told you they cant come?

Unless your parents are Fred and Rosemary West that is just vile behaviour.

Especially since you havent seen them for 6 months and your DS missed them. What an absolute twat he is being.

SilverClementine Sun 24-Feb-13 18:43:39

They're all being unreasonable. Your parents surely should ask if It's convenient to come for a visit at such short notice, at which point i'd expect a discussion with DH to see if It's ok by both of you.

Your DH was unreasonable to have such a hissy fit, but ultimately your parents are being more unreasonable for putting you in this situation.

Euphemia Sun 24-Feb-13 18:45:47

What Silver said, plus it was unreasonable of you to agree to their visit without consulting DH first.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 24-Feb-13 18:46:18

They're not DP's parents though. I think they should definitely give a sensible amount of notice and DP should have the chance to say it's not a good time for him. It is his house too. Different if they are only coming in the daytime but for an overnight visit I'd expect a couple of weeks' notice and the possibility of saying it's not convenient without them being upset.

mynewpassion Sun 24-Feb-13 18:47:31

Yep, courtesy to ask if its convenient to come. Depending on distance, they might be a couple of overnights involved. If it involves overnight, your parents are the ones being unreasonable.

A couple hours visit only that makes your DH the unreasonable one.

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 18:48:37

Then my idea of family is clearly very different to most on MN.

hwjm1945 Sun 24-Feb-13 18:49:02

V hard,sympathize with him as not nice being told who is coming to stay rather than being consulted....but we all have our crosses to bear...I am coming to the end of a 4 day stay by my in laws in which they treat the stay like a.....also mini break,read papers and ignore kids unless they reading aloud or . Playing instruments....can't bear it but put up with it twice a year.

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