to nearly be caught short in waitrose in the loo department.....TMI alert..

(99 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:17

by being so embarassed. had an orange in the cafe in ikea with dd which for some reason decided to not stay for long. was in w'rose and had to RUSH with dd in tow to the ladies. one loo not working. by the time it was my turn there was another two women in the queue. i couldn't keep it in so in a feeble attempt to disguise the sound i asked dd to check what was on my shopping list (she was the other side of the door). i was crying with laughter nearly as she was reading out the most ridiculous stuff from my shopping list as the same time i was desperately trying to disguise what was going on the other side of the door.........i felt so sorry for the other women waiting patiently to go in. tbh if i had been her i would have done anything NOT to have gone in after me sad

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:20:33

This thread has given me a much needed laugh so had to add my story. I was travelling with a female friend...a car road trip. Anyway, the whole trip I had been going on about how beautiful it was and another time I would love to do the same trip with a romantic partner. At the time I used to suffer from a bit of IBS. So suddenly got an attack and we were literally in the middle of no where. I tried to hold it in until we made it back to the hotel but was getting the sweats and knew there was no hope. I had to yell at her to stop the car. Not a tree in sight and I literally just made it into a field where I just 'let go'. Tbh the owner of the field must have thought a herd of cows had just been through by the time I'd finished. Got back into the car and said to my friend 'I'm so glad I wasn't travelling with a boyfriend'. Lol. I actually have a much worse poo story than this but that one is definitely TMI!!

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 24-Feb-13 21:24:27

Angelelle- I'm afraid you have no choice but to tell us the tmi story! grin

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:34:09

Golders Green Pizza outlet.I had horrific stomach upset,marched into the restaurant and went to the toilet only after i finished did i see the out of order sign.I still feel bad.

digerd Sun 24-Feb-13 21:38:20

Beeny
I laughed so much - oh dear, how embarrassing.

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:40:05

It happened 18 years ago i still remember the sweats and the flush that didnt work!

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:41:56

I accidentally took a dump on my dining room table blush I've said too much. I've only told about two people this.

So anyways, had a bit of a wild fling a few years back and we ended up doing it on the dining room table and by it I mean that which is apparently illegal in some states. So anyways, after the deed was done we went back into the bedroom. Then when he was leaving I remembered I wanted to show him my new flat screen tv and took him back into the lounge "all proud" and there, to my horror, in the middle of the dining room table, was a turd. I was mortified and have no idea how this happened but somewhere along the way I must have lost control. I hurried him out the door and cleaned the table THOROUGHLY (although it did give me a slight kick when I had people over for dinner after that that they had no idea what that table had seen).

God I feel dirty having just written that...

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:44:28

How do u know it was yours?

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:48:34

From our positioning...although I guess he could have gone out during the night and marked his territory, lol. But no, I'm pretty sure it was mine!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 24-Feb-13 21:50:09

Angelelle - shock grin That was a wild fling indeed. Did you see the bloke again? Did he not notice the turd when it made its appearance?

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems Sun 24-Feb-13 21:55:05

I can believe someone can eat something and it can cause poo problems right away.
I ate some strong cheese at my in-laws caravan and it practically shot out the other end within minutes taking every bit of poo with it.
On the plus side I did feel like I had been away for a posh detox and spa weekend rather than a rainy weekend in Cornwall.

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:59:25

I did see him again and we are still in touch as friends but we have never spoken of the turd incident....like I say, only told two people in RL although they both almost wet themselves laughing when I told them grin

Crying with laughter here!! Heavily pregnant and terribly constipated I wish hit some blessed relief!! Still confused about the turd in the table <innocent>

wintertimeisfun Sun 24-Feb-13 22:20:11

i can't believe the thread i have started, so proud smile. i remember doing a bit of a poo when trying to push dd out, funny the things you remember, i even remember one of the midwifes wiping it away. not exactly the same thing

wintertimeisfun Sun 24-Feb-13 22:21:59

i don't know about doing a poo with having sex but i have passed wind a few times much to my laughter and dh's disgust :-D

pinkyredrose Sun 24-Feb-13 22:22:52

angelelle grin your story has made my day!

WildThong Sun 24-Feb-13 23:02:34

Angelelle grin
Poo and bum sex, two for the price of one!!

Goober Sun 24-Feb-13 23:11:28

Don't worry about it.
Last time I was in London with DD I pooed, very noisily in M & M World's toilet.
I have no shame.
Those people will never hear smell see me again.

Quilty Sun 24-Feb-13 23:18:00

Somehow this story is so much funnier because it happened in waitrose grin just imagining a queue of so of the snobby types I see in my local waitrose and their faces when they realise someone has done a poo! Brilliant!

NC78 Mon 25-Feb-13 07:24:00

Quilty grin Yes, you are only allowed to do fragrant and dainty plops in the waitrose toilets. If you want to do a poo that stinks then go to ASDA.

Forevergirl Mon 25-Feb-13 08:41:48

Had to add my friends embarrassing poo story.

She met at lad and went back to his, he was in uni halls. Thenext morning he went to his lectures and told her to have a shower, get ready ect and let her self out (automatic locking doors)
Anyway she needed the toilet massive poo wouldn't flush, so she found a carrier bag and fished it out. Carried on getting ready collected her things (or so she thought) left the halls to remember that she had left said carrier bag on his bed and could get back in.

digerd Mon 25-Feb-13 09:11:31

Winter
That's why in the olden days we were given bowel flushings up our backsides at the first sign of labour.

tunise Mon 25-Feb-13 09:32:17

After a shit night at work, these stories have cheered me up no end, love the poo in carrier bag one, what the hell did he make of that i wonder?

Iheartpasties Mon 25-Feb-13 10:01:09

poo stories on mumsnet always always cheer me up. I hope this one ends up in classics like the others smile

angelelle Mon 25-Feb-13 15:13:09

Forever I also have a friend who had a similar experience at uni but she actually had to take a dump in a plastic bag..so bypassed the whole loo bit

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