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to nearly be caught short in waitrose in the loo department.....TMI alert..

(99 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:17

by being so embarassed. had an orange in the cafe in ikea with dd which for some reason decided to not stay for long. was in w'rose and had to RUSH with dd in tow to the ladies. one loo not working. by the time it was my turn there was another two women in the queue. i couldn't keep it in so in a feeble attempt to disguise the sound i asked dd to check what was on my shopping list (she was the other side of the door). i was crying with laughter nearly as she was reading out the most ridiculous stuff from my shopping list as the same time i was desperately trying to disguise what was going on the other side of the door.........i felt so sorry for the other women waiting patiently to go in. tbh if i had been her i would have done anything NOT to have gone in after me sad

FreshLeticia Sat 23-Feb-13 18:54:22

that is hilarious Moomin 'thinking about leopards'.
I might retain that one for use when I do something vague.

andubelievedthat Sat 23-Feb-13 18:54:31

i simply stroll in to wherever has a loo,pub, club restaurant anywhere ,and if challenged ,keep walking purposefully ,i am "on a mission" if i need the loo and an establishment has one then i am using it , if staff wish to pursue me ,argue with me i tell them i will p myself and later consult a solicitor re any case i can bring against org.Admittedly i once did p myself at a gig, (wearing jeans) would have missed the encore if i"d tried to get to loo and back( frankly, i blame the parents!)

DameFanny Sat 23-Feb-13 18:55:36

Yes what was he thinking about leopards please?

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Feb-13 18:59:14

winter it was a train with toilets. Phew. For Mum. Not so much for anyone in the vicinity. grin

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Feb-13 19:01:25

How does food go through so quickly though? I don't get it. confused I know someone who can't go to a particular chip shop because about 15 minutes after eating the chips they have the squits.

Moominlandmidwinter Sat 23-Feb-13 19:04:59

He is rather odd sometimes. We have some strange conversations.

Apparently, leopards can go for a month without drinking water.

pansyflimflam Sat 23-Feb-13 19:13:25

DH missed the junction on the motorway because he was 'thinking about leopards'.

grin

countrykitten Sat 23-Feb-13 19:17:54

By FAR the most interesting thing about this thread is moomin's DH thinking about leopards!

Why anyone would feel the need to start a thread about having to go to the loo (shock, horror) I have really no idea.

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Feb-13 19:19:44

I think it's not the fact he was thinking about Leopards moomin more the fact he admitted it. Plus if you were on the way back from the Safari Park that would have been a bit better. grin

willesden Sat 23-Feb-13 19:22:30

How is is physically and medically possible for an orange to travel through the human body in a matter of minutes? I don't understand the OP tbh.

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Feb-13 19:23:19

That's what I don't get willesden, but it happens.

twooter Sat 23-Feb-13 19:24:45

I remember having hysterics on a school trip hearing an elderly woman having the squirts in Coventry Cathedral, so I totally get where you're coming from.

chocolatespiders Sat 23-Feb-13 19:26:08

Carry some eucalyptus oil 2 drops in toilet before you go masks the smell. £1.00 from Sainsburys pharmacy smile

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Feb-13 19:26:27

DH had an episode where he had to rush into some public loos and barely got his trousers down before the poo explosion happened. He said that a bloke at the urinal shouted 'BLIMEY SOUNDED LIKE YOU NEEDED THAT'. shock grin

countrykitten Sat 23-Feb-13 19:29:37

An orange cannot physically travel through the body in minutes. What a load of old rubbish. Some stupid urban myth no doubt.

thegreylady Sat 23-Feb-13 19:33:35

Here is my recent poo story and I will blush in advance.
I was absolutely desperate-had been out for the day and loo on train was out of order.I hoped [oh how I hoped] to make it home but it wasn't to be.I asked dh ,who had met me, to go into Tesco car park and I rushed to the loo in the shop with a buttock clenching fast shuffle smile A young man with a mop had come out of the Gents and was going to clean in the Ladies so he suggested I use the Gents.By this time I'd have used a potty if one had been offered!Rushed in-did an enormous and I mean enormous poo-the loo wouln't flush! I kept trying and eventually it worked ... BUT the poo wouldn't go! I decided to sneak out. However-there was a young man waiting to use the toilet.I muttered,"It won't flush." and fled to the car. I shouted dramatically,"Just DRIVE!!!!!"like someone in a gangster movie.
I can never ever go to that Tesco again blush blush

Chottie Sat 23-Feb-13 19:40:19

thegreylady That is so funny!

There is a real thing about loos on Mumsnet smile

hugoagogo Sat 23-Feb-13 19:42:29

I always feel the need to go in tkmaxx when perusing the tupperware. <true fact>

Passmethecrisps Sat 23-Feb-13 19:44:56

An apple lasts about 5 minutes in my DH's system. We have frequent urgent dashes to loos - he considers himself something of a loo connoisseur.

I absolutely love that moomin's husband was 'thinking about leopards'. He sounds awesome.

Moominlandmidwinter Sat 23-Feb-13 20:06:35

I have told him more than once that I would like to live inside his mind for one day.

toddlerama Sat 23-Feb-13 20:20:23

moomin your DH reminds me of another MNer who never got to go to the toilet alone because her DD kept coming in to talk about animals. There was a misunderstanding on the thread, which led to posters thinking that her DH was the one who kept wandering into the bathroom when she was pooing to "talk about animals". The thought still makes me snigger.

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:00:16

moom 'dh was thinking about leopards' superb!! :-D

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:02:50

willes - it didn't literally go through me within minutes, i had eaten the orange about 1/2 an hour or so ago. if one reacts badly to something it can go through the system rather quickly

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:07:23

countrykitten you sound rather sour and up yourself. of course the orange doesn't literally go in ones mouth and come out the other end. a hour give or take of digesting something that doesn't agree with you can most certainly have reactions. even though not the same thing, my dd has a serious allergy to nuts and raw egg. if she were to accidentally eat something with raw egg in ie mouse/mayonaise, she will have a terrible tummy upset (to name just one of the reactions) within 15 minutes or so. my post was light hearted, aimed at other posters who have at some point experienced something similarly excrutiating. people rarely share such awful experiences, clearly a post such as mine doesn't appeal to uptight opinionated superior posters such as yourself. yawn

digerd Sat 23-Feb-13 21:24:05

Been laughing with tears in my ears at a lot of posts. But ThegreyLady made me laugh the most.
And the typical bloke's remark " Blimey you sound as if you needed that, mate" - they think nothing of these bodily functions. Can you imagine a woman saying that to a stranger in the loo?
And the woman in the next toilet spraying perfume .
I can't stop laughing !!
Luckily, I can't remember how long ago it was that i had to do a poo in a public loo. It was always so embarrassing when it didn't flush properly.

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