To announce he's going out to watch rugby tomorrow isn't very nice

(124 Posts)
1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 17:38:37

maybe he should ask

I've lost perspective here, but I don't think it's very caring or thoughtful

ToomuchWaternotWine Sun 24-Feb-13 12:34:27

Relationships topic would def be better for this, OP.

From what you have said, he sounds like an entitled arse spoiling for a fight, and you sound confused, fed up and belittled. Not immature, just seeking some validation that your feelings in response to his behaviour are normal, and they are, YANBU!!

Booyhoo I think you are probably a lucky women who has never experienced the grinding awfulness of being with someone who is EA, it's very easy to lose sight of what is normal and to find your emotional intelligence defeated. I think the OP is in this situation and is trying to find some support.

LatteLady Sun 24-Feb-13 12:44:32

Firstly, he let you know the day before... it is the time of year for rugby... how much notice did you expect? If you had anticipated going out, when were you going to let him know? Frankly there is nothing in it.

As to the cheese, as others have said, cheese is already mouldy...

Might it be an idea, just to sit down and talk?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 12:49:06

you couldn't be more wrong toomuch

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:05:13

bloody hell

firstly booyhoo- I honestly think you are reading a different thread or for some reason, really have gotten the wrong vibe here.

I posted because I really wanted to know if it was usual in a relationship for a husband or partner to announce that he was going out, with no concern for the rest of the family

the only poster I was sarcastic to was you
"Well I'm very glad that you think it's nothing, and I'm overreacting"

I appreciate that there were a lot of questions after the original op, but my phone died, and it really was only about half an hour before I answered some of the questions

I continued to rant, because more unreasonable things happened since I first posted.
And a couple of posters agreed with you, but were all under the assumption that he had asked, which he hadn't
So I continued to address those posters
You can't actually address every single post, especially on a crappy phone, with a dodgy signal

I think for some reason, I got your back up from the beginning

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:08:07

and actually booyhoo, all you have done is confuse the issue

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:10:42

so you dont agree you have a communication problem? you cant see that? you think it's all your DH that is the issue?

and yes you were sarcastic to me, that is immature. whether you do it to 1 or 100 posters. cant you see where i might have gotten an immature vibe from?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:11:54

what have i confused? do you mean i have pointed out an issue that you were trying to ignore?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:18:44

er because I asked was he unreasonable to announce he was going out, and somehow I have had to defend myself about being immature

and you called me immature before I was sarcastic to you

yes, I think it's all my DH's issue, for a lot of other reasons, that I haven't even mentioned here

but I wanted to discuss these particular events/issues

1. is it unreasonable for a H to announce he is going out
2. the stupid bloody cheese issue

and I threw in the unreasonableness about my dad's xmas present and the fact that he was moaning about being hot

how is any of that a communication issue of mine?

Phineyj Sun 24-Feb-13 13:19:51

Well, I've certainly learnt not to pick a fight about cheese...it was interesting too...I didn't think mozzarella could go off. Next time buy him Port Salut, no-one would be able to tell.

Actually I like the idea of passive aggressive cheese-based communication.

YANBU OP. And if everyone had rational mature (cheddar) conversations with their OH instead of coming on Mumsnet then there would be no Mumsnet.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:22:04

ok. you dont want to see it, or if you do you dont want to accept it. you two have an issue. drip-feed all you like. it was clear from the OP there was a communication issue. and yes, you do sound immature still, in all your posts.

Viviennemary Sun 24-Feb-13 13:26:19

Asking permission?? Your not his mother. YABU.

Blowin Sun 24-Feb-13 13:29:44

OP I would just ignore booyhoos posts if i were you. As you said, for whatever reason you got her back up from the start of this thread. Her "advice" is not particularly helpful or constructive, so just respond to the posters who are genuinely trying to help you instead of undermining you.

Sorry booyhoo but thats just the way it looks to me.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 24-Feb-13 13:33:07

We never ask each other permission to do anything, we just do it or not. It is proper to communicate though, just in case the other has something planned.
If you have dc then somebody needs to be looking after them, so both can't arrange something that doesn't include dc obviously.
What I don't understand though, if both parents work during the week isn't the weekend priority for family outings and activities? I hear so many parents using the time to do things individually and I think it can put a strain on relationships with a partner and dc.

ilovesooty Sun 24-Feb-13 13:33:13

I don't think it's unhelpful to suggest that both parties are responsible for addressing communication issues.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:39:41

you dont need to apologise blowin. if that's how it looks to you then that's how it looks to you. you are wrong though. i am not trying to undermine OP. i mistakenly thought that when OP posted, she wanted responses. so i responded to what i thought was the very obvious problem with the whole situation, whuch certainly isn't rugby, cheese or her father's xmas gift. the best advice i've ever had on MN has been the sruff that was hardest to hear. some people dont want to hear the truth and that's fine. but you cannot blame people for posting advice based on what is written by the OP unless the OP has put a disclaimer saying that they dont want helpful advice as they aren't ready to hear it.

mercibucket Sun 24-Feb-13 13:40:26

did he go out, op?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:41:40

priceless!!!

yes, he's gone out

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 20:55:09

He's still out

mercibucket Sun 24-Feb-13 21:03:39

Sorry to hear that, op. Is he doing it to wind you up or prove a point? Not nice, if so. If you are always looking after ds, and getting told off for such crimes as ood cheese, what does he bring to the relationship that makes him worth having around?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 21:34:03

Tbf, I think he's just having a better time, so I can't blame him

But it does probably mean that he will be tired and grumpy with this start to the wee

notmyproblem Sun 24-Feb-13 22:32:31

OP are you reading any other posts than the ones who are picking a fight with you?

Most people are saying he's an arse and you need to do something about your situation.

You probably knew that already though.

Time to give your relationship a big rethink and either give him an ultimatum to clean up his act or leave him. Or the third option is to stay and put up with it. But if you put up, you have to shut up, there's nothing worse than a woman in a shit relationship who refuses to do anything about it despite all support and advice available to her.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 23:00:07

Yes I am, of course, but like one poster said, sometimes it's just confusing

Of course I really know he's a twat, but sometimes you need confirmation

No-one here can help me leave him
That's down to me

pictish Sun 24-Feb-13 23:11:43

OP I hear you loud and clear. I think booyhoo is reading a different thread. I know what you'e saying...picking and prodding and bitching and moaning and speaking to you like shit no doubt.
You have my sympathy...I'll hold your hand. xx

Theshriekingharpy Mon 25-Feb-13 08:36:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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