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To announce he's going out to watch rugby tomorrow isn't very nice

(124 Posts)
1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 17:38:37

maybe he should ask

I've lost perspective here, but I don't think it's very caring or thoughtful

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 22:49:39

you both sound immature.

would it have been very difficult for him to remove the cheese from the fridge and bin it?

why are you with him? (not allowed to say the baby)

Illustrationaddict Sat 23-Feb-13 22:58:18

My dh is away for boys weekend watching rugby. Have to say don't mind him going as he never minds when I want to go out with my girly mates. We do 'consult' each other though, but isn't that just common curtesy, plus we have dc to consider. My mum (whos been married over 40 yrs) always says 'the looser the noose, the tighter the bond' and think she might be right

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 23:00:55

Immature? confused interesting

He did bin the cheese, but made a huge fuss and blamed me

I don't know why I'm with him

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:07:20

well does it sound mature to you? does it feel mature when you are getting wound up over things like him going to rugby and him getting wound up over cheese?

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 23:12:35

Well I'm very glad that you think it's nothing, and I'm overreacting

I think he's completely out of order just telling me he's going out tomorrow, with no discussion

And I think getting unbelievably irate over out of date cheese is completely unreasonable

Creamtea1 Sat 23-Feb-13 23:17:01

He sounds a bit mental about the cheese.
As for the going out, I don't know. Are you a SAHM? If so I thought it kind of gives them license to do what they want?

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:20:08

no you're not glad and that is an immature response.

yes his behaviour over the cheese is ridiculous. i did say i think he is immature aswell as you.

do you think you play no part in the relationship WRT the shit communication?

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:21:26

creamtea are you serious? you think the employed partner should have no respect for the SAH partner?

MortifiedAdams Sat 23-Feb-13 23:24:36

Why cant you just walk in one day and say "im off out to such and such tomorrow"as he has done with you?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Feb-13 23:25:03

Getting irate over cheese is unreasonable.

Cheese does not matter on the great scale of life,
Nobody ever died because cheese 2 days over its use by date was sat in the fridge,
Nobody ever got bombed over cheese,
Its just cheese.

Cheese is not really that important even if you are a mouse.

Expecting an adult to ask permission to go out it also unreasonable.

BUT asking the other parent of your child if they need you to be available for the care of that child and if the answer is no,then stating you are going on a outing is far more polite than just making yourself unavailable

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Feb-13 23:26:32

Cream tea.

That's a joke isn't it?

Creamtea1 Sat 23-Feb-13 23:27:46

Sorry that came across wrong. Going from close friends setup - she is SAHM - her DH goes to the pub without fail every Sunday (daytime) and they have a kind of unspoken agreement that that's the way it is as she is lucky enough to he a SAHM. She is fine about it, but of course if there's ever a special occasion etc on a Sunday then he misses the pub which he is fine with. I work FT and no, my DH does not go to the pub every Sunday and if he did I would have a lot to say about it.
I still don't think I've got that across very well but it is late!

mercibucket Sat 23-Feb-13 23:30:00

op, it all goes mental on mn at this time on a saturday night. ignore those who think sahp should just suck it up or that it is immature to be pissed off at being lumbered with childcare without a thought. sounds like there is more to it than this though

mercibucket Sat 23-Feb-13 23:32:46

anyhow wrt tomorrow, how nice that he and his baby ds can bond over the rugby grin
make sure you go out nice and early so they can enjoy the full day together

GreenEggsAndNichts Sat 23-Feb-13 23:33:05

aw that's nice. It's a bonus for that lucky gal, being allowed to be a SAHM- she gets an extra afternoon alone with the kids! whee!

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:35:04

it really depends tbh. OP if he knew you both had no plans for sunday and that you would be at home then saying he was going to watch rugby isn't UR in my book. if it turned out you had something planned, surely you would just say "actually i had planned to go into town with mum (or whatever)" and if he still insisted on going to teh rugby then he would have been UR but not if he knew there were no other plans for sunday and that you would be in.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 23-Feb-13 23:48:19

Cream tea - does your friend have 'doormat' or 'mug' tattooed on her forehead? Is she ok with her husband having traveled in time from the 1950's?

BackforGood Sat 23-Feb-13 23:55:19

What Booyhoo said ^

Creamtea1 Sun 24-Feb-13 00:02:20

Nevermind! Shouldn't have bothered. I would love to be able to be a SAHM and would feel v grateful to my DH if I could, just saying.

middleeasternpromise Sun 24-Feb-13 00:04:27

I too am apparently managing director of the fridge, apparently its in the small print that if you buy the stuff you have to tell everyone else when to eat it and when they do you should have know instinctively to replenish. If you find a training course out there for fridge management could you let me know as Im failing miserably in this area - I dont eat half the stuff requested (although I do buy it) I go for the longest shelf life date but dont do a routine stock check every morning ....hmmm maybe thats where Im going wrong!

Suspect OPs OH plans for the weekend and fridge debacle are related to being otherwise pissed off about something else. Rugby without notification is a bit of a middle finger and fridge is just in case you didnt get that he was pissed. Did he not like the fact that you were at your mothers?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 00:05:23

why would you feel grateful to your DH? you would be the one sacrifing your salary, your pension, your career, your childfree days. he would be gaining free childcare and his partner taking on more of the housework meaning he had less to do.

ilovesooty Sun 24-Feb-13 00:11:15

I agree with Booyhoo The general communication in your relationship sounds pretty poor on both sides, and yes - I also think you both sound immature.

Backtobedlam Sun 24-Feb-13 00:14:53

YANBU, its polite to ask not just tell someone you are off somewhere. Without dc's I'd still have asked, but with them its essential as the other person then has their choices limited.

Cheese argument is crazy, he sounds a tad deranged on that front.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 07:41:27

How am I immature when he comes in and announces that he's off to the rugby?
We didn't argue about it, I didn't moan or give him a hard time

And I come down from putting ds to bed, into a massive rant about the cheese?!!
How am I immature there?
All I did was try to point out that he was being ridiculous

As for my response being immature, I was trying to be sarcastic

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 07:44:29

And how can he possibly know what plans I might have had?
He's never asked

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