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To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital

(133 Posts)
TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 16:28:58

Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.

Sirzy Fri 22-Feb-13 21:26:58

no he wasn't he was driven to hospital by a kind friend. Rushed to hospital is when someones life depends on getting to hospital immediately.

Bobyan Fri 22-Feb-13 21:27:41

I can't figure out if your DH is totally useless or if you are drip feeding total bollocks to back up your complete over reaction.

landofsoapandglory Fri 22-Feb-13 21:45:24

I'm on the fence, because when you hear "your child, injured, hospital" all in one sentence all sense of rationale go out of the window.

Last night I followed an ambulance car, with blue lights on, up the road to DS2's school. I was going to pick him up from a rugby match, and we were going to MaccyD's, DH was picking DS1 up from MIL'sand they were going to another MaccyD's. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that the ambulance was for DS2 and it was.

The paramedic went into the school and the PE teacher informed me what was going on. DS2 had had a nasty shoulder injury. My legs went like jelly, I was shaking and said more than "fucking hell"' I even cried! Once they got him into the ambulance, on to gas and air, I had to ring DH and ask him to come, because I didn't think I could cope if he needed any surgery or anything. DH was all relaxed, the opposite of the OP and I, going "you don't need me, you can cope, ring me later etc!" FIL said if she wants you, go!

DS2 is a big lad, 6ft3, and I am 5ft4" and disabled. He needed his dislocated shoulder put back in, it is fractured and the ligaments torn as well, and is highly likely he will need surgery. I did over react when I was told, but I couldn't help it!

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 23:08:34

Do people really think it was a complete over reaction to say fucking hell and for me to start grabbing my shoes to get the hospital? I'm surprised by that, but hey I did ask for opinions. Bobyan, sadly, all completely true!

salsarocks Fri 22-Feb-13 23:29:39

YABU and sound a total drama queen. Parenting is a joint effort and I think your husband deserves an apology

akaemmafrost Fri 22-Feb-13 23:35:59

Tee it was NOT an overreaction. It just wasn't and I am pretty sure most who say otherwise wouldn't be quite so calm and collected, especially with a DH that has "form" for not being totally on the ball in a similar situation in the past.

Dd was sick at school a couple of weeks ago, they rand ex H as my phone was going straight to answer service. The words were barely out of his mouth before I had grabbed my keys and was on my way to pick her up. Dramatic? I don't think so, she'd been sick all over herself and it must have been horrible for her. I wanted to get to my child, see her for myself and find out exactly how she was.

Honestly I'd stop posting if I were you.

akaemmafrost Fri 22-Feb-13 23:36:31

About this I mean, not altogether grin

TuftyFinch Fri 22-Feb-13 23:40:30

You didn't over react. You behaved like a normal human being. No idea why you've been given a hard time. I hope your DS is ok.

Difficult to judge but I think you should both apologise to each other. Sounds like you were both a bit stressed out and took things the wrong way. Good news is that the damage doesn't seem as awful as it could have been, it was 'just' a trapped finger and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day wine

Iteotwawki Sat 23-Feb-13 00:44:43

"Rushed to hospital" = blue lights, sirens, triage category 1 or 2 when you arrive.

Enough time for someone to leave work, pick up child, drive to hospital, walk in, check in at desk, etc - not rushed in. Triage category 3 or 4.

The OP wasn't asking was she unreasonable to have gone to the hospital to be with her injured child and nobody is saying that would be an unreasonable thing to do. She is asking if she was unreasonable to sound panicked - which, for a squashed finger, yes she absolutely was.

Panicking, racing in to ED (to then sit & wait for ages) - she's more likely to be involved in an accident on the way herself. Which helps nobody.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 23-Feb-13 07:50:41

I find it very weird that people on here think you were a drama queen a simple 'fucking hell' reaction is not dramatic in the slightest. I react that way when my toddlers woken for the 5885795 th time that night.

Its a response.

I dread to think how unreactive the posters who think you are a drama queen are.

If I had a choice between a parent who cared and worried and those who, presumably dont worry salsarocks? I know what I would choose. I know wjat my children would choose too.

Sirzy Sat 23-Feb-13 07:58:44

Personally I think the drama queen stuff comes more from the rushing around to find shoes type stuff and the claims he was rushed to hospital.

It's a minor injury, yes go to A and E to be with them but no need to over react and rush

LynetteScavo Sat 23-Feb-13 08:50:17

If someone thought my child was injured badly enough to go to hospital, I wouldn't be finishing my cup of tea before leaving the house calmly to meander over to A&E.

A&E stands for accident and emergency. If the child wasn't that badly hurt and the injury was minor, why not just wait for the parent to collect and take to the hospital themselves??? A&E is not a place I would want my child to be without me.

The OP had no idea at the point she received the call how badly her child's finger was hurt. He could have been in excruciating pain for all she knew. I am actually really shocked at some of the responses on this thread - I don't know why, I've been on MN to know better than to think all parents are like me.

Sirzy Sat 23-Feb-13 08:55:49

Because they couldn't get hold of the parent, the OP made that very clear in the opening post. Still doesn't mean the child was rushed to hospital they just arranged for another contact to pick the child up. So the friend was with him, her husband was on his way and had already told her what had happened therefore there is no need to panic and rush.

If it was an emergency then they would have called an ambulance not waited until they found someone else who could do the pick up. It was an accident, nothing major and certainly not rushed to hospital.

LynetteScavo Sat 23-Feb-13 09:16:24

Yes, because they couldn't get hold of the parent......if it really wan't that serious, why not just wait? It was serious enough to require a hospital visit before the parent collected at the end of the day.... and therefore the OP's reaction was perfectly normal and rational IMO.

Sirzy Sat 23-Feb-13 09:21:21

There is a whole range between "doesn't need anything" and "rushed to hospital though" it isn't an either or. It was a get them there sooner rather than later case which is what happened.

The situation was in hand, therefore no need to panic.

frogspoon Sat 23-Feb-13 09:22:55

OP, I think you are misunderstanding.

Nobody has said YABU to say "oh fucking hell"
Nobody has said YABU to get your shoes on and go to the hospital
Because neither of those things are unreasonable and can be done in a calm and collected manner (and safe/careful regarding the driving)

But "panicking" and "rushing" was unnecessary and unreasonable for a trapped finger (and in the case of driving potentially dangerous) That is what we have said is being unreasonable.

My sister broke her arm at school as a child. A more serious injury as it did require surgery, but not life threatening. My mum arrived home from supermarket shopping to find about 5 messages on the answer machine (this was in the days before mobile phones) and literally dropped the shopping and rushed straight to hospital (where she waited with my sister in the waiting room for another couple of hours!).

My dad arrived home several hours later to find a puddle of water on the floor from all the frozen food! Not "panicking" and slowing down for a couple of minutes to put the frozen food in the freezer and the perishables in the fridge would have taken about 5 minutes, and would have made no difference to my sister's healthcare, as she hadn't even been x-rayed yet.

This is why you were being unreasonable.

Sirzy Sat 23-Feb-13 09:26:19

Exactly frogspoon

TobyLerone Sat 23-Feb-13 09:34:32

Sounds like there is a back story here, involving the OP making her DH feel useless.

TidyDancer Sat 23-Feb-13 11:19:43

I think it's your treatment of your DH that is causing the majority of the YABU responses. You did overreact, but it was the way you reacted to your DH that was bad. He may be a bit hapless, but you don't need to be especially on the ball to deal with a minor injury, just be there to sign papers etc.

Your friend drove your DS to hospital as I understand it and your DH would've been there too. I understand your desire to get there, but not your belittling views of your DH. He is presumably not a child and I'm sure could've coped quite adequately with a hurt finger.

TidyDancer Sat 23-Feb-13 11:19:58

Exactly, Toby.

LynetteScavo Sat 23-Feb-13 11:22:08

Your child is hurt. You rush to them because you wan't to be with them. Stuff the frozen food.

My DH would know far better than to try to tell me I was over reacting in a situation like this.

DM asked DS2 why I react in a certain way to things. He told her it was because I got so worried because I love him so much.My mother doesn't understand why I get stressed - she would have put away the shopping first. I would have been sitting in A&E ages, longing every person to walk through the door to be her, but she would have taken ages before strolling in. I can't be that sort of mother.

TheSeniorWrangler Sat 23-Feb-13 11:23:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSeniorWrangler Sat 23-Feb-13 11:25:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere Sat 23-Feb-13 11:54:17

Another one who was quite clear in my response.
But i suspect even though it was clear it still wasn't what was expected or wanted.
The amount of visable panic does not directly link to what a loving and caring parent you are.

If you make it clear that you think your partner is an incompetent idiot you are storing up a whole load of trouble for yourself if one of your children has a serious accident or illness.

It is natural to be upset and worried if your child is hurt. It is part of your job as a parent to keep just how freaked you are to yourself.

Being the most visibly 'concerned' parent in A&E does not win you any prizes.

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