To be so angry at comments about nurofen/calpol

(164 Posts)
ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 22:51:14

My 4 dcs-dd1 (11), ds1 (6), dd2 (3) and ds2 (10ms) all have a genetic condition EDS causing them pain on a daily basis.

Ds1 also suffers from migraine requiring painkillers and all 4 frequently get viruses and infections (usually throat/ear) that gives them extremely high temps.

Ds1 has been very very poorly for the last week, temp up to 104f at one point and I thought he would have a fit it was terrifying but we got it down eventually with nur/calpol.

Dcs physio recommened these medicines for the joint/muscle pain they all get and gp always says to give calpol and nurofen even today adjusting ds1 dose to try and stop his temp going so high.

MIL has always made comments that my overuse of painkillers is the reason the dcs catch every bug going and are such sickly children.

She said it again today and I just lost my temper then cried. She is making out it is my fault then went on to say they are all on anti b too much as well. I have had enough of it-she is talking rubbish isn't she?

MIL is adamant these painkillers are causing dcs ill health but the gp/physio/consultant wouldn't keep telling me to use them surely if they were contributing to the problem?

cory Thu 21-Feb-13 22:56:48

Paracetamol (the active ingredient in calpol) is not without risks (and horrendously dangerous if you overdose). But it is unlikely to do much harm in the tiny doses your dc will be taking.

In any case, you have to weight that against the fact that a child who is in permanent pain may suffering from other health risks (including deteriorating muscle function) due to inability to use painful joints. And unmanaged pain itself drags you down and lowers the immune system- so could well be causing your dc's proneness to infections.

Dd has been prescribed Co-codamol for EDS in the past. That is both potentially dangerous and addictive, but the GP who prescribed it reasoned that it is better for her to be able to stay upright and exercise her joints with the hope of strengthening them= less pain in the long run, rather than being in a wheelchair and getting more and more pain.

Ignore her.

I take ludicrous amounts of painkillers every day because I have to. I get similar pain to what your children suffer (or at least I assume so, as new rheumatologists always want to check to see if I'm hypermobile; I most certainly am not). If they need pain relief, you should give it to them. Chronic pain is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Children are always getting ill, IME. Taking pain killers isn't going to give them viral infections.

My DD took too much Calpol and had an itchy skin reaction (I looked up online and it was listed as a symptom. I had to make an emergency dash to get her anti-histamines and Lanacane)

Suggest your MIL spends 24 hours with you looking after 4 unwell children.
That might be enough to shut her up?

bumperella Thu 21-Feb-13 23:02:59

Clearly your MIL is far better informed than your GP and DC's consultants. You should definitely take her random interfering "advice" over that of someone who is medically qualified.

People say outright stupid things. It must be incredibly difficult to feel criticised for causing your DC "sickliness" by someone who should be on your side. Of course you're doing the right thing in following medical advice. If this wasn't a one-off crass comment then you need to get someone - DH, FIL, whoever - to have A Word with MIL.

HollyBerryBush Thu 21-Feb-13 23:03:54

Painkillers do not lower the immune system - re the comment about catching every bug going.

ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:04:01

I tried to tell her I have checked with gp numerous times that its ok for dcs to be taking painkillers so regularly and been assured that as long as I do not go over the doses or give too frequently it is fine.

She is just the same when they have anti b and tried to put dd2 recent diabetes diagnosis down to having "sugary calpol too often"

I can't stand the woman she is constantly trying to make me feel like rubbish and questioning my parenting. She watches me struggling, is quick to criticise but never helps with anything.

DoctorAnge Thu 21-Feb-13 23:04:15

I think you are doing extremely well under difficult circumstances.
Let's see how she would cope with so many children in discomfort and pain. She has no right to infer that.

cory Thu 21-Feb-13 23:06:05

Several paediatricians have suggested that dd's susceptibility to bugs was due to badly managed pain, and it is true that now that her pain is under proper control she seems to catch far fewer things and recover much more quickly. Being run down is no great aid to anybody's immune system.

Well calpol is now sugar free, so your MIL is even more wrong.

Just grit your teeth and tell your DH to deal with her.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 21-Feb-13 23:11:28

You are doing whatever you can to make life better for your children, you are getting and following expert advice, no one could ask for more than that! You are doing a great job and don't let anyone tell you any different

Don't tell your mil anything else about your dc's health or medication, if she is going to be so insensitive and judgemental then she loses all rights to be involved

ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:17:00

It just seems to be her sole mission to destroy me bit by bit, EVERYTHING I do is wrong and making the dcs unwell.

She is always angry that dh and I share the nighttime getting up for dcs (dd2 has blood sugar checks and they all wake up due to pain and ds2 still has a night feed) apparently I should be doing this by myself and dh should have a full nights sleep! She is worried about him being tired and getting unwell. The whole time dd2 was in hospital recently really unwell MIL kept texting-not asking how dd was but telling me to make sure dh got enough rest and food!

I think she is just trying to undermine me in every way she can but this calpol/nurofen and antibiotics rubbish has really pissed me off.

It sounds like she is unable to come to terms with your children's health issues and is grasping at anything that may justify why they are ill - even though it is clear from your post that none of the things she is trying to blame are even a factor.

Obviously she is being v v unreasonable and massively unfair to you as, whether or not it is deliberate, her grasping for "reasons" is also inferring that you are doing something wrong. Which you clearly aren't.

She needs to accept that your DC have health issues because they have health issues - end of story. She also needs to accept that as their mother you are doing absolutely everything for their benefit, and with a lot of thought and care involved.

I'd be tempted to scream at her - but it sounds like that wouldn't work. The only other thing that might work is to say to her "You appear to have some concerns over the children's health - why don't you come to the Dr with me and they can answer any queries you might have?" Then when she comes to the Drs trot out all of the insane suggestions points above and let your GP tell her she is a complete idiot followed by said GP telling your MIL how fabulous you are. (I know my GP would do this so hoping yours is the same).

You shouldn't have to do this - but I really feel this would shut her up and also show her that a medical professional is not only well aware of what you are doing, but also fully agrees and supports you.

Also - isn't Calpol sugar free now? Bloody tastes like it is!

happyAvocado Thu 21-Feb-13 23:19:45

I was always under impression that giving your body break from pain you are allowing it to recover quicker and your MIL having no knowledge is just digging at you

I ma sure this is the least of the situations to have her around - but maybe she should be at home when you ask HV around?
Would she listen to strangers rather than you?

Just ask her when, and which university, she qualified as a doctor at? And then state calmly, "I am following the doctor's advice as to what is the best pain management regime for my children"
Repeat as necessary and try not to let her the ould bat get to you. It must be so stressful and upsetting for you anyway, knowing the children have pain and not being able to make it all go away sad the very last thing you need is someone passing comment and wittering on about your treatment, which was suggested by their qualified doctor - stand firm and try not to let her upset you.

AnyFucker Thu 21-Feb-13 23:20:49

Your MIL is talking shit

Actually having read your last post it sounds like she is a MIL from Hell.

Bugger taking her to the Dr - I would just totally disengage from her. Mentalist.

FrankWippery Thu 21-Feb-13 23:24:12

AnyFucker is spot on. As per.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 21-Feb-13 23:27:08

If your DC's need the meds then just give them. DS has regular meds which are extremely toxic and increase his risk of cancers and liver damage. He still needs these meds.

DS also has EDS (not severe) and gets awful joint pains at night. You just have to manage the pain the best way you can.

Please ignore your MIL. EDS is a fairly 'new' medical condition - just sigh and say its not her fault she is 'behind the times' and try going through what EDS is, every time. That might stop her.

It sounds like all communication with your MIL should be diverted via your DH. It seems only fair that he should have to deal with his nightmare mother.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 21-Feb-13 23:30:15

Actually she is just weird. No concern for her GC but needing to check if her grown son was eating and resting?? Any chance you can reduce the amount of time she spends with you all?

NobbyClark Thu 21-Feb-13 23:31:43

Yep. She is in the wrong. Massively. What does your DH think?

Smellslikecatspee Thu 21-Feb-13 23:33:42

There is HUGE amounts of research in to the links between chronic pain and its affect on the immune system. Google pain immune system reduce.

But I suspect that your MIL would poo poo any research you put in front of her. I would smile, nod and ignore, ignore, ignore.

You're trying to reason with the unreasonable.

And there the road to madness lies

ariane5 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:37:41

She thinks she knows best about everything, and of course likes to make it obvious she doesn't think I was good enough for her son.

I was just so tired today and hearing the same old "its your fault they're always ill you give them too much nurofen" really made me angry. She has no idea what its like, hardly bothers with dcs and if ever we ask could she babysit she always has a 'bad back' or can't because of dcs problems as they are quite difficult to manage.

She makes comments about dcs bad attendance at school and says in front of dd1 and ds1 how her other grandchildren have 100 percent attendance. Never mind that they are both perfectly healthy she has to go on about it like dcs have a choice about their health.

thezebrawearspurple Thu 21-Feb-13 23:38:58

The more ignorant people are, the more judgemental they are. You are a saint for putting up with her so far. I wouldn't give her the opportunity tbh, cut off any of her comments abruptly with something along the lines of 'the doctors know what they're talking about, you don't, you don't want to educate yourself, that's fine, go talk shite elsewhere'.

Does she criticize you in your home or your own? Every time she criticises you make a point of picking up your kids and leaving immediately or if in your house, handing her her bag and coat and telling her to leave. If her nonsense continues you don't have to tolerate her, don't visit/let her insmile

By the sounds of it you've got enough stress in your life, you're under no obligation to accept obnoxious people who add to it. Her rudeness is her problem, don't let it be yours.

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