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To want to exclusively bf against DP's wishes?

(96 Posts)
chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 12:25:00

DS2 is 3 months old and feeding well but often, as is normal for breastfed babies.

I partially breastfed DS1 for 9 months but he had formula top ups from day 1 because he was born with low blood sugar (I had undiagnosed GD). As DS1 was also a big baby and my first I was constantly worried he was hungry and didn't trust I was making enough milk.

Eventually the top ups became more frequent and m y milk dried up, which combined with the fact that he preferred the bottle as he got older and more active meant I stopped breastfeeding before I wanted to.

This time I have established nursing properly, DS2 is gaining weight steadily and I just don't want to interfere with it. DP thinks the commitment to nursing and the time it takes means I'm less available to DS1, now a two year old and to DP himself. I think he would also like to feed DS2 and I struggle to express milk in any quantity. To be clear he doesn't want me to stop breastfeeding, just to introduce some formula too. I don't want to, AIBU?

He's talking tripe, mix feeding takes away more time from the older one, you have to spend the time to wash bottles and mix the feeds, EBF you life baby and hook him up, much less time consuming. I spent a lot of time EBF and reading books to older Ds and drawing pictures etc.
If he's concerned he wants to bond over feeding, he can bond by burping, dressing, bathing the baby, no need to mess with your breastfeeding.

EatMyFoodFeelMyFork Wed 20-Feb-13 16:55:51

YANBU, why not suggest your DH gives the baby a bath while you give time to your toddler. FWIW the whole "feeding to bond" shit really pisses me off, there is much more to caring for a newborn than feeding.

TerrariaMum Wed 20-Feb-13 17:02:23

OK, this may sound strange, but right from DD's birth on, DH did all nappy changes when he was home. It made establishing bfing much much easier and he felt that by giving me the space to only concentrate on bfing when she was new, he was helping. He really was.

Now, he is still in charge of nappies when he is at home, toothbrushing, and medicine giving.

Would any of those help? And of course YANBU.

Teapot13 Wed 20-Feb-13 17:04:00

I don't get it when people complain about the time it takes to breastfeed. It takes how long it takes. The fact that we now have the technology (formula) that is an adequate substitute, which in some cases may seem to take less time if feeds are quicker and less frequent, doesn't make BF a waste of time. It's still the normal way to feed a baby.

I found the mobi wrap great to use for breastfeeding, although this backfired slightly when DD figured out how to get to it when in a side hold and flashed my boob to Ikea!

Branleuse Wed 20-Feb-13 18:03:11

i breastfed all mine exclusively for god knows how long - BUT they were all efficient feeders and I had massive milk supply etc and was lucky. What you do is up to you, but I dont think from what youve said hes being unreasonable. Neither of you are. Its brilliant that youve managed to exclusively feed so far. Just do whats right for you as a family as well as the baby x

maddening Wed 20-Feb-13 18:27:26

I wouldn't do mix feeding - either ff or expeessing till 5 mths at least if you can avoid it or don't want to - the growth spurt cluster feeding are his way of upping supply if you want to continue bfeeding for local longer.

jalapeno Wed 20-Feb-13 18:34:32

YANBU, sounds like he is thinking about himself rather than your convenience and the benefit to your baby.

YANBU, while formula is fine for babies and many babies thrive on it, it is not the ideal. The first non-breastmilk food changes their gut, it would be better for your baby to stick with what you are doing until at least six months (assuming you are happy doing so)

Have you tried pumping on one side while feeding on the other in the morning? I had most luck then. Takes a little coordination and stuff set up on tables close to hand.

Perhaps you could agree that he will be the one to give the baby his first 'solid' food. Maybe that will help him feel more involved?

OhIsntItJustSHOCKING Wed 20-Feb-13 19:26:17

YANBU, your milk dried up the first time, it could likely also happen this time. Carry on with what you want, considering you've already put all that effort in, and are happy with BF, then continue to.

Personally think DH is being very selfish and not thinking about DS's best interests. DS is getting better health and bonding with you from BF, there is no need to stop this. You can still talk to other DS while doing this, so I'm sure your other DS is still getting plenty of attention (you can't really ignore a 2 year old without hearing about it from them!) so basically this is just about DH...
Tell him to quit moaning and wait the 2-3 months until weaning, when he can feed him get puree thrown in his face as much as he likes!

RayofSun Wed 20-Feb-13 19:31:11

Haven't read through so Jit sure if mentioned but at least with bf you have one free hand to play/ read with older sibling. Ff more restrictive as need both hands (at least I did). Could you let you husband do one formula feed eg dream feed and that would give you a break, get him involved and probably wouldn't affect your supply?

RayofSun Wed 20-Feb-13 19:31:34

*not

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:15

You are doing so well, don't stop! Your dh is being incredibly selfish - you have established bf really well and it's the best thing for baby so why bring formula in? And it will get a lot easier over the next few months. Don't mix if you don't have to.

PolkadotCircus Wed 20-Feb-13 19:53:53

Depends.I found bfing incredibly time consuming and ffing very quick.I also think a 2 year old needs and deserves his mum just as much as a newborn.If that isn't the case for you and said 2 year old isn't missing out then don't fix what ain't broke.

chroniclackofimagination Wed 20-Feb-13 20:34:39

DS2 is gaining weight well and very content generally, although he does have growth spurts where he cluster feeds and I think we're in one now. He snacks rather than finish a big feed so right now it feels like he's on all the time.

My weak spot is that as polka dot says, my two year old needs me too. I do play with him and I read to him, cuddle him and involve him in caring for DS2 where I can, I make a big deal of how much baby likes him (which is true, DS2 lights up when he sees him, it's lovely). But there are always times when he wants to be carried around or sit on me or just for me to come look at something and I'm feeding baby. I feel guilty but again, don't think formula would change much.

DoJo Wed 20-Feb-13 20:36:20

YANBU but I don't think he is either - his suggestion might be a solution to some of the problems you have listed here, but if you would prefer to carry on EBFing then that is for the best. I don't agree with the posters who say he is being selfish - you only have to read some of the posts on here about how much people enjoy breastfeeding to understand why a father might want to try and capture a little of that for themselves, and it does sound as though he is thinking of you and your children too. Might it be worth reassuring him that you have actually taken all his points on board, and you appreciate that his suggestion isn't unreasonable, but that you feel very strongly about carrying on and would really like his support. Maybe he feels as though 'having the breasts' is actually giving you a bit of a raw deal in terms of time to yourself and genuinely wants a solution which could make both of you happy.

pomdereplay Wed 20-Feb-13 20:51:18

So glad to see the almost unanimous YANBU. Keep going for as long as you are happy for -- you are right that a) this is a difficult but short-lived phase in DS2's life and b) formula wouldn't be much different (plus you would be having to sterilise and make up bottles).

A Hotslings pouch sling was very useful for me until I got the hang of using a woven wrap. Otherwise a stretchy wrap may work, Victoria Slinglady makes reliable wraps extremely cheaply for sale on eBay.

I will have been breastfeeding for a year tomorrow (my little girl is growing up!). DD is phenomenally securely attached to DH, and DH completely does a very fair share of the parenting.

MikeOxardAndWellard Wed 20-Feb-13 21:03:05

Yanbu at all. Yes having another baby does mean they have to share your time and attention, but having a sibling more than makes up for that imo, and as you say, ff will not change this.

AScorpionPitForMimes Wed 20-Feb-13 21:35:23

YANBU, and I disagree with those who have said your DH is not being unreasonable. FF would not give you more time to spend with your toddler - it would take longer, what with making up the feeds, sterilising and so on. And FF babies have growth spurts too, during which they feed more frequently, so no gain for your 2yo there.

Your DH doesn't seem to have mentioned you or your baby in this anywhere, it's really all about him - and that means he is selfish. He can hold out for 3-ish more months until your baby is ready for solid food and will in any case need fewer feeds. It sounds as if BF is going really well for you, so why should you take on something that is going to make more work for you?

You can be nice about telling him all this, but you should not feel bad about not giving in to his emotional blackmail.

Yfronts Wed 20-Feb-13 21:58:59

Maybe he should be thinking about whats best for the baby and of course that is breast milk 100%. DH is just thinking about himself, selfish man.

BF is so much easier and less time consuming in the long run. Also your ay will be on solids very soon and so feeding less anyway.

GogoGobo Wed 20-Feb-13 22:22:34

YAnbu. I cannot bear men who put their needs on the flipping table as if they are somehow equal to a completely dependant nursing infant! And that goes for the needy fuckers who find something to whine about with their FF partner too!

babanouche Wed 20-Feb-13 22:27:48

YANBU

Some men feel a bit threatened when a baby comes along. He's trying to gain some power back. I'm sorry but these men have got to just suck it up. It's not for long in the grand scheme of things.

ps you may want to adopt a more conciliatory tone than 'suck it up'.

My take on it is ... He can suggest .... You can say no ! HTH smile

YANBU don't jeopardise bf for his -hysterical freakery- worries. M
Good luck.

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