Mum-in -law and Sister - in- law ganging up on you?

(79 Posts)
mgrg Mon 18-Feb-13 22:55:14

I lost my lovely Mum recently, totally unexpectedly through a heart attack. My Mum was my my main carer for my daughters under 9.I have a job and my Mum helped me to keep the plates from falling. My husband and I both work. On the day of my Mum's funeral my mother-in-law said she would help me with my girls in the school holidays. Neither she nor my SIL (who lives away) have ever had a job at the same time as having children. Any way, my manager is asking me about time off for the Easter holidays. My Mum in law then says that she can't look after her granddaughter because she has to go and look after her daughter's dogs.
My daughter Vs Sil' dogs.
What would u do ?

I'd find someone reliable to look after my daughter. What else can you do?

YouTheCat Mon 18-Feb-13 22:58:56

I'd get a childminder or have a look at out of school clubs.

Sorry to hear about your mum. But don't rely on your mil as she clearly is a bit of a cow.

nilbyname Mon 18-Feb-13 23:00:43

You need reliable childcare. Your MIL is not that person, take the power from her, find a local good CM.

Sorry to hear about your mum.

Salmotrutta Mon 18-Feb-13 23:00:45

I'm sorry about your Mum OP.

Is your manager asking you about time off for themselves during the hols? Meaning you would have no choice but to work?

If you do have to work and your MIL has made prior arrangements there isn't much you can do if she won't change them.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Feb-13 23:01:55

Sorry to hear about your Mum OP

But how much notice did your MIL have regarding the holidays?

Did she make the arrangements before or after knowing the dates?

SingingSands Mon 18-Feb-13 23:03:20

Just say "fine" and then leave it. Don't start an argument about it because it will get you nowhere.

I do know exactly where you are coming from. My own mother does this - she boards dogs in her home for people who are too posh to kennel their dogs. So she chooses other people's dogs over her own grandchildren. She didn't visit us at all last year, and only saw the DC for 4.5 days out of the entire year.

It's taken me a while to get over my bitter thoughts but I've accepted it. The more I've left it, I think my mother is starting to regret it and is now making noises about coming to visit at Easter. I'm not holding my breath.

Salmotrutta Mon 18-Feb-13 23:04:21

Err, I don't see how the MIL is a cow YouTheCat?

Because she arranged something else?

I'm also confused as to why the ILs are ganging up on you OP?

Is it not just a prior arrangement causing a hitch?

Or did she say she was dog-sitting after agreeing to babysit?

YouTheCat Mon 18-Feb-13 23:06:37

Oops I meant to edit that before I posted. I think she is a bit off though. It's easy enough to see, from a calendar, when Easter is really.

Salmotrutta Mon 18-Feb-13 23:09:32

Maybe MIL thought the OP was going to be off for Easter - until the manager decided to take hols?

Wherefore art thou OP?

<gazes forlornly>

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Mon 18-Feb-13 23:15:35

Find paid childcare that you can rely on.

aldiwhore Mon 18-Feb-13 23:16:56

Sorry to hear about your Mum mgrg

You were in a fortunate position when you had your Mum to provide childcare, it's a rare position to be in. Unfortunately I think you're just going to have to find a decent holiday club... it is expensive (very) but if you pre-book your annual leave as soon as you can for the whole year, you can reduce that cost considerably.

I don't think your MIL or SIL or being mean, providing childcare is not obligatory (though it's nice if you have people willing) so I struggle to criticise them.

If you can't rely on someone, don't count on them. x

mgrg Mon 18-Feb-13 23:19:08

I love my MIL and so do my girls. She and my SIL are not our friends any more. But they r not my friend. What should i do?

mgrg Mon 18-Feb-13 23:33:28

aldiwhore. I don't think you quite understand our situation so much. I'm in a situation where if I say my in - laws are going to pick my girls up from school, then that's fine. But if they decide they are not available, and they quite frankly don't tell us because they have do us: the wheels fall us. What do we do then?

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Feb-13 23:38:20

OP, did you tell your MIL the dates you wanted her to babysit in advance?

Did she agree to babysit on those dates, and did she then decide to dog sit instead?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase Mon 18-Feb-13 23:42:37

Sorry mgrg, I don't understand what you mean - are you still friendly with your ILs or not? Can you rely on them?

mgrg Mon 18-Feb-13 23:44:51

WorraLiberty. Only from the day of my Mum's funeral.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Feb-13 23:58:35

Ok so on the day of your Mum's funeral, you told her the exact dates that the school breaks up and returns after Easter?

Did she write it down?

If she did and she was well aware of those dates...and decided to dog sit instead YADNBU.

mgrg Tue 19-Feb-13 00:03:38

WorraLiberty: well you're just lovely aren't you?

YouTheCat Tue 19-Feb-13 00:05:30

I'm getting the impression (though I may be wrong) that mgrg's mum's funeral was pretty recent.

I really don't think I would be up to discussing child care on that occasion and may be the mil should have followed up her offer by asking for dates as I don't think OP's mind is focussed at the moment (quite understandably).

A bit of kindness and thought goes a long way.

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Feb-13 00:07:16

WorraLiberty: well you're just lovely aren't you?

Well yes I think so...but I'm confused as to why you mentioned it? confused

I'm not having a go at you if that's what you think?

mgrg Tue 19-Feb-13 00:50:21

Well, there you go.

mgrg Tue 19-Feb-13 01:06:47

So when your Mum dies, Worral, make you and your brothers and sisters have a pen and paper ready on the day of her funeral to write of ready of her arrangements down,

mgrg Tue 19-Feb-13 01:19:26

So anyway. I have still not got to the point, but looking through your answers so far. My little girls' whose only 8, is going to have to rely on me and my Dad, now that my Mum has gone. My SIL has sent us a threatening text against me. She has said that she "wants to size me to size", and I have taken that to be a physical threat. But apparently it's not. I don't know what to think?

mgrg Tue 19-Feb-13 01:23:42

So anyway. I have still not got to the point, but looking through your answers so far. My little girls' whose only 8, is going to have to rely on me and my Dad, now that my Mum has gone. My SIL has sent us a threatening text against me. She has said that she "wants to size me to size", and I have taken that to be a physical threat. But apparently it's not. I don't know what to think?

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