Can I go to the police with this? Facebook related.

(99 Posts)
Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 03:38:49

Ok, try and keep this brief.

Ds had a horrific accident in mid 2010. In which both dh and ds were both set on fire. It was a freak accident, no one was to blame, and childrens services, nor the police were involved. In fact their wasn't even an investigation.

Now I have a person in which I thought was a friend, she came and seen ds at the hospital, brought him gifts and wotnot when he came out, has been to my childrens parties with her children and I hold a hallowe'en party every year and she attends with her children. Etc...

We had a minor disagreement after she was continually slating the hospital in which my son attends/attended. As she was constantly calling them idiots, morons, uneducated etc... (Her child was admitted) I said that *is hardly call them idiots, considering they saved ds life*. (She's in the same ward as ds was for 4 months).

She took a massive offence by the comment above and deleted me from her account.

A friend in common (who did not know her post was about me) liked a comment she made beleiving it to be in reference to a child in the ward she was in (friend didn't know about the disagreement) so hence why I seem the following post.

really wonders how a parent who has put their own child through so much pain through their own stupidity, can have the bare faced check to slag me off, I suppose guilt is a strong emotion, and presents itself in various ways, attacking others in being one iof those ways. My conscious is clear in ive done all I can possibly do for my child, unlike others here

Now I have not al all slagged her off, nor have I attacked her in anyway shape or form, they only thing I have said was my above comment.

It is clear from people in common who have text or called me, to say they are disgusted by her comments, and they have spoken to her and have said the post was vile, inaccurate and below the pale due to a minor disagreement and even at that, was really just a different opinion.

Its also clear going by the following comments, that is it clearly about us.

I'm beyond angry, in that she has blamed us for hurting our child, and that she has done it so publicly.

To make matters worse I have too see her everyday as she teaches in my childrens classes as a volunteer teachers assistant. I do not want this person anywhere near my children!!

I really want to go to the police about this, but don't know if I can, or if this is a matter they can deal with.

I also want to go into DC school and ask that she does not go anywhere near them.

AIBU, or am I just completely mad?

I honesty can't express how hurt, disgusted, and angry that this has been said about us and so publicaly also.

FairyJen Mon 18-Feb-13 13:09:11

Op sad I would speak to the school definatley even if they cannot "take sides" as a volunteer it would be simple enough to place get in a different class to your child. Remember any stress on you and your partner will affect your children do the school should be made aware of it imho

BlatantLies Mon 18-Feb-13 13:32:07

I am not surprised you are upset. That is an extremely nasty comment. As it is so, so awful I bet that anyone else reading it would also realise that she is a nasty piece of work.

I hope you are OK. [bunch]

BlatantLies Mon 18-Feb-13 13:32:33

Oops I meant thanks

WhichIsBest Mon 18-Feb-13 13:56:46

I would go and ask that she not help in your DC's class.

thebody Mon 18-Feb-13 14:00:29

I am so very very sorry op she sounds vile.

I am a TA and would not dream of mentioning any of the children/parents in my class or school.. She is making a huge mistake doing this and school will have a policy on social media which she is supposed to adhere to.

I would report this to the HT.

Again so sorry xx

I would take it to the HT of your dc school.

She is accusing the parents of a child she teaches of having deliberately harmed the child, and she is doing so publicly.

SuffolkNWhat Mon 18-Feb-13 14:02:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarinaIvy Mon 18-Feb-13 14:35:02

Written = libel. Spoken = slander.

And you don't have to mention somebody by name for it to be libel or slander, the only benchmark is that a reasonable person in the relevant audience would know who is being talked about. Of course this can vary from one forum to another, but in this context it seems pretty clear, not least because you've had other people bring it to your attention.

I agree that police probably won't get involved, and that a libel case would cost more than it's worth, but getting Facebook and the school (with screenshot) to do something about it are the ways forward. Yes, the school would be interested to know about this abuse of internet, and yes, you can get rid of a volunteer (or paid) worker for this sort of breach. Hell, if I were her head teacher, I'd be tempted to sack her for misuse of the word "conscience".

And take heart that many friends-in-common are giving you their support. You said some people have told her what she wrote was vile, etc - have you heard anything further, like what she'd said to them in reply?

I don't think you have much to gain by writing to the woman directly, best case scenario you'll make her day for upsetting you so much, worst case, she'll find a way to twist your words yet again.

Keep us posted! And hugs to your DS.

MariusEarlobe Mon 18-Feb-13 14:46:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sherazade Mon 18-Feb-13 14:50:11

If she is working at your children's school surely she can't be allowed to have parents on her fb list.

xxDebstarxx Mon 18-Feb-13 15:25:30

As others have said the school should have a social media policy and I'm sure they will not be happy that she has spoken like that about the family of a child she works with.

Definitely make a complaint and say you are not happy that she is in class with any of your children.

Cuddlyrunner Mon 18-Feb-13 16:00:41

OP, I have sent you a private message x

LtEveDallas Mon 18-Feb-13 16:16:34

PureQuintessence Mon 18-Feb-13 14:01:08

*I would take it to the HT of your dc school.
She is accusing the parents of a child she teaches of having deliberately harmed the child, and she is doing so publicly*

I agree with this. Even if the HT does not take it seriously, or nothing more is said, it cannot cause any more hurt than Altinkum is going through right now.

BalloonSlayer Mon 18-Feb-13 16:28:28

she isn't accusing them of deliberately harming him though. She is accusing them of being careless and letting him down in some unspecified way.

However given that she knows neither is the case, what she is saying is still malicious, inappropriate, untrue and and an appalling thing for anyone to say, let alone someone in her position.

BelindaCarlisle Tue 19-Feb-13 07:02:01

The police have recently had new guidance from the DPP. They won't prosecute for being unkind.

CabbageLeaves Tue 19-Feb-13 07:16:29

Definitely go to the head about this. I spoke to the head about a TA at school and was reassured. My complaint was both unsubstantiated and personal (exH and woman related) and I fully expected to be dismissed with a 'grow up' and 'we're professional' response but the Head took on board my concern and promised this woman would never work in my DCs class (yes, I was amazed)

Altinkum Thu 21-Feb-13 21:39:26


Sorry I haven't replied as their isn't much to tell, I will be going to school on Monday, but understandably I'm trying to not think about it.
My comment had no malice or bad karma towards her, just stating my experience, and if she allowed me to say, that we all have different experience...

Altinkum Thu 21-Feb-13 21:41:49

I said a word on here that MN quite rightfully deleted, I wrongly didn't know it was a disablist word, and for that I apologise.

florry88 Fri 22-Feb-13 17:17:20

Hope you got a satisfactory response from school.

Im sure she cannot mention in any context children where she works

AppleStroodles Fri 22-Feb-13 17:45:14

I would go to the school, I wouldn't want my children anywhere near her, really disguting behaviour.

AppleStroodles Fri 22-Feb-13 17:45:26


roslet Fri 22-Feb-13 17:47:29

The school would want to know about this. Parents tell Headteachers many things that are not always relevant, but this is.

JakeBullet Fri 22-Feb-13 17:51:12

Altinmum I really feel for you as something similar happened last year with my DS. A woman I thought was friendly actually referred to my DS as "a little shit" on Facebook. I only saw it as someone sent me a screen grab but like you I was hurt, angry and shocked.
Tbh the school did not get too involved and on balance I think that was wrong but time has gone by now and I have let it go despite wanting to call her all the names under the sun the next time I saw her at the school gate, I still hate her.

Like others have said....she is an awful woman, do t let her sap your energy.

Likewise don't PM her...but if it helps then were the message you would like to send....I did this, didn't send it but still have it to remind me of the fact she is a bitch and not worthwhile.

Altinkum Sat 23-Feb-13 21:18:59

The message I would send her is this...

You accused me of deliberately harming my child through my own selfishness and that I have a guilty conscious, and that (in your opinion) I have failed to do the best for my son.

I realise now your true character was always false, when you came to the house with gifts. Seen first hand just how devastated we were.... Including ds1... and then come to future parties like his first birthday party, annual Halloween parties that we hold... But because I simply stated a fact... In that the RVI saved my child's life, you then took it beyond personal in YOU bringing our innocent children into a non difference of opinion. I may suggest to you that you are continually telling me on Fb/friends etc... To get a life well I'm more fidfiled than I've ever been.

I honestly hope toy get the answer You need for your child.

I rely do how x is ok and you get the results your expecting, however

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