Can I go to the police with this? Facebook related.

(99 Posts)
Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 03:38:49

Ok, try and keep this brief.

Ds had a horrific accident in mid 2010. In which both dh and ds were both set on fire. It was a freak accident, no one was to blame, and childrens services, nor the police were involved. In fact their wasn't even an investigation.

Now I have a person in which I thought was a friend, she came and seen ds at the hospital, brought him gifts and wotnot when he came out, has been to my childrens parties with her children and I hold a hallowe'en party every year and she attends with her children. Etc...

We had a minor disagreement after she was continually slating the hospital in which my son attends/attended. As she was constantly calling them idiots, morons, uneducated etc... (Her child was admitted) I said that *is hardly call them idiots, considering they saved ds life*. (She's in the same ward as ds was for 4 months).

She took a massive offence by the comment above and deleted me from her account.

A friend in common (who did not know her post was about me) liked a comment she made beleiving it to be in reference to a child in the ward she was in (friend didn't know about the disagreement) so hence why I seem the following post.

really wonders how a parent who has put their own child through so much pain through their own stupidity, can have the bare faced check to slag me off, I suppose guilt is a strong emotion, and presents itself in various ways, attacking others in being one iof those ways. My conscious is clear in ive done all I can possibly do for my child, unlike others here

Now I have not al all slagged her off, nor have I attacked her in anyway shape or form, they only thing I have said was my above comment.

It is clear from people in common who have text or called me, to say they are disgusted by her comments, and they have spoken to her and have said the post was vile, inaccurate and below the pale due to a minor disagreement and even at that, was really just a different opinion.

Its also clear going by the following comments, that is it clearly about us.

I'm beyond angry, in that she has blamed us for hurting our child, and that she has done it so publicly.

To make matters worse I have too see her everyday as she teaches in my childrens classes as a volunteer teachers assistant. I do not want this person anywhere near my children!!

I really want to go to the police about this, but don't know if I can, or if this is a matter they can deal with.

I also want to go into DC school and ask that she does not go anywhere near them.

AIBU, or am I just completely mad?

I honesty can't express how hurt, disgusted, and angry that this has been said about us and so publicaly also.

CatsRule Mon 18-Feb-13 09:23:29

I also wouldn't stoop to her lever and message her.

It isn't nice to make comments like that publicly, so passive agressive, and it is unprofessional.

Would the other people who know her and the things she has been saying back you up...by that I mean independently saying something to the school?

A volunteer working with vulnerable people would still need the same pvg checks as a paid teacher amd would be expected to behave in an appripriate manner as a representative whether on school or outsidw.

Collaborate Mon 18-Feb-13 09:32:48

A volunteer's teacher's assistant will be subject to the same standards of behavior that are expected from the teachers.

Bad mouthing parents about injury to a pupil is beyond the pale, and gross misconduct.

OP you're not going to look foolish raising it. The school should take it very seriously.

Cornycabernet Mon 18-Feb-13 09:34:29

That's awful altkinmum. sad I also think that you should go to the Head. Any decent Head would be concerned about having such a vile, ignorant fucker in contact with his pupils. At the very least she should be moved to a different class.

DinglebertWangledack Mon 18-Feb-13 09:37:06

How could you want to involve the police, no threat of violence or anything like that, she's just been a wee bit mean to you. I know you've had a rough few years, but you need to calm down and get a little bit of a grip in the nicest way possible, and obviously this woman is no friend if she is happy to slag you off to all and sundry on her facebook page.

maddening Mon 18-Feb-13 09:38:12

I reckon you could take her to court for slander - if you want to take it further ask a solicitor.

maddening Mon 18-Feb-13 09:43:05

As in it's a civil matter but you need to prove that she wrote about you.

You could message an innocent "why did you post x about me?" And if her reply confirmed that she did then that might be considered proof.

Catchingmockingbirds Mon 18-Feb-13 09:52:33

The way she may see it is that you've embarrassed her infront of all her Facebook friends by posting that comment, however that doesn't excuse what she then posted. Try not to get upset about what others have posted in reply, they have no idea who you are or what the situation was, not a lot of people (well I like to think that it's a lot!) would be low enough to make up the things she's said so her friends that don't know you wouldn't immediately assume she's lying iyswim?

It's not a police matter, and I doubt you'd be able to involve the telecommunications or harassment acts as it's only been one post in which she didn't mention your name, I'm pretty sure she'd need to have posted 3 different posts about you first.

You could speak to the head and outline your concerns about her volunteering in your child's class as she's made such malicious comments about a parent, but the head may not be too interested and you risk bringing it all up again and causing more hassle with the ex friend. As hard as it may be, just try and let go and forget about it, she was very very nasty but she's proved herself to be someone you don't want in your life and you dont need to be friends with her anymore.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 18-Feb-13 09:56:23

I would speak to the head about it, its disgusting to accuse you of that, and correct me if im wrong, but your DH was injured too, so its neglect or any of the like, it was an accident, made worse by malicious comments.

gordyslovesheep Mon 18-Feb-13 09:57:12

Oh what a horrible thing for her to type sad BUT from what you have posted she hasn't actually accuse you of doing anything - you said it was an accident - she hasn't contradicted that - she has just insinuated it could have been preventable

I am not sure you have a legal leg to stand on - a moral one - totally but not legal

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 18-Feb-13 09:58:08

not neglect wtf is wrong with me today

ivykaty44 Mon 18-Feb-13 10:16:17

I am not sure that you not being named is a red herring, as if you are identifiable by what it written then t hat may well be libel

I would check it out with legal though

Diamondsareagirls Mon 18-Feb-13 10:26:47

Completely disagree with those saying it isn't a matter for the school to deal with. She works with your children and whether she is a volunteer or a paid member of staff has nothing to do with it. She has acted unprofessionally and the school needs to know she is doing so as it affects her interaction with your children.
The head at my school would definitely deal with this.

BalloonSlayer Mon 18-Feb-13 10:27:19

She could actually be talking about someone else she met at the hospital, not you at all, and you could be seeing it as you because of how understandably sensitive you feel about it all.

She says this person "slagged her off" - you didn't.

She says this person put her child through pain through their own stupidity - you didn't

she says this person has not done all they possibly can for their child - you HAVE

So what you see as "lies," could actually be "referring to someone else" (whilst still being incredibly unkind and foul to whoever).

Your other mutual friend didn't think this was about you but about a parent of another child on the ward. She knew you, your DH and your DS and what happened, and you still didn't leap to mind as the person being talked about. There is a chance that she is right. Tread very carefully.

ivykaty44 Mon 18-Feb-13 10:32:25

This volunteer is though writing about a child and stupid parents on Facebook

Which is not a great thing to do when you volunteer to work with children

Not good to refer to stupid parents

Any school would surely be concerned about one of their volunteers having this type of attitude to a child that had been injured and her calling the parents stupid

Regardless of who those parents are

foxache Mon 18-Feb-13 10:36:38

I'm saddened to see this thread here after reading your one late last night - it sounds like you've had a truly awful night. I'm really sorry to hear all this is happening to you.

If I were you I'd also want some comeback on the comments she's made, I understand why you would feel that way.

However, as BalloonSlayer and others have said, please tread carefully. It may not have been about you and it is also a woman worried with a sick child (however she's dealing with it) who is not thinking clearly. If you must talk to the school, can you organise some kind of supervised meeting with her to get to the bottom of it?

I hope you are ok and get a quick resolution to this.

SolomanDaisy Mon 18-Feb-13 10:41:12

I think it's entirely understandable that any discussion of your DS's accident is very upsetting and what she said was horrible and unforgivable. But, from her point of view, you made an insensitive comment first, at a time when she is under pressure with an ill child. Her over the top, nasty response to that is not the business of the police nor the school where she is a volunteer. Nor is it likely to be libel to accuse you of carelessness.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do when someone is unpleasant to you, other than realise that they are not a good friend or a nice person. Your real friends don't think like this.

BalloonSlayer Mon 18-Feb-13 10:51:16

sorry altinkum I have just re-read your OP and noticed that you have said people have spoken to her and she is referring to you. Sorry - please ignore what I said.

Our local authority has issued guidelines to school about parents slagging off schools/teachers/staff on facebook and our DC's head has had to make comments a couple of times in the newsletter warning about it (why people are witless enough to do this when they have staff members as "friends" is beyond me). I would expect most LAs would have a policy about facebook comments nowadays.

A member of staff - albeit only a volunteer - making comments like that about a child in the classes they volunteer in, and the actions of that child's parents, would surely be acting in a way unacceptable to the head teacher, and the LA's policy. I would go and see the head.

Lottikins Mon 18-Feb-13 11:07:07

OT but whilst I can understand the LEA not wanting parents slagging off a school, they have no authority to ban it!

EuroShagmore Mon 18-Feb-13 11:22:12

Police? No

School? Yes.

Lottikins Mon 18-Feb-13 11:36:26

Can I just ask what sacking a volunteer will achieve? It will harm everyone apart from the one giving up her time for nothing?

zipzap Mon 18-Feb-13 12:30:55

If she has confirmed to others that she was talking about your family on fb, even if she didn't use names, it is worth speaking to the head. You don't have the right to ask that she doesn't work at the school but you can ask that she doesn't have direct regular contact with your child and minimise any other contact.

The ex friend is a volunteer - I'm guessing the school loves to have volunteers. The ex friend might demand that she will only volunteer if she can work in the same class as your dc for whatever reason (her kid there too, likes the teacher, age group etc). It's then up to the head what happens - I'm sure they will know what has happened to your dc and will be extra sensitive to their needs. If not, then you have to then decide what to do for the good of your dc.

And at least lots of your real friend's recognise how off she has been in her comments so they know the truth.

Habanada Mon 18-Feb-13 12:38:08

You must be shaking with rage (I would be). I see a lot of this going on on Facebook, the passive-aggressive accusations.

She's embarrassed about you publically disagreeing with her so she's attempting to smear you to save face. She's made herself look like an idiot and she will realise that already given the amount of backlash she's already had about it. You should get some satisfaction from that.

I'd be desperate to send the PM suggested by Tortoise, but would it give her more satisfaction to know you've seen her message? Will you end up in a war of words with her that's just going to leave you even more upset? She will probably do what a lot of people would do and deny it's about you, make something else up, and you'll both always know it actually was meant towards you but said in the heat of the moment and un-take-backable.

Please don't let this awful woman sap your energy [unmumsnet hugs]

Oh and I agree with Police No, School Yes.

Pigsmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 12:38:23

If you are not named the FB won't do anything and the police will consider it a waste of their time. Just ignore it

AViewfromtheFridge Mon 18-Feb-13 12:40:59

In terms of legality, there's nothing you could do in a criminal court I don't think, but surely there could be a civil element to it - slander or libel or whichever the internet is deemed to be?

Pigsmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 12:50:42

Defo go to the school though

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