Can I go to the police with this? Facebook related.

(99 Posts)
Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 03:38:49

Ok, try and keep this brief.

Ds had a horrific accident in mid 2010. In which both dh and ds were both set on fire. It was a freak accident, no one was to blame, and childrens services, nor the police were involved. In fact their wasn't even an investigation.

Now I have a person in which I thought was a friend, she came and seen ds at the hospital, brought him gifts and wotnot when he came out, has been to my childrens parties with her children and I hold a hallowe'en party every year and she attends with her children. Etc...

We had a minor disagreement after she was continually slating the hospital in which my son attends/attended. As she was constantly calling them idiots, morons, uneducated etc... (Her child was admitted) I said that *is hardly call them idiots, considering they saved ds life*. (She's in the same ward as ds was for 4 months).

She took a massive offence by the comment above and deleted me from her account.

A friend in common (who did not know her post was about me) liked a comment she made beleiving it to be in reference to a child in the ward she was in (friend didn't know about the disagreement) so hence why I seem the following post.

really wonders how a parent who has put their own child through so much pain through their own stupidity, can have the bare faced check to slag me off, I suppose guilt is a strong emotion, and presents itself in various ways, attacking others in being one iof those ways. My conscious is clear in ive done all I can possibly do for my child, unlike others here

Now I have not al all slagged her off, nor have I attacked her in anyway shape or form, they only thing I have said was my above comment.

It is clear from people in common who have text or called me, to say they are disgusted by her comments, and they have spoken to her and have said the post was vile, inaccurate and below the pale due to a minor disagreement and even at that, was really just a different opinion.

Its also clear going by the following comments, that is it clearly about us.

I'm beyond angry, in that she has blamed us for hurting our child, and that she has done it so publicly.

To make matters worse I have too see her everyday as she teaches in my childrens classes as a volunteer teachers assistant. I do not want this person anywhere near my children!!

I really want to go to the police about this, but don't know if I can, or if this is a matter they can deal with.

I also want to go into DC school and ask that she does not go anywhere near them.

AIBU, or am I just completely mad?

I honesty can't express how hurt, disgusted, and angry that this has been said about us and so publicaly also.

BlueyDragon Mon 18-Feb-13 06:56:04

What Fellatio said. It's not a police matter IMO though.

Sorry you're having such a tough time, Altinkum, you don't need this on top of everything else.

FellatioNels0n Mon 18-Feb-13 06:59:11

Shall we all just go and duff her up for you? grin Honestly, she sounds totally vile, and I'd be really disappointed if I thought someone so small minded, judgemental and downright nasty was working with my small child every day.

HollyBerryBush Mon 18-Feb-13 07:00:30

Has she used information she may have gained from working in the school?

That is professional misconduct, however, think on before you do anything - you could end up unleashing a vendetta. I don't think you can actually 'sack' a volunteer.

You need to look at that post very carefully and see whether it can be applied to 10 other people - even a current press story - or whether it can be taken as soley personal. Because if you aren't named, nor the specific circumstances mentioned, you'll be on a one way road to nowhere making complaints that cannot be upheld

lougle Mon 18-Feb-13 07:30:48

You can't sack a volunteer, but you can dispose of their services.

harryhausen Mon 18-Feb-13 07:46:43

What a complete bitchshock

I totally understand how you feel OP. I think I would be beyond mad/hurt too.

I've just briefly looked up Deformation of character,libel and slander on Google and got some 'wooly' answers so its fairly complicated - BUT I would send her a pm too. I would briefly inform her that you're looking into legal matters. Mention the possible laws she's broken. (There's probably not much you can do but hopefully it will scare the utter shit out of her!)

If possible, I would also have a casual chat with the Head.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 18-Feb-13 07:51:10

What a horrible, upsetting situation on top of everything you are coping with. I can understand this woman having a whinge about the hospital if her experience has been bad but to respond with such vitriol at your comment is crazy and extremely unpleasant.

I don't think the police can do anything but I would go and speak to the head teacher. I agree with collaborate, print it off first. Hopefully s/he will understand your concerns, I certainly would.

HollyBerryBush Mon 18-Feb-13 07:55:06

Libel, slander etc are civil offences - no one can afford a civil case unless they are millionaires.

What you can use is The Telecommunications Act 1984 and the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 for both harassment and cyberbullying.

Carolra Mon 18-Feb-13 07:56:27

I'm with Collaborate - its not a matter for the police but the school can definitely be informed, even volunteers generally have to sign up to a code of conduct and there are plenty of cases where people have been dismissed for saying stupid things on social media sites and bringing the organisation into disrepute. The school probably has a bullying policy that includes comments on social media sites and just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't be bullied. I am so cross on your behalf!

McNewPants2013 Mon 18-Feb-13 08:04:41

I wouldn't want this bitch around my child.

What a nasty thing to put on Facebook.

Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 08:20:40

Sorry I'm late replying I fell asleep at around 7ish but ds2 has other plans for me today, I'm at work at 10 and ive got to drop oldest of at footie camp and youngest off at the childminders. I look like death.

Woke up being sick, I'm now getting angry at myself, but I keep getting images of the day, and back to the whole, we should have done this...we could have done it that way, etc....

The day after it happened someone from childrens services came and seen us, and me and dh just sobbed, as we had to explain what had happened, she then had to leave the room and compose herself and come back in, she said she didn't need to see us again butbifnit ok with her she would like to come and visit to make sure me and dh were getting the treatment we needed, she made the counselling appointments for me and ds, and ds to his first session etc...

It was our first BBQ, we followed the ASDA safe tips, we have a split level garden, we put the BBQ at the back of it and the children at the very bottom etc...

I will be going to see the head.
A, because I don't want this women near my children.
B, I think I need to say to the school this is what she said, and I didn't want anyone thinking this of us, expecially as she is in the class with them.

I wish it was all a vile dream tbh.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 18-Feb-13 08:23:12

I think the school would do something.

She could be perceived by other parents to be in a position of knowledge/insight into the children she works with. She's made a comment on fb obviously slagging the parents of one of the children off even though she didn't name them. Other parents might think she has extra knowledge about the situation due to her job and then give extra weight to the comments. I would print the comments off and go and see the head.

It's not a police matter.

She's a total bitch.

MarkGruffalohohoho Mon 18-Feb-13 08:27:01

As people on the other thread suggested - whilst your comment on her page defending doctors was not a personal attack she obviously took it to heart being under some stress herself.

That does not excuse what she wrote is clearly unforgivable but the fact that she did not name you means legally it may well not be libel but anyone reading it will judge her on it not you.

You have reported to fb - good for you but it is not a police matter nor a school matter as long as she does her job without any negative impact on your son - should that be the case then it becomes a grievance (to that end I really would not discuss her with your son and see if anything changes in the classroom).

The only unreasonable thing is using the word cretin to describe her when you were taking offence at her use of the word moron. Both terms are bloody awful.

fromparistoberlin Mon 18-Feb-13 08:31:33

what a nasty and ignorant person

and how upsetting that she is a teaching assistant

However, as upset as you are this is NOT a case for the police. pls dont involve them as it will make matters worse

so you have deactivated facebook? GOOD

I think you must allow a few days for your upset to calm down

right now you are rightfully fuming, but I assure you this upset and anger will pass. I know you wont forgive her, but the initial reaction will fade

then when calm, you need to think about how to adress in a dignified manner

anyone who uses facebook this way is a pig ingnorant cunt twat so you are WELL RID

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 08:31:43

School would do nothing. You're embarrassing yourself by dragging fun quarrels into her work.

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 08:35:15

Your. Not fun obv

I've heard these reported. There's a degree of eye rolling involved. Plus what if she's asked her side of the story. Do you really want a head to waste their time arbitrating between adults ?

Lottikins Mon 18-Feb-13 08:43:26

No please don't say anything to the school, you are very upset at the moment, but with the clarity of hindsight you will see that what Belindacarlisle is saying is right.
From her point of view she is very dissatisfied that the hospital have not done everything they should have for her poorly child, which is obvioly massively upsetting for her.Then your comment ( in her eyes) implied that it didn't matter about her DS treatment, because your DS's was good..It was no excuse to post what she did , but she was very hurt and upset.

HolidayArmadillo Mon 18-Feb-13 08:45:46

Nah bollocks I'd totally be reporting her to the head. If I wrote something about a patient - even if I knew them out of a work setting - I'd be getting an absolute arse kicking at work. Stupid people should not be allowed Facebook as they clearly have no idea how inappropriate use and personal attacks can impact on the professional life.

Lottikins Mon 18-Feb-13 08:54:54

They will not get rid of a volunteer for a 2 sided spat between her and another parent over a personal matter.Think of the other side how much she is enriching the eductional experience of all the children in the class.

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 08:55:28

you are presuming the school will give a fuck

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 08:55:58

plus youll both look a pair of idiots

ll31 Mon 18-Feb-13 09:02:24

i dont know why you're going to school tbh, not sure they can do anything. also, say she says well look op is calling me names here-on this thread... which you did.

her comment was deeply unpleasant but doesnt even mention you by name-i thibk you've no way to 'punish' her.

tho i worry about kids using fb etc when this tyoe of nastiness appears so common with adults

likesnowflakesinanocean Mon 18-Feb-13 09:07:42

not a police matter but rest assured shes made herself look a total and utter twat. hold your head up and keep looking after your family. wish your ds and dh all the best. people like her aren't worth your headspace

thegreylady Mon 18-Feb-13 09:08:37

I think that the people saying the school wouldn't care must be unaware of your story. I remember it well. I would have a chat to the Head and ask if it would be possible for this wicked (yes wicked to cause such distress) be moved to a different class. You must take a screenshot with you though. Your say so may not be enough. Good luck. I hope your ds continues to do well x

CatsRule Mon 18-Feb-13 09:12:40

I would be inclined to speak to the head at the school. Whether or not anything can be done to prevent her being in contact with your children I don't know but they do need to know she is behaving inappropriately even if it is outside work. I'd explain that because of the vicious comment you are concerned for your children, you don't want them treated differently at school.

I'm sorry for all that's happened to you and your family, it must have been horrendous for you and people like her clearly have no understanding of the heartache. Not all accidents are due to perental neglect. She is not a friend and clearly very ignorant!

Lottikins Mon 18-Feb-13 09:13:30

she will say the post could be about anyone , and how could it be about you as you are not even FB friends?

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