Can I go to the police with this? Facebook related.

(99 Posts)
Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 03:38:49

Ok, try and keep this brief.

Ds had a horrific accident in mid 2010. In which both dh and ds were both set on fire. It was a freak accident, no one was to blame, and childrens services, nor the police were involved. In fact their wasn't even an investigation.

Now I have a person in which I thought was a friend, she came and seen ds at the hospital, brought him gifts and wotnot when he came out, has been to my childrens parties with her children and I hold a hallowe'en party every year and she attends with her children. Etc...

We had a minor disagreement after she was continually slating the hospital in which my son attends/attended. As she was constantly calling them idiots, morons, uneducated etc... (Her child was admitted) I said that *is hardly call them idiots, considering they saved ds life*. (She's in the same ward as ds was for 4 months).

She took a massive offence by the comment above and deleted me from her account.

A friend in common (who did not know her post was about me) liked a comment she made beleiving it to be in reference to a child in the ward she was in (friend didn't know about the disagreement) so hence why I seem the following post.

really wonders how a parent who has put their own child through so much pain through their own stupidity, can have the bare faced check to slag me off, I suppose guilt is a strong emotion, and presents itself in various ways, attacking others in being one iof those ways. My conscious is clear in ive done all I can possibly do for my child, unlike others here

Now I have not al all slagged her off, nor have I attacked her in anyway shape or form, they only thing I have said was my above comment.

It is clear from people in common who have text or called me, to say they are disgusted by her comments, and they have spoken to her and have said the post was vile, inaccurate and below the pale due to a minor disagreement and even at that, was really just a different opinion.

Its also clear going by the following comments, that is it clearly about us.

I'm beyond angry, in that she has blamed us for hurting our child, and that she has done it so publicly.

To make matters worse I have too see her everyday as she teaches in my childrens classes as a volunteer teachers assistant. I do not want this person anywhere near my children!!

I really want to go to the police about this, but don't know if I can, or if this is a matter they can deal with.

I also want to go into DC school and ask that she does not go anywhere near them.

AIBU, or am I just completely mad?

I honesty can't express how hurt, disgusted, and angry that this has been said about us and so publicaly also.

BadLad Mon 18-Feb-13 03:45:54

Not a matter for the police, as far as I can see. Unless I missed something, all she has done is posted something rather unpleasant.

What crime are you thinking she has committed?

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 03:47:23

Police?!

Selba Mon 18-Feb-13 03:47:23

How incredibly hurtful of her.
No, it's not a matter for the police.
She has done a good job of publicly making herself look like a complete arse.

Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 03:51:43

I honestly don't know.

I just hate the fact she has accused of us seriaoullynharming our child, blaming us for all his pain, and so publicaly also, people have actually said were scum, low life's, who does that to their own flesh and blood, is many of the comments that has been made.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 18-Feb-13 03:52:28

Darlin', you're rightfully very angry. That accident was utterly horrific, and had a devastated effect on your family, and to read a comment that tells you that she has always sort of thought that you/your husband was to blame must hurt incredibly.

But no, it's not a crime - there's no threat to you. At the very most it might be defamation, which is a civil offence, but I don't think you'd get very far.

The woman may well be an utter cow. But you can't ask for her to be removed from teaching duties because she's said something vile about you. If you want to send her a message saying "I honestly can't express how hurt, disguseted and angry hat this has been said about us and so publicly also - I consider this utterly unforgivable and I never, ever want to speak to you again" that's reasonable. But the rest of it...sorry. I know she's a cow. But YABU.

BelindaCarlisle Mon 18-Feb-13 03:52:37

Turn off the Facebook.

BadLad Mon 18-Feb-13 03:58:58

Just be thankful she has outed herself as a piece of turd and you now know better than to waste a single breath on her ever again.

If a mutual friend didn't recognise that it was about you, then you presumably weren't named in the message, so I think you are unlikely to get very far making a complaint.

anonymosity Mon 18-Feb-13 04:03:59

I agree, turn off the facebook. If she unfriended you perhaps you can block her "feed" or something. Facebook is the devil, really, for friendships and misunderstandings.

Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 04:09:54

Sorry I should have said I deactivated my account soon after I seen the message.

Can't believe people can be vile of this nature and I can't do anything about.

I serisouly feel unhinged about the whole thing.

I honestly don't know how I will cope seeing her.

Buzzardbird Mon 18-Feb-13 04:10:04

You can report the post on fb and there is a box to tick to say it is a personal attack on you. There is also a box to ask her to remove the offensive post.

Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 04:11:05

I've reported it to Facebook,

Buzzardbird Mon 18-Feb-13 04:11:54

Ah sorry, cross posted there. Good for you.

ripsishere Mon 18-Feb-13 04:13:04

I don't know your backstory, it sounds horrific.
I agree with the idea of turning off the FB though. It causes so many disagreements and hurt feelings. I don't have it. DD does.
Badbird has 100% sensible advice.

ripsishere Mon 18-Feb-13 04:13:23

sorry buzzard bird.

BadLad Mon 18-Feb-13 04:15:26

Badbird

Buzzardbird, do you and I have a kid that I don't know about?

Altinkum Mon 18-Feb-13 04:19:48

Tortoise that wait has been, me and dh are starting couple therapy next week, as the strain it has put upon our marriage has been difficult (amoungst other relationship/parenting disagreements).

Thankyou everyone, still angry, but I need to calm down about it.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 18-Feb-13 04:25:31

Yes, I remember you saying that it's put huge strain on the marriage, I felt so awful for you when I read that.

I hope FB removes it. And again, I'm so sorry for you.

Kytti Mon 18-Feb-13 04:31:19

The woman is clearly a complete cow, but I don't think it's illegal.

At school however, you could try talking to the head about the problems your family personally have, and ask if either she helps in another class or that your child has no contact with her. I'd not think that was an outrageous request, considering her public attack and clearly disgraceful belief.

(You know she doesn't believe that btw, she's just being a bitch to try to hurt you.)

Big hugs. xxx

FellatioNels0n Mon 18-Feb-13 04:43:54

I remember that accident happening to your DH and DS, Altinkum. I don't think it is a matter for the police quite honestly, what a vile, spiteful, wicked cowbag she sounds and you are better off for having her out of your life.

Right. Firstly, you probably should not have said what you said on her fb page about the hospital. You disagree on how good/bad it is. You've based it on your experiences, and she on hers. People rant about stuff that annoys them every day on fb and if I typed my thoughts every time I disagreed with one of my friends I'd have no friends left. Besides, that's what Mumsnet is for. winkgrin

She hasn't named or accused you directly so there is little you can do. However, I might consider going to the Head at school and explaining (calmly and as briefly as possible) what has happened.

I don't think the school can necessarily have an opinion on what she does/says in her personal life, and they certainly cannot get involved in every silly spat between parents. However, I do think they should be aware that she is making these veiled accusations, because who is to say that she won't start trying to drip-feed bits of damaging and inaccurate information about what happened to your DS to the teachers? If she is capable of saying what she said to you on fb then she is capable of spiteful manipulative gossip in school, and at the school gate as well. You can't expect them to actually do anything, but as a self-preservation measure it would not hurt to make them aware. And to just ask the class teacher to keep an eye on her interaction with your child to make sure she is not acting unprofessionally with him to get back at you.

And I would send her a short, dignified PRIVATE MESSAGE back, saying you have been hurt beyond belief by what she has said, and that is perhaps for the best that your friendship is over, as you clearly have very different ideas about how to handle minor disagreements.

Buzzardbird Mon 18-Feb-13 05:36:23

badlad sssshh! Was trying to keep babybird outa this.

I would actually not want the idiot around my child at school either but that is your call really. I would drop into conversation a little hint of a law suit for defamation of character just to make her shut the hell up with her stupid accusations.

FellatioNels0n Mon 18-Feb-13 05:39:59

But unless she has named her specifically there really is nothing Altinkum can do.

Buzzardbird Mon 18-Feb-13 05:44:40

She may not necessarily know that though wink

Yamyoid Mon 18-Feb-13 05:49:24

So sorry to hear what you've been through.
If she's a volunteer teaching assistant maybe they could move her to another class?

Collaborate Mon 18-Feb-13 06:47:39

I disagree with those who suggest the school can do nothing. It is gross misconduct. Print the comment off and take it to the head, demanding action.

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