To expect the same amount of free time at the weekend as DH?

(57 Posts)
clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 19:29:48

I am so cheesed off that catching up with the housework seems to take up most of my weekend daylight hours, and yet DH has at least 6 hours each day for leisure. Evenings are different - my butt hits the sofa and that's that!

I'm not saying he does nothing because he does help out on Sunday morning but I will continue all the while he's out.

I really wish I could develop a strategy for keeping on top of things during the week and having hardly anything to do at the weekend, but again it's me doing it all. I work just beyond school hours, and when I get in of an evening I finally sit at around 6:30.

I'm sure there are others worse of, but I'm only referring to what I feel is the injustice within my own four walls.

HorizonFocus Mon 18-Feb-13 09:26:13

Good work ledkr Hope it gets him to open his eyes.

And yes, exactly, to whoever said that if he lived alone he's have to do some housework, job or not. XH and I used to both get home from work at 8pm, and leave before 8am the next morning. No children at that point, but we still had to get the laundry / washing up / shopping done.

ledkr Mon 18-Feb-13 08:04:58

We had a hilarious conversation at the weekend about how dh "just isn't as bothered by housework as you"
I told him that is because he doesn't need to cos I do.
I am currently enjoying a leisurely breakfast with the dc before work and school. It's lovely when you feel so relaxed about housework grin
His parents are coming today. There is nothing to eat or drink no clean bed and a dirty bathroom.
Gosh I feel relaxed grin <stretches>

bbface Mon 18-Feb-13 07:46:33

And for those who say forget about the mess, as someone who likes a clean and tidy house, I appreciate that that solution is simply not going to work.

If you like things cleans and tidy, you can not relax if your house is a bit of a sh@thole.

bbface Mon 18-Feb-13 07:45:14

Many men have lower housework standards that women. Fact!

So it seems a bit controlling to demand that they eat into their free time to spend hours cleaning to bring the house to a standard that suits you.

You need to meet half way. You need to lower YoUr standards, and he needs to up HIS standards.

havingamadmoment Mon 18-Feb-13 07:42:53

If you want spare time just stop doing things...
Regardless of what your dh is soon just push the pile of crap off the couch ( or is that just my house?) sit down and put the tv on.
If the kids are fed and not too dirty then you can relax for a couple of hours without anyone dying surely.

forevergreek Mon 18-Feb-13 07:38:19

Can't he shop online during lunch break? Surely everyone can manage to click bread/ bananas etc whilst munching a sandwich!

Sorry but he just sounds darn lazy. We both work full time, both long hours, Both manage to get food on the table, play with kids etc etc. even our 3 year old can load the dishwasher and 18month old lays the table!

McNewPants2013 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:19:20

I don't get the job excuss, if they wasn't in a relationship what the hell would they do.

EldritchCleavage Sun 17-Feb-13 23:10:04

I often suggest this on these threads: do chores together. You chat while you work, ask each other how you want stuff done etc. and have wine too. DH and I do this a lot, and it is generally better for good relations than one person lounging while the other grafts.

And while I work outside the home and DH is the full-time home parent, I do some chores evening and weekends (despite frequently working long hours). It can be done, if people want to do it. And no, it's not remotely nice. But it is better to be sharing equally than suffering repressed resentments.

I never understand parents who won't pull their weight because of demanding jobs: looking after children is also bloody demanding, and why wouldn't you help your spouse so they don't have to do childcare feeling exhausted, lonely and undermined?

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:36:49

Pendipidy I was asked what he does for leisure at the weekend and that's what I didn't want to reveal but it's nothing much it'll just open another can of worms. He does pop to the corner shop after work if necessary.

I'm loving imagining that we're royalty though!

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 22:35:06

Having got up at 6.30am to get the children ready before going to work, if someone suggested I just 'pop' to the shops at 7/8pm I'd tell them to do one! Some jobs are long and tiring and you do either need to outsource the cleaning, or get the person who works shorter hours to do more (and I do include childcare in this, so if you are doing childcare til 8 at night, that counts and you can't just pick up the slack) or lower your standards. I think spending an entire two days on housework on weekends is a bit sad really, perhaps that's just me but I'd rather have a messy house and chill out a bit.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:30:36

What's a LARPer?

Actually, you've just made me aware that I am following in my mother's footsteps. She was a martyr, dad was a lazy so and so (or so I was led to believe). She's always saying "don't do everything yourself" but I thought she was just talking about the big/heavy/decorating stuff. I am going to work hard on this.

Pendipidy Sun 17-Feb-13 22:30:35

So, now i want to know what he does! What job can't you stop on the way home and pop in a shop ? I can't think of anyone but the prime minister, already covered, and high up royalty who presumably have cleaners...even famous people do shopping you know, so what on earth could it be?! Even if he works from home or gets the train home he could pop out and get shopping!

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:27:05

Oh snazzy I am ROFL at the thought of DH aka Vin Diesel!

Your last sentence is spot on, and TBH that's why he doesn't cook anymore!

I think he's a LARPer and goes around dressed as a goblin.

As everybody has said, your household needs a change in mindset. Chores are everyone's responsibility, not just yours because you're a female.

Snazzynewyear Sun 17-Feb-13 21:57:28

I think he's Vin Diesel's character in Fast & Furious. Hard to stop at Tesco Express with the law on your tail in your hot rod.

Seriously, OP, get him involved and bite your tongue a bit if when he does it wrong. He can't learn if he doesn't even try.

HorizonFocus Sun 17-Feb-13 21:48:08

Also, if you have a son, and don't want your future DIL to hate you, start modelling a better balance. Applies equally if you don't want your DD to be a housework doormat.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 21:46:26

I'm enjoying the last threads, especially the empathy! Ladywidmerpool that made me LOL! If I was Mrs Cameron there would be a team of cleaners running round my house.

McNewPants2013 Sun 17-Feb-13 21:41:31

I know i am a control freak regarding cleaning, so DH does the jobs that are impossible to 'fail'

so he does the dishwasher, the oven and the bins. I do everything else.

LadyWidmerpool Sun 17-Feb-13 21:37:04

I am trying to think why your husband can't get shopping on the way home. Is he David Cameron? I suppose you wouldn't say if he was.

rodandtheemu Sun 17-Feb-13 21:33:51

clary im exactly the same! lol. If Dp tidys i have to go and 'finish off and do it properly. Some good points tho on here.

I get in about 7ish , him 8-9ish.so we are both too tired to be fussing about cleaning abt that time For me the rota would be out the window after 1 day so i think im going to get a cleaner and he can pay!

horizon i am a house work martyr lol im ashamed! Plan of action is being put in place!

clary let me know how you get on!

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 21:29:08

Thank you Zavi, spot on!

Zavi Sun 17-Feb-13 21:12:12

Just bear in mind clarycat that, right now, the status quo in your household is that the housework is your responsibility and your DH helps out.

There are cleaners who will do pets. They charge a bit more though.

Getting a cleaner in will not change the household chore "status quo" that exists in your house though.

I think that, as a minimum, you need to spell out to your DH that since you are both responsible for household chores, and he is reneaging on his, then he needs to pay for the cleaner so that he can delegate his share of the household chores to them.

If you don't do this now, by default, responsibility for the household chores will continue to be 100% yours.

Please, please do not complain in the future though about how little your DH does around the house unless to take steps to address this situation, which is of your own creation, now!

MrsKeithRichards Sun 17-Feb-13 21:05:22

A load a day, a little cleaning a day. That's it.

bakingaddict Sun 17-Feb-13 21:00:23

Err no I did get that....and I was prepared to have some sympathy till the OP went on to explain that her DH wouldn't do it properly anyway AND that is what formed the basis for my response

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 20:52:05

Sorry snazzy I don't want to say specifically what he does, but no, he isn't able to do shopping on the way home.

But actually, what you've said re. shopping and what others have said has made me realise that I am probably a control freak who has unachievable standards and I don't trust DH to do anything properly!

Are there cleaners that will come with pets in situ?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now