To expect the same amount of free time at the weekend as DH?

(57 Posts)
clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 19:29:48

I am so cheesed off that catching up with the housework seems to take up most of my weekend daylight hours, and yet DH has at least 6 hours each day for leisure. Evenings are different - my butt hits the sofa and that's that!

I'm not saying he does nothing because he does help out on Sunday morning but I will continue all the while he's out.

I really wish I could develop a strategy for keeping on top of things during the week and having hardly anything to do at the weekend, but again it's me doing it all. I work just beyond school hours, and when I get in of an evening I finally sit at around 6:30.

I'm sure there are others worse of, but I'm only referring to what I feel is the injustice within my own four walls.

SamSmalaidh Sun 17-Feb-13 20:28:54

What hours does he work, and what hours do you work? And who does childcare outside those hours?

Flisspaps Sun 17-Feb-13 20:33:37

So what if his job is more stressful or longer?

He still creates laundry.
He still needs feeding.
He still dirties cutlery and crockery.
He still helps to fill the bins.

He should be doing his share.

We had this conversation in my house last week.

bakingaddict Sun 17-Feb-13 20:34:06

Then stop whinging about housework. You either cut down on the amount you do and let DH pick up the slack even if it isn't up to your standard or accept that housework is your lot in life unless you get in a cleaner.

You cant have it both ways wanting DH to share and then excusing him by saying he doesn't do it properly. I have little sympathy really

SamSmalaidh Sun 17-Feb-13 20:36:23

Agree that if you don't want either of you to do more housework in the week then you'll have to continue wasting your weekends on it.

I've barely got in from work at 6:30. I finally sit down at about 8:30.

Callthemidlife Sun 17-Feb-13 20:41:38

You want house clean, you don't want him to do it, and then you complain because you have to do it? confused

Either you get in a cleaner, you get him to do stuff like shopping and laundry while you clean, or you hire a cleaner. I do not understand at all why you think this is a complex issue.

Snazzynewyear Sun 17-Feb-13 20:41:52

erm, there was a hmm in the OP's last post that I think some people have missed...

I asked where he goes at the weekends while you are doing all this. Wherever it is, he can call in at the supermarket on his way back and get what you need. That plus one midweek online shop should do it - that could be one of his jobs. Anything that gets forgotten from the online shop it's his task to pick up while out at the weekend.

Laundry - I would stop doing his if he is doing way less than his overall household task share. If you have asked him to put more effort in to make this fair (not completely clear if you have) and he is making excuses, the best motivator is going to be that he doesn't get stuff (done) that impacts on him, so no food he wants in house if he can't be bothered to shop, and none of his clothes will be clean if he can't be bothered to do a load or two of washing himself.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 20:52:05

Sorry snazzy I don't want to say specifically what he does, but no, he isn't able to do shopping on the way home.

But actually, what you've said re. shopping and what others have said has made me realise that I am probably a control freak who has unachievable standards and I don't trust DH to do anything properly!

Are there cleaners that will come with pets in situ?

bakingaddict Sun 17-Feb-13 21:00:23

Err no I did get that....and I was prepared to have some sympathy till the OP went on to explain that her DH wouldn't do it properly anyway AND that is what formed the basis for my response

MrsKeithRichards Sun 17-Feb-13 21:05:22

A load a day, a little cleaning a day. That's it.

Zavi Sun 17-Feb-13 21:12:12

Just bear in mind clarycat that, right now, the status quo in your household is that the housework is your responsibility and your DH helps out.

There are cleaners who will do pets. They charge a bit more though.

Getting a cleaner in will not change the household chore "status quo" that exists in your house though.

I think that, as a minimum, you need to spell out to your DH that since you are both responsible for household chores, and he is reneaging on his, then he needs to pay for the cleaner so that he can delegate his share of the household chores to them.

If you don't do this now, by default, responsibility for the household chores will continue to be 100% yours.

Please, please do not complain in the future though about how little your DH does around the house unless to take steps to address this situation, which is of your own creation, now!

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 21:29:08

Thank you Zavi, spot on!

rodandtheemu Sun 17-Feb-13 21:33:51

clary im exactly the same! lol. If Dp tidys i have to go and 'finish off and do it properly. Some good points tho on here.

I get in about 7ish , him 8-9ish.so we are both too tired to be fussing about cleaning abt that time For me the rota would be out the window after 1 day so i think im going to get a cleaner and he can pay!

horizon i am a house work martyr lol im ashamed! Plan of action is being put in place!

clary let me know how you get on!

LadyWidmerpool Sun 17-Feb-13 21:37:04

I am trying to think why your husband can't get shopping on the way home. Is he David Cameron? I suppose you wouldn't say if he was.

McNewPants2013 Sun 17-Feb-13 21:41:31

I know i am a control freak regarding cleaning, so DH does the jobs that are impossible to 'fail'

so he does the dishwasher, the oven and the bins. I do everything else.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 21:46:26

I'm enjoying the last threads, especially the empathy! Ladywidmerpool that made me LOL! If I was Mrs Cameron there would be a team of cleaners running round my house.

HorizonFocus Sun 17-Feb-13 21:48:08

Also, if you have a son, and don't want your future DIL to hate you, start modelling a better balance. Applies equally if you don't want your DD to be a housework doormat.

Snazzynewyear Sun 17-Feb-13 21:57:28

I think he's Vin Diesel's character in Fast & Furious. Hard to stop at Tesco Express with the law on your tail in your hot rod.

Seriously, OP, get him involved and bite your tongue a bit if when he does it wrong. He can't learn if he doesn't even try.

I think he's a LARPer and goes around dressed as a goblin.

As everybody has said, your household needs a change in mindset. Chores are everyone's responsibility, not just yours because you're a female.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:27:05

Oh snazzy I am ROFL at the thought of DH aka Vin Diesel!

Your last sentence is spot on, and TBH that's why he doesn't cook anymore!

Pendipidy Sun 17-Feb-13 22:30:35

So, now i want to know what he does! What job can't you stop on the way home and pop in a shop ? I can't think of anyone but the prime minister, already covered, and high up royalty who presumably have cleaners...even famous people do shopping you know, so what on earth could it be?! Even if he works from home or gets the train home he could pop out and get shopping!

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:30:36

What's a LARPer?

Actually, you've just made me aware that I am following in my mother's footsteps. She was a martyr, dad was a lazy so and so (or so I was led to believe). She's always saying "don't do everything yourself" but I thought she was just talking about the big/heavy/decorating stuff. I am going to work hard on this.

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 22:35:06

Having got up at 6.30am to get the children ready before going to work, if someone suggested I just 'pop' to the shops at 7/8pm I'd tell them to do one! Some jobs are long and tiring and you do either need to outsource the cleaning, or get the person who works shorter hours to do more (and I do include childcare in this, so if you are doing childcare til 8 at night, that counts and you can't just pick up the slack) or lower your standards. I think spending an entire two days on housework on weekends is a bit sad really, perhaps that's just me but I'd rather have a messy house and chill out a bit.

clarycat Sun 17-Feb-13 22:36:49

Pendipidy I was asked what he does for leisure at the weekend and that's what I didn't want to reveal but it's nothing much it'll just open another can of worms. He does pop to the corner shop after work if necessary.

I'm loving imagining that we're royalty though!

EldritchCleavage Sun 17-Feb-13 23:10:04

I often suggest this on these threads: do chores together. You chat while you work, ask each other how you want stuff done etc. and have wine too. DH and I do this a lot, and it is generally better for good relations than one person lounging while the other grafts.

And while I work outside the home and DH is the full-time home parent, I do some chores evening and weekends (despite frequently working long hours). It can be done, if people want to do it. And no, it's not remotely nice. But it is better to be sharing equally than suffering repressed resentments.

I never understand parents who won't pull their weight because of demanding jobs: looking after children is also bloody demanding, and why wouldn't you help your spouse so they don't have to do childcare feeling exhausted, lonely and undermined?

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