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'If I wasn't pregnant, Killing myself would be very tempting'

(83 Posts)
Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:37:25

I have posted about this before but I have never felt this devastated and upset, I really need your help.

Fiancé left me 11 weeks ago, Leaving me with my DS and pregnant. It was completely unexpected and the baby was planned and very much wanted.

My feelings have got progressively worse and they are getting worse everyday, I am heartbroken and devastated. I can't sleep at night, I can't spend a day without breaking down crying and I can't get him out of my head.

This may seem too OTT but I can honestly say that I am a wreck and just want him back.

I have had to move in with my parents, I have no income, I lost my car because I sold mine to pay for a move whilst we were together and I am scared of what the future holds as my life has been turned upside down.

I beg you for advice, I know that I am never going to get over him and I don't want anyone else but him.

I love my DS and this baby but my heart has been shattered.

I just want him back sad Please help me.

kinkyfuckery Sat 16-Feb-13 18:39:05

You WILL get over him.

Why did he leave you?

What is it you want help with? Moving past him, or getting him back?

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 16-Feb-13 18:39:54

I have no advice, but wanted to say people are here if you want to talk.

Have you thought about calling the Samaritans?

flowers

thebody Sat 16-Feb-13 18:43:26

Of course you are devestated, why would you not be?

You need legal advice/ social housing advice and practical help which I expect your parents are helping and citizens advice is free and wonderful.
Post in legal for great advice as well.
Have you any close female friends who you can talk to?

Please keep posting we are all here to listen.

frustratedworkingmum Sat 16-Feb-13 18:44:10

oh cunning, you'll be OK - he must be a prize cunt to do this to you, so you wont see this now but you are better off without him. Better that he has fucked off now too rather than you wasting anymore of your time or love on him.

Focus on you and your children now - get the support that you need from your parents. Be kind to yourself, don't expect to "get over" this right away, you have been shit on from a great height and of course it must be very painful, add pregnancy hormones into the mix and of course you are going to feel terrible.

but IT WILL GET BETTER. I was dumped when I was pregnant with DD1 - thank bloody fuck for that - never had to deal with the "sperm doner" and met a lovely man when DD1 was 18m, he is sat opposite me on the sofa with DD2 and DD1 is 22!!

Don't be afraid to reach out for help

Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:44:27

He doesn't love me anymore sad

I don't really know what I need help with, I don't want my life to be living at my parents with no money and two children.

I don't want my life without him.

I have called the Samaritans but I didn't find that they helped at all.

Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:45:09

It was so expected sad and I mean what I say in the title.

Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:46:17

*unexpected. sad

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Feb-13 18:46:25

Well, together we're a bunch of wise old women, but I don'tsuppose any of us are that old we can't remember youthful heartbreak. It's age that gives you the tools and resolves to deal with it.

Each day will eventually get a little bit lighter and you won't be in such a dark place.

Mourn the loss of your relationship and look forward to your baby and keep strong for your childs sake.

Best advice I can give you really. Other than make your parents do the access hand overs, don't even see him.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Feb-13 18:47:40

Samaritans won;t give you the answers, they are just there to listen lovvie, you have to work it throughad find the answers yourself.

If heartbreak remedies could be bottled and sold, someone would be very rich by now.

Do you have a good network of friends round you?

cheesesarnie Sat 16-Feb-13 18:50:20

have you spoken to anyone about how you feel in rl?

if not i urge you to talk sad

thebody Sat 16-Feb-13 18:55:10

Agree holly, you need practical advise here re money and housing for you and children.

What a complete shit he sounds op, so very sorry.

hippo123 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:55:57

So sorry to hear your having a tough time. As everyone else says you will comes out stronger for all this, but I appreciate that when your at such a low it's very hard to see you will ever be happy again. be honest with yourself though, do you really want to be with a person who leaves you with a young child and preganant? Could you ever trust him / relay on him again? He's bad news, you need to realise this for your own sanity, turn that hurt into anger. Have you got people's to talk to (and who will listen) friends, family? Have you seen your gp? Perhaps it's worth being refered for counselling. have you tried thee relationships board on here?

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Feb-13 18:58:04

We can give you things to do which will take your mind off it a little.

Have you sorted maint yet? he should be paying

marjproops Sat 16-Feb-13 19:00:05

When a boyf left me completely out of the blue I thought Id never get over him, it took me 7 months and a kick up the fundamental to get me over him. I wanted to die, I attempted suicide. He found out but didnt care.He never came back, and to this day, I am so glad, looking back.

He was a complete twunt. he didnt care a fig that hed hurt me. I thought by being so pitiful that somehow hed know how i was feeling and take me back. (he said he was breaking up with me cos i was too good for him!!eh?)

I had people left right and centre at the timetelling me 'you'll get over him, you will' and i wanted to tell them all to bogoff, i wouldnt, but i did.

Unlike you though OP i didnt have kids at the time, so I can feel for you that youve been left with the kids. and understand your anxiety. Thank God you have your parents there, eh?

Dont know what else to say at this point, we are here for you, and if I knew how to transfer emoticons to this post id put a bunch of flowers. xx

Beckett3 Sat 16-Feb-13 19:09:06

We're all here to listen and believe it or not you will get through this.

My husband left us almost 4 weeks ago, we have 3 children and I also am 16 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted baby.

He told me he no longer loved me, but it very quickly turned out there was someone else, we'd been together 16 years.

I'm assuming a difference here is his behaviour since he left has been appalling, it's made any love I felt for him quickly turn into disgust and hate, which is a much easier emotion than hurt.

The people I've spoke to on here have been invaluable, I have absolutely no doubt that I wouldn't have been able to get through this nearly as well and with as much dignity without them.

Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 19:34:37

He still only wants to see DS 3 hours a week and the CSA said that he doesn't have to pay anything as he is a student.

I do want him, I honestly do. There is nothing I want more sad

My life feels like its over, I am just going to live with my parents with 2 children for the rest of my life without him and I can't take that anymore.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 16-Feb-13 19:38:13

My ex fiancee left me, the day i took an overdose, gave me and my daughter a £100, and went, 2 days later, he was with his other woman 300 miles away, didnt call to check on DD once.

Now, i can say anything i ever felt for him is gone, he left me with PND, broken, devastated and very alone.

Its been 4 years, and im slowly rebuilding myself, doing things i wanna do, and im doing good.

You'll get there, and with the DC's, it wont be so lonely.

maddening Sat 16-Feb-13 19:44:09

Can you go to the gps and ask for counselling - it's a practical thing to do.

Gradually the pieces will slot back in to place but it takes time - and to do it you need to find yourself again - a big part of you was wrapped up in that relationship -it is part of your identity and leaves a big hole - all your plans need to be remade and that is massive for anyone but especially with dc.

Can your dparents start any practical things rolling - applyinh for accommodation, benefits and child maintenance. Moving your financea to your parents address etc.

It is so daunting when you are at the centre of such emotional turmoil that maybe delegate some tasks and give yoy time to sort yourself out - it is too much on your own - getting both emotional and practical help might be a good place to start.

stubbornstains Sat 16-Feb-13 19:50:30

OP, you will not be living with your parents with your 2 children for the rest of your life.

However, it's a safe place to be right now while you deal with this grief and uncertainty- which could also be exacerbated by pregnancy hormones, making you feel ultra-vulnerable.

Are you seeing your midwife regularly where you are? Talk to her about how you're feeling- ante natal depression may be making everything seem even worse. I think there are some ADs that are safe to take during pregnancy, and that may well tide you over this difficult time.

Also, it sounds that you would be entitled to claim benefits. Go to the job centre or have a look at www.entitledto.co.uk , which will tell you.

If you move out of your parents', you would probably be entitled to claim Housing Benefit, but to be honest I would just focus on getting through the crisis right now, focusing on your DS and the baby to come, and just concentrating on getting better before making any plans for moving on.

CremeEggThief Sat 16-Feb-13 19:54:00

Re-read your OP. You don't want someone who could do this to you and your babies. You don't want someone who is capable of causing you so much pain and anguish.

This is an awful, awful thing to happen to you and it will take a long time to heal, but ultimately, you will be better off without him in your life. Lean on your parents for now, don't make any big decisions, take life one day at a time and try to find one positive thing about each day.

Little by little, you WILL get there. thanks

Cunninglinguist03 Sat 16-Feb-13 20:15:05

Thank you for the replies I really do appreciate it.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, I have lost all of the happiness within myself. I am not the person I used to be, I am just numb.

My parents have told me to 'Get over it' and that is their advice, They feel embarrassed and change the subject when I cry and try to talk about it with them.

sad I cannot stress how much pain I am in right now.

wonderingsoul Sat 16-Feb-13 20:21:12

im so sorry your going through this.

I know it really doesn't feel lineout. but you WILL get through this and you WILL be stronger for it.

I think. the first thing you need to do is get down too the cancell. see what your able to claim . weather that be a name down for a council house or housing benefit for private rent. this will be a positive step. you WILL. feel more in control of your life and keep you busy.even just a little. you won't be living with your parents for ever.

secondly be easy on your self. surround your self in nice things. even if it means just cuddling up on the sofa. watching films and just feeling and accepting emotions. plan little things to look forward to.

hang on to all the shitty things he has done. including ditching you like this.. I find some girl power music really helps with this..I suggest riding solo...which I had on repeat for a couple of months.

you WILL get through this.

MarianneM Sat 16-Feb-13 20:21:40

OP - please hear me when I say you will, without any doubt, get over this person.

It will probably be very difficult and take time but you will.

Try to focus on your child and your pregnancy, your children need you.

One day you will, honestly, wonder what you were thinking. And your lovely children will still be there.

BambieO Sat 16-Feb-13 20:23:40

All, can I just say (not patronising before I grab my fire extinguisher!) I genuinely did not know women could be so strong. I consider myself a strong woman but some of the things these twunts men have put some of you through are gobsmacking.

I read your posts and I think bloody hell. It gives me comfort to know that if something upsetting breaks my heart/home I can cope just like you all have and be better off!

Thank you for sharing, its a real eye opener.

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