To hate the school gate

(164 Posts)
littlebillie Fri 15-Feb-13 18:56:27

That's it I hate it!

Godessinthemaking Fri 15-Feb-13 19:35:05

Should have been- we've probably all been in the same situation

Maryz Fri 15-Feb-13 19:37:22

I'm also baffled by how many people seem to think that two people talking to eachother automatically means the deliberate exclusion of any other person who happens to pass by confused.

Go up and talk to people. They may know each other now, but they weren't born knowing eachother. They met, quite possibly at the school gate, and talked to each other.

And if anyone you go up and talk to turns their backs and walks away, that isn't a problem - you won't want to know them anyway. Talk to someone else.

A bit like mumsnet, in fact grin

coldcupoftea Fri 15-Feb-13 19:45:36

You know, because of MN I am now absolutely paranoid about making sure I say hello to everyone I vaguely recognise at the school gate, even if they just amble past while I am already talking to someone, even if they are mid-conversation standing the other side of the playground.

Godessinthemaking Fri 15-Feb-13 19:55:16

I agree with Maryz , but if your confidence has been shot to the ground, are you going to go up and talk to strangers?

I met mums by seeing who DD came out of school with, who she talked about at home etc. Then saw which mum belonged to each child. That way when you're waiting at the gate you can say, hi are you xxxx mum, my d is xxx and she talks about her all the time, I suppose she told you about, playtime, lunch, pe, etc

littlebillie Fri 15-Feb-13 19:56:40

Thanks for your kind support.

Crawling Fri 15-Feb-13 20:08:05

YANBU I hate it to.

Meglet Fri 15-Feb-13 20:12:31

Some schools are probably nicer than others. Ours is nice, even new parents have said it's a friendly school compared to where they've come from smile.

But there's one near here that just has an awful vibe. My particular group of mums are like a coven, smoking fags (while pregnant!) next to their 4x4's. It's like a MN sketch! So glad I don't have to deal with them.

WhateverTrevor Fri 15-Feb-13 20:13:30

Grow up people, why are people at the school gates so different to people anywhere else.
I have never seen all this gossip and politics and I have done the school run at many different schools.

Tee2072 Fri 15-Feb-13 20:14:37

I absolutely don't get these threads. I talk to people, I don't talk to people, they talk to me, they talk to someone else.

Why does it seem to be high school to some people?

Also, go later so you don't have to hang around!

Maryz Fri 15-Feb-13 20:14:45

I am supporting you, honestly I am.

The thing is, if you collect children from school you are going to do the school gate (for a number of children) for up to ten years, or even more.

You can't spend ten years of your life dreading it - you have to grit your teeth, hold your head up high and just go for it.

motherinferior Fri 15-Feb-13 20:21:22

I bloody love the school gate. I have only just started being back doing pickup - and at the moment only once a week - and it's fab to be back.

If you don't have a lot of confidence it's pretty soul destroying to get ignored by people day after day week after week. The cliquey ness is unbelievable at times and I haven't come across such rudeness anywhere else. I ended up in tears after one turned her back on me when I tried to be friendly. Thing is, these are the parents of your dc's friends so it does matter and thats why it hurts.it is pretty horrible sometimes but I have also had some nice chats with random people when I least expected it. I've got 4 dc and the youngest start school in Sept so guess I shall man up again! I think the smile at everyone approach is a good one smile

everlong Fri 15-Feb-13 20:34:42

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Go in with a smile on your face, talk to everyone not just those who you think you'll get on with, be friendly.

I've been doing ' school gate ' for 20 years at 3 very different schools and have never fallen out with anyone. Have made lots of friends. Always have had someone to chat with, go for a coffee or a glass of wine with.

I love the school gate.

SilverMoo Fri 15-Feb-13 20:44:55

I used to feel like this when DD first started school (she's now in year 3). I know realise that pretty much everyone feels like this... The ones chatting are just grabbing the opportunity to have a chat with friends who they have likely known from their DC's pre school/nursery, the ones that ignore you are just frazzled or shy!

JugglingChaotically Fri 15-Feb-13 21:15:13

FWIW I hate it too. And on DC3 so ought to have got over it by now but when DC3 went into reception I hit the snake at square 99 on the snakes and ladder board and went back to square 1!!!
So like others, I try and spot mothers of people DC3 mentions and to arrange lots and lots of play dates for DC (me?!). Then more to talk about and more to talk too.
At DC3 school if you aren't in the chat at the gate then the risk is DC gets excluded too! So Chin Up and onwards. It gets better. I know it will be fine soon - it will for you too.
And for DCs, we must lead by example.
Oh -so easy in theory!

jinsymaw Fri 15-Feb-13 21:23:57

littlebillie. please don't worry about what anyone else is doing or saying! You have to think about your family. I 'v spent the last 10 years worrying about things like I must keep in for DDs but in reality, they decide themselves who they want to be with! Please don't worry, it gets easier! J

WhatsTheBuzz Fri 15-Feb-13 21:36:57

I'm completely unsociable at 8.45 in the morning so never a problem for me.

scottishmummy Fri 15-Feb-13 21:41:26

don't sweat schoolgate politics.leave that do the wags and gossips.they love it
they'll all fall in,out and gossip about each other anyways
trot in,trot out.ignore

scottishmummy Fri 15-Feb-13 21:48:39

some folk do love the schoolgate it's the zenith of their day,that and pta
schoolgate is vaguely comedic,best not given any brevity
same characters all gates.wags,gym bunnies,gossips,shy stare at ground folk

meltedcreditcard Fri 15-Feb-13 21:54:36

littlebillie, is your child sociable? I tend to chat to the parents of who they are friends with. I got to know them through birthday parties so guess it depends on how old your DC is.

Always made sure I have a birthday gathering for my DCs in their younger years as it was a way to get to know other parents.

I do not get on with some parents so avoid (my child fell out with their child so they made a complaint scenario) but I have made some lovely friends at schoolgate - I have 4 children btw so do feel a bit of a veteran on school gates!

FitzgeraldProtagonist Fri 15-Feb-13 21:54:59

Love school, not zenith of day tho, say hi to all, quick catch up with those closest, walk back to village with others, drop in on friend. Lovely!

scottishmummy Fri 15-Feb-13 21:56:21

fortunately I don't do schoolgate much,but still hear all the hoo haw

TomArchersSausage Fri 15-Feb-13 22:03:36

'Alright?'. Vague smile to left and right. Grab/drop dc. Keep moving. Out.

This has seen me through 10 yrs of problem free uncomplicated pick ups and drop offs. I must have low expectations from the whole exerciseconfused. I'm only there to deliver/collect.

scottishmummy Fri 15-Feb-13 22:06:32

ah,but others there to gossip,brag how brainy wean is,check out who's wearing what
I think the drop off/collection is secondary to the other activities
big personalities at school gate usually tend to be PTA Types too

clarycat Fri 15-Feb-13 22:19:08

So true about the PTA types, scottishmummy. As a member of staff, I just don't want to be out there listening to criticisms of the school, parents whipping each other up into a frenzy over their issues with the school, etc etc. But I know there are nice people out there, too!

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