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to think "Valentine's Day is too commercial" is a poor excuse

(53 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Fri 15-Feb-13 10:55:23

DH didn't get me a card yesterday using above as reason again. He has never bought me a card or given me anything on Valentines Day over the 20 years of our marriage on principle (he's into his principles!). The principle being love should be shown every day and that you don't need one particular day or present to show how much you love someone (the same reason was given to not buy me an engagement ring 20 years ago - I did get a wedding ring).

As usual I bought him a card and present yesterday. Does he have a point? Would you be happy with the above "principle" - or would you think: "What a tight-wad, he obviously couldn't be bothered"?

And no he doesn't buy me flowers or presents at other times of the year. I do get a birthday card and sometimes a nice meal out on my birthday and occasionally a Christmas present.

Pootles2010 Fri 15-Feb-13 10:58:22

If its his principle thats fair enouch. The key point being he doesn't ever get you anything! He sounds a bit mean tbh sad

Locketjuice Fri 15-Feb-13 10:59:31

I would be upset if my other half didn't get me a card, you can get them really cheap so price shouldn't come in to it, It doesn't bother me if we get presents or not
I think people using the excuse 'love should be shown all year round not just valentines day' that's true but its a day to highlight how much you care and make someone feel really special.. What's wrong with that? Waking up saying happy valentines day and having a kiss/cuddle.. Even better if your suprised with nice flowers and chocolates.. Really don't get people (like my parents!) who refuse to acknowledge It on the grounds its 'expensive nonsense'

valiumredhead Fri 15-Feb-13 11:00:18

I would be happy with the above principle IF he was a kind generous thoughtful man throughout the rest of the year.

calandarbear Fri 15-Feb-13 11:00:20

I agree with him DH and I don't exchange cards or gifts on Valentine's day. We do however get each other little things throughout the year just because. If your other half doesn't do this and seeing as you buy a card and gift for him I would be inclined to think he is just being tight.

twitchycurtains Fri 15-Feb-13 11:01:47

I wouldn't be happy tbh, sounds like he is using it as an excuse to not have to bother. DH is the least romantic man I've had a relationship, but I still get a bunch of flowers now and then, nice birthday presents etc.

Fillyjonk75 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:01:55

I think it's a beacon of light in quite a dull month for most people. One of the reasons DH became DH was because he was so thoughtful and good at presents. For my first birthday when we were together he got me a handbag I had seen and said I liked six months before.

Thumbwitch Fri 15-Feb-13 11:02:07

What the others say.

IF he made the effort to buy you presents and do thoughtful things for you randomly throughout the year, then Valentine's Day need not be an issue; but he's obviously just too thoughtless and uncaring to bother his arse to do anything nice for you, so it's NOT acceptable, no.

badguider Fri 15-Feb-13 11:07:34

My DH is the same so I don't buy him anything either. He does buy fantastic birthday presents and pretty good Xmas ones and cook for me every weekend so I don't mind at all. He says he lives me on other days but won't do the valentines thing as he says its fake.

aldiwhore Fri 15-Feb-13 11:08:07

He's right.

He's wrong.

You know this. His principles must anger you even though they're not wrong.

His words makes sense, his actions just prove he's a tight arse that thinks any gesture you might appreciate is 'pointless'.

Next time he starts, tell him you're not listening until he actually backs up his words with actions and shows you how much he loves you on every day that isn't a special occassion... in a way that means something to you. I reckon you're owed a lot of flowers, treats and pampering.

(We don't 'do' Valentine's Day.. DH cooked a nice meal, which he doesn't often, it was only 'more special' yesterday because of some great offers in the supermarket!)

aldiwhore Fri 15-Feb-13 11:09:12

which he DOES often grr... hyper fingers.

Undertone Fri 15-Feb-13 11:09:45

No - doesn't sound good.

Valentine's day, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries - they don't have to be expensive, but they ARE definite opportunities for little affirmative rituals to be expressed.

Why are his 'principles' more important than your feelings??

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 15-Feb-13 11:10:31

I'd understand, but you husband seems like a tight bastard.

MrsBucketxx Fri 15-Feb-13 11:10:39

we didn't get cards but I did get a lovely home cooked meal,

so spoiling us without buying into all the commercialism.

I feel that most of it is beyond tacky.

Depends on what he's like the rest of the time.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 15-Feb-13 11:12:37

If he didn't do Valentines but was thoughtful and generous at birthday and Christmas then I could see his point, but he just sounds like a miserable, selfish man who can't be arsed to put himself out for you.

It itself his principle is fine and I agree with him.

However, sounds like he could just be a tight arse not actually a man standing by his morals!!

Why do you bother with a card and pressie for him?

Tweasels Fri 15-Feb-13 11:16:29

I don't think Valentines day means anything but if it's important to you then he should get you a card.

MrsBucketxx Fri 15-Feb-13 11:19:30

is he a good husband in other ways, does he help in the house children, treat you with candle lit baths etc,

its not always the big gestures but the little ones everyday.

CrunchyFrog Fri 15-Feb-13 11:21:32

20 YEARS and you're expecting him to change his principles?

I have never done Valentines. I find it very irritating. I'm not a tightwad - when with someone, if I see something I know they'll like I often buy it for no religious or retail-approved reason. It is a principle. An ex-Christian festival co-opted by Hallmark and the like because February is a slow retail month. Load of old shit.

Why do you buy something for him? If it were me, I would be irritated by that, as it shows you are really not listening. Unless it's a PA stab - "LOOK how much I LOVE YOU, I spent a quid on a card AND bought you some chocolate." Weird.

I did have to tell my quite new OH that we don't buy presents on Valentines.
It is a load of nonsense but it is also a chance for someone who is not very loving, to show their special someone that they are indeed special.
I got him a card. He got me a card and some lovely yellow roses (my favourite colour roses) and he cooked me a meal.
Nothing special, no great expensive present, but just a little something to mark the occasion would be nice.
Agree with Crunchy, don't buy him anything in the future. Just let it go by without a tiny bit of recognition. Bet he notices!!!

diddl Fri 15-Feb-13 11:34:21

You don´t have to get sucked into it all-just a nice gesture!

I would think tight-wad tbh.

We don´t always do bday or Christmas presents.

But always a card for bdays/anniversaries, meal out if wanted.

But I do wonder why you bother tbh.

The problem is that his principles don´t affect him, do they?

OP would like something, but he doesn´t get her anything "on principle".

I would have thought that there was some compromise to be had tbh.

DialsMavis Fri 15-Feb-13 11:35:58

We don't go in for meals out and presents but do get each other cards and have treaty food at home. DP thinks its a waste of time, but he knows I enjoy it so gets into the spirit of things in same way I sit through boring geeky crap on the T.V for him smile

whois Fri 15-Feb-13 11:39:26

I can see why you are a bit annoyed, but he is hardly going to change now. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be so hard to our aside principles of buying a bloody card and some chocs to make your girlfriend/wife happy.

My DP doesn't do cut flowers at all, on principle. Or gifts for valentines day as too comercial.

He does, however, treat me well during the whole year. Not with expensive gifts but by being thoughtful and nice.

And he does now make me a valentines day card!

I still buy him something if I see something I think he would like but if I don't see anything I don't stress and try and buy him something.

I don't believe in valentines day, but I bought my OH a bottle of wine and chocolates and made a card (I don't like buying valentines cards - suppose it's my stubbon principals!).
It does sound like he's a tight wad. There are many ways he can do valentines day without buying into commercialism. A bottle of wine and a handwritten note saying how much he loves you. A nice meal/takeaway treat.

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