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To be sad and a bit worried about the lack of emotion on ds1's last day at his 'old' school? (Yr1)

(22 Posts)
lecce Thu 14-Feb-13 20:37:32

This has been playing on my mind since we moved 2 weeks ago.

I picked ds1 (5) up on his last day (dh usually does it) and he was completely happy to go - there was no sadness whatsover. He shouted goodbye to a couple of kids and we went to the park with one of the 2 dc we see outside of school hours, and that was that.

I don't know - he'd been there over a year and it just seemed a little flat - not that I was expecting floods of tears from the whole class and a banner or anything grin.

We had worried that he didn't seem to be forming any great friendships there and it was a factor in our move (though not a primary one), but he was always happy to go and never complained about a lack of friends.

I just can't help feeling a little sad/concerned about it.

But would it be better if he'd been upset? DC1 moved schools at the end of P1 and he was fine about it. He had plenty of friends at his old school (and still sees them) and made new friends at his new school. I think at that age they often just accept things without being upset.

OHforDUCKScake Thu 14-Feb-13 20:44:56

I moved when my son was nearly 4. He seemed fine also, the reality hit after we moved home, town and nursery. I realised he didnt understand the concept at all.

lougle Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:35

DD2 is also 5, also Yr 1 and moved schools 2 weeks ago (to the day) also.

I've been asking her how her 'new school' is. A few days ago she rolled her eyes and said 'Why do you keep calling it my 'new school'? It's just School!'

She is so over it already. Not a tear shed, a regret passed, nothing.

Floggingmolly Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:42

The lack of emotion from whom, your DS or the class?

HeyHeySaturday Thu 14-Feb-13 20:49:01

My dc's school has quite a lot of turnover of pupils and its totally played down in order to minimise disruption. I also think they don't want to make it too much of a big deal when the 'replacement' child comes in. Could it be that?

lecce Thu 14-Feb-13 20:49:17

Glad he's not the only one. Floggingmolly - both really. Teacher was sad to see him go, though - genuinely- her face really fell when we told her, so that's something.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 14-Feb-13 20:50:11

I work with year one, I wouldn't expect any of the children that are in or that have been in my class to be overly emotional at leaving, and that definitely doesn't mean they haven't had strong friendships and a wonderful time.

It's because they are too young to get upset at the 'end of an era' in the same way that much older children and adults are. They haven't completely grasped the concept of something being gone forever, and they will willingly believe their parents who say their next school will be great.

You would have known about it if your child was unhappy at school. The fact that they (often especially boys) don't have particularly strong friendships and will just play with everyone happily is one of the most wonderful things about that age group.

You are over thinking, and expecting adult emotions from a very small child.

yellowbrickrd Thu 14-Feb-13 20:52:08

Are you concerned that your ds lacks emotion/empathy? He is still very young and that is the beauty of moving at this stage, they adapt and accept so quickly.

Schooldidi Thu 14-Feb-13 20:52:35

I moved dd1 when she was at the end of year 1 and she wasn't bothered in the slightest. The school made it nice as they had a little ceremony they did for any child leaving the school. But she wasn't bothered.

She had believed me wholesale that she would keep the friends she had and would make new friends as well in our new town and her new school. So moving school was always gong to be a good thing.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 14-Feb-13 20:53:55

Oh, maybe I misread and you were expecting more from the teacher and the rest of the class?

If that's the case, YABVU, the teacher has enough to think about for the children that are there and staying, not the one that is no longer going to be her concern. I'm sure she was disappointed to lose your ds from her class, but the school can't be having a fanfare every time a child comes or goes. That wouldn't be fair on the children that are staying.

lecce Thu 14-Feb-13 20:58:24

Oh gosh no, CloudsAndTrees - thank you very much for your first post, it makes a lot of sense and is pretty much what my dh has been saying to me ever since but nice to hear it from an expert on 5 year olds! No, I certainly was not expecting the teacher to make more of the occasion. I would have felt reassured had more of the children themselves come up and said goodbye or something, but certainly did not expect the teacher to coerce them/ organise a ceremony or anything - am not that much of a loon grin.

Floggingmolly Thu 14-Feb-13 20:59:24

Time has very little meaning at that age. They may understand the concept of forever, but it has very little reality in the mind of a 5 year old, really.
At least the teacher showed suitable gravitas smile

CloudsAndTrees Thu 14-Feb-13 21:05:02

Oh, ok! smile I got confused!

The children that your ds has been playing with won't completely comprehend the concept that they will never see your ds again, if that's the case, and if they will see him socially, they will be very easily pacified with that.

There are children that left last year that still get mentioned by the other children (mixed year group).

phantomnamechanger Thu 14-Feb-13 21:06:32

I would not worry it sounds perfectly normal for that age - have you seen how quickly "new" kids settle in and everyone else forgets they are "new"?

I moved schools every 18-24months as a kid due to my fathers job, 100s of miles each time - did not bother me at all till about Y5 age - then the class/teacher made a big fuss too and bought me a gift & a lovely card which I still have 30+ years later blush

pigletmania Thu 14-Feb-13 22:24:38

Yabu chidren have a nack of being very matter of fact

I moved country 4 times and over 200 miles within a country once, all before I was 8.

It never bothered me much tbh and I was always fairly meh about the whole thing.

SunflowersSmile Thu 14-Feb-13 22:45:17

The implications of a move is probably too much to take in for a 5 year old and his class mates.
They are babies really.

TroublesomeEx Thu 14-Feb-13 23:50:11

Children of that age don't get that this is 'forever' or that things will change. They don't really understand the implications.

It just wouldn't have occurred to any of them that they wouldn't be seeing each other again. Or have any experience of what that would look like and how it would feel.

They don't have a 'schema' for situations they haven't previously experienced and so don't have the same responses to things as adults do.

BlatantLies Fri 15-Feb-13 01:03:37

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I wouldn't worry about it for a moment. We moved all over the place with our DC's and they were always fine with it. My DD did have a cry when we last moved when she was about 12ish but she was also happy to move too. IYSWIM. We are not moving again.
We always had positive experiences of moving and the DCs have always been lucky with their new classmates so there were never any issues. I know there is an element of luck involved.

I think if you make a big deal then the kids can pick up on it.

I was really sad to say goodbye to their first kindergarten teachers though grin.

gaelicsheep Fri 15-Feb-13 01:18:56

DS moved schools at a similar age to yours OP. It took ages for him before it sank in that he wasn't going back, at which he became really quite sad sad. I suspect he didn't appreciate what was really going on. But as others have said, we don't want them to be too sad (but I've learned we mustn't underestimate their feelings either, even if not obvious).

BlatantLies Fri 15-Feb-13 19:05:28

That is a good point by gaelicsheep sometimes DC's can react at a later date.
We never made sweeping statements to the kids that moving schools (and countries) would be easy.

Even though all our moves went well I don't subscribe to the idea that kids are always adaptable to changes and that moving about is necessarily good for them. You just don't know how anindivigual DC is going to react. They may end up in a class with a horrible bully in. You just dont know. It is all a bit of a gamble but I think it is fair to warn them that it may, at times,be difficult.

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