to not understand why so many people are bitter?

(84 Posts)

Warning: This is a thread about many threads, and includes references to FB and blogs

I truly don't understand if it is a cultural thing or not. I'm not from the UK, and I really don't see the same reactions over here.
I have noticed many threads on MN slating facebook posts. It seems that if you post about mundane things, people are sneery about it being dull, but if you post about fun things then you are being a show off trying to look more popular than you are.
If you mention anyone else in your post, you will make people feel excluded, but if you don't, then your posts are all 'me, me, me' ?
There seems to be an issue with people planning things on fb, and that it should all be done out of sight, by email.
Personally, I don't know many people who use emails like that, maybe it is more common in the UK?
If people feel so emotionally charged about it, why have facebook at all?

Also there seems to be a real hate on for bloggers. No one is making you read them, and as far as I know, you actually have to go looking for them in the first place. I really don't get it?
It comes across as though anyone who enjoys themselves is deluded, doing it on purpose to make you feel bad, or staging it in some way.

Perhaps I am getting a skewed view, because the people who are fine with it don't pop up on these threads.

domesticgodless Sun 17-Feb-13 18:57:04

Must say though I have really revised my opinion of 2 or 3 people based on their obsessively braggy FB style. The odd positive/happy post is not it. It's when every second post is a broadcast of achievement/genius, etc.

domesticgodless Sun 17-Feb-13 18:56:01

hmm I am swamped with facebraggers on my feed. The thing is I do know them (!) and they are not actually bad people. I guess they must be trying to create a warm happy facade... or maybe they are just incredibly open about what makes them happy (and never experience failure, unhappiness or self doubt)... or maybe I read them wrong and they are total narcissists!!

But honestly (and this is an academic thing) do you need to post every time you win a grant, or finish an article? Do you need to spend every day updating people on your gruelling marathon schedule? Or what your wonderful husband gave you for your birthday? (I live alone so sensitive to that kind of thing ;D)

Kids etc I'm not sure about. I post pics of mine sometimes because dammit I am proud of them :D But only about twice a year.

meddie Sun 17-Feb-13 18:48:32

only 2 things bug me on facebook. The chain 'share this if you want to get this sick child a heart/kidney etc'
and the blatant fishing for sympathy using cryptic messages such as
'Some times life gets you down, but then you just smile through the pain'

Followed by people going "aww whats up babe xxxx" etc etc

andubelievedthat Sun 17-Feb-13 18:23:11

Moistenedbint has nailed it ,i was going to post my own opinion but who,in this world could follow her post ?a genuine classic ! > i salute you ,Moistenedbint !

Bunfags Sun 17-Feb-13 18:20:14

I must have chosen the remainder of my FB friends wisely, as none of them really boast.

fedupofnamechanging Sun 17-Feb-13 15:04:02

I genuinely liked all the people I added on fb until I added them. Now they frequently annoy the fuck out of me. I don't befriend, because I remember that IRL, I do actually care for these people, but if I judged them on their fb statuses alone I would consider them to be boastful, smug and rude!

My particular bugbear are using fb to sell things to friends ( unless it is a fb page specifically for a business) or constant boasting. A little bit of boasting is fine, but some people have no concept of when to stfu stop.

Pigsmummy Sun 17-Feb-13 13:53:14

FB is great for someone like me who works from home, sitting in front of a pc all day is tedious, FB can be fun. I get annoyed by all the bitching about FB, it isn't open, you only see posts from people that you have added so therefore I theory have at least a slight interest in? If they annoy you then don't read their updates and/or unfriend them?

Cerealqueen Thu 14-Feb-13 18:01:20

Good point Beograde.

Beograde Thu 14-Feb-13 16:53:03

I genuinely don't think it's resentment of success, rather than not liking smugness. I quite like that it's a bit of a national trait that we're self-deprecating. I just think it's a very fine line and hard to define when it's crossed, but must of us know it when we see it

ouryve Thu 14-Feb-13 16:39:31

Why do you read those threads, OP?

Pot:Kettle
Kettle:Pot

znaika Thu 14-Feb-13 16:36:47

It could be that British people are more likely to want resent the success of others, although Canadians are known for being gullible- maybe they're not shrewd enough to see through the bullshit. I think most fb threads I've seen are not about outright jealousy more about seeing some people post things that are clearly exaggerated or just falsified and there being a bit of a culture of Emperor's new clothes about it.

ChairmanWow Thu 14-Feb-13 16:16:13

"Also there seems to be a real hate on for bloggers. No one is making you read them, and as far as I know, you actually have to go looking for them in the first place. I really don't get it?"

Erm, couldn't the same be said for AIBU posts about bloggers and FB, OP? The titles usually indicate the content. Just don't read them. Problem solved.

I love Facebook. I enjoy being able to stay up to date on what people are up to and be nosy...
But even more than that- I enjoy getting irritated by the braggy updates, the look-at-me- duck face pictures, the public rows... I love it grin and I have no shame about that. sad and lonely cow grin

lljkk Thu 14-Feb-13 16:06:07

I'm American and we admire success and talk it up as something to emulate.

Oh, ok, I had never heard of that before. Between that, and the 'culture of envy' thing, this has been an eye opener for me.
I guess culturally we just assume the cream rises to the top no matter what, there is no point in being envious about it.

To be fair, I think Canadians in general are willing to criticize celebrities (we all bitch about Bieber) but are less likely to feel that way about people we know.

Cerealqueen Thu 14-Feb-13 15:59:21

I quite like FB. I look at it every day. I try to put things up that are informative or amusing (though I am not a regular poster, I enjoy those that are).

I'll put up holiday photos for family to see and like to see others too. If somebody posts about new decoration, I just assume they are a bit bored!

The 'Bedtime beckons; 4am alarm call. European day trips, the pits of international work travel' looks a bit like a stealth post - poor me having to get up at 4am but it says also, see, I travel internationally, not just to Europe, for my work so I'd be a bit cynical.

If she really wanted sympathy, should have put, 'pissed off have to get up at 4am for work, part of my job I'm not so keen on.'

I love the empty barrels quote!

lljkk Thu 14-Feb-13 15:46:18

Oh man, that's ANOTHER very British concept.
Along with "we love to put people on pedestals and then knock them down."

Tall Poppy = Stand out from the crowd (thru excelling at something). Like a tall flower (poppy). Conspicuously so as to attract ridicule for excelling at whatever it was. Particularly to do with braininess, but anything, really.

Do other cultures have a tradition of criticising swots?

What is Tall Poppy syndrome?

Bunfags Thu 14-Feb-13 11:41:59

I think most people have probably blocked my updates because I just share news articles. blush

What pissed me off was SIL who insisted of posting pics of me. I didn't even want to be in them in the first place. It would have been petty to have them removed, so I just untagged them. I don't even use my RL name on FB and I only use it to keep in touch with friends and family.

If people want to live their lives on FB, then all the best to them.

DeepRedBetty Thu 14-Feb-13 11:40:02

hossburger that's awful!

TheSecondComing Thu 14-Feb-13 11:32:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piprabbit Thu 14-Feb-13 11:31:20

I think that the British have a tendency towards Tall Poppy Syndrome. FB just gives us a whole new set of opportunities to cut each other down if we get too far above ourselves.

See also "She's no better than she ought to be", "I speak as I find", "I'm not being nasty, but..." and schadenfreud.

DeWe Thu 14-Feb-13 11:21:00

I'm English born bred, and I don't get the anguish from fb.

Yes, people post brags about their children's achievements. Why not? I like hearing what my friend's children have done. Do I sometimes think I'd like my dc to have done it? Yes. Does that mean they shouldn't post it? No, it's still nice to hear what they've been doing. They're proud (usually) and celebrating it, not showing off.

Do I sometimes see some friends have got together without inviting me? Yes. But I don't expect to be invited to everything. I certainly don't invite everyone on my fb list, even though I'm fairly picky about who goes on my friendship list. I don't think it's ever bothered me at all to see friends having a nice time without me.

What I do hate is the chain stuff. But I just ignore it. I don't get worked up about it, because it's something others love to do, I don't. I've always avoided chain mails since I was quite little and a friend got sent one that said she'd be run over by a bus if she broke the chain, and she was really upset.

And even a lot of mundane things can be interesting in that it can show a side to the person you never knew. I've found out that one of my friends is a keen golfer. Never knew that, and she never talks about it in rl, but occasionally posts about it.

kimorama Thu 14-Feb-13 11:09:23

Yes, there is a lot of anger about. The aggession of the pub at midnight. Rather than a sensibly conversation in a library at midday. Bloated ego, is usually a male thing of various sites. FB has its problems; and needs to look at itself Its become too popular for anyones good

Dahlen Thu 14-Feb-13 10:58:16

There was a study out not so long ago that concluded that the vast majority of people using FB deliberately exaggerate their statuses to make their lives sound more exciting/dramatic/happier/successful, etc. Apparently, people feel under pressure to do so because the online world has resulted in people constantly comparing themselves to each other. It's the modern-day, online version of keeping up with the joneses I suppose.

It's a bit daft really, since it stands to reason that if you're (generic) exaggerating your status, lots of other people probably are too. And it's the same mentality that resulted in so many people getting saddled with debt trying to fund lifestyles they couldn't afford before the credit crunch.

I suspect the cynicism comes from that. Personally I find FB very dull, though I maintain a blank, status-free account to view stuff from time to time.But each to their own. As long as people are aware of the pitfalls of social media and enjoy using it, live and let live is my motto.

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