to not understand why so many people are bitter?

(84 Posts)

Warning: This is a thread about many threads, and includes references to FB and blogs

I truly don't understand if it is a cultural thing or not. I'm not from the UK, and I really don't see the same reactions over here.
I have noticed many threads on MN slating facebook posts. It seems that if you post about mundane things, people are sneery about it being dull, but if you post about fun things then you are being a show off trying to look more popular than you are.
If you mention anyone else in your post, you will make people feel excluded, but if you don't, then your posts are all 'me, me, me' ?
There seems to be an issue with people planning things on fb, and that it should all be done out of sight, by email.
Personally, I don't know many people who use emails like that, maybe it is more common in the UK?
If people feel so emotionally charged about it, why have facebook at all?

Also there seems to be a real hate on for bloggers. No one is making you read them, and as far as I know, you actually have to go looking for them in the first place. I really don't get it?
It comes across as though anyone who enjoys themselves is deluded, doing it on purpose to make you feel bad, or staging it in some way.

Perhaps I am getting a skewed view, because the people who are fine with it don't pop up on these threads.

Beograde Thu 14-Feb-13 07:45:50

Add to that, FB is going to be awful today!

exoticfruits Thu 14-Feb-13 07:54:31

I don't think it is FB- people just have the wrong friends! Just de friend them- or if you don't want to go that far then hide their posts.I don't read blogs - you don't have to!

redlac Thu 14-Feb-13 07:55:14

I now only have people I actually like on my FB - no random mums from the playground, no colleagues, no old school friends that I never see. My FB feed doesn't raise my blood pressure any more that I've got rid of people I don't really know

However I think FB does let you see sides of your friends that you probably wouldn't see which can open your eyes a bit

exoticfruits Thu 14-Feb-13 07:56:59

I tell a lie- actually I do read one blog - and what annoys me is that I disagree with a lot if it and comment (always politely) and she keeps tight control and you are only allowed to comment if you agree.

ssd Thu 14-Feb-13 08:08:26

I hate fb, now have only one relative on it

too much insensitive bragging

if you dont like the crap people post, unfriend them or whatever its called

lifes too short

WhichIsBest Thu 14-Feb-13 09:50:27

I find I only get annoyed by the Facebook posts of those I don't really like very much in real life.

badguider Thu 14-Feb-13 10:08:15

If one of my friends posted '4am alarm call for work trip to european city' I would never see that as boasting - i travel for work and blimmin hate the 4am taxi to the airport. I'd probably post with - "sympathies, make sure you get a good dinner on expenses tonight to make up for it" or something.

My fb this morning consists of -
Good friend on her way to london for a few days, responses from some of her other friends who'll be in london arranging meet ups. response from me to see when she's back as she owes me lunch.
Snow report for the hill road at Cairngorm (v. useful to see skiing conditions)
An Avaaz petition to end violence against women
Some chit-chat about 'the following' (which we don't get)
Somebody's baby being woken by a 6am phonecall hangup.. bitching and sympathy responses about cold callers and hangups.
Somebody's last day at work for mat leave... lots of congrats.
A photo of a new bridge being built near us for cyclists to cross the river away from the road (sounds dull but is exciting for us, person who posted photo lives nearer than us so nice to see progress).
My cousin's birthday

Cherriesarelovely Thu 14-Feb-13 10:10:00

some very interesting questions posed here OP. Certainly made me think. I think I find it strange that some people that I like in RL put really annoying attention seeking things on fbook! An example is people put statuses like "Now I know who my real friends are....." or "Things are looking up....." but then no further updates. Also I cannot bear the vanity of some people, someone on my fbook wrote "can't believe I didn't get to bed till 4am and I still look fantastic"! It has made me go right off some people!

I do enjoy using fbook to stay in touch with some of my friends and family who live in a different part of the country or overseas though.

hossburger Thu 14-Feb-13 10:50:49

Came off FB for one reason.

Hated seeing an acquaintance of mine (friend A) posting the smug "look at my perfect home / kids / hair/ shoes / life / holidays" stuff whilst I know her DH is having an affair with one of her friends (B) - who also posts the smug "perfect life" stuff at the same time.

Found it all so deeply false and used to depress me no end.

and when it all comes out, as it surely will, it'll make the fallout worse having the "timeline" of friend B chatting to friend A about how lucky she is to have such a perfect family and wonderful husband..............maybe while they're in bed together having a good old laugh at her expense.

Vile people use it to hurt one another.

Though I'm sure for most it's totally harmless.

Dahlen Thu 14-Feb-13 10:58:16

There was a study out not so long ago that concluded that the vast majority of people using FB deliberately exaggerate their statuses to make their lives sound more exciting/dramatic/happier/successful, etc. Apparently, people feel under pressure to do so because the online world has resulted in people constantly comparing themselves to each other. It's the modern-day, online version of keeping up with the joneses I suppose.

It's a bit daft really, since it stands to reason that if you're (generic) exaggerating your status, lots of other people probably are too. And it's the same mentality that resulted in so many people getting saddled with debt trying to fund lifestyles they couldn't afford before the credit crunch.

I suspect the cynicism comes from that. Personally I find FB very dull, though I maintain a blank, status-free account to view stuff from time to time.But each to their own. As long as people are aware of the pitfalls of social media and enjoy using it, live and let live is my motto.

kimorama Thu 14-Feb-13 11:09:23

Yes, there is a lot of anger about. The aggession of the pub at midnight. Rather than a sensibly conversation in a library at midday. Bloated ego, is usually a male thing of various sites. FB has its problems; and needs to look at itself Its become too popular for anyones good

DeWe Thu 14-Feb-13 11:21:00

I'm English born bred, and I don't get the anguish from fb.

Yes, people post brags about their children's achievements. Why not? I like hearing what my friend's children have done. Do I sometimes think I'd like my dc to have done it? Yes. Does that mean they shouldn't post it? No, it's still nice to hear what they've been doing. They're proud (usually) and celebrating it, not showing off.

Do I sometimes see some friends have got together without inviting me? Yes. But I don't expect to be invited to everything. I certainly don't invite everyone on my fb list, even though I'm fairly picky about who goes on my friendship list. I don't think it's ever bothered me at all to see friends having a nice time without me.

What I do hate is the chain stuff. But I just ignore it. I don't get worked up about it, because it's something others love to do, I don't. I've always avoided chain mails since I was quite little and a friend got sent one that said she'd be run over by a bus if she broke the chain, and she was really upset.

And even a lot of mundane things can be interesting in that it can show a side to the person you never knew. I've found out that one of my friends is a keen golfer. Never knew that, and she never talks about it in rl, but occasionally posts about it.

piprabbit Thu 14-Feb-13 11:31:20

I think that the British have a tendency towards Tall Poppy Syndrome. FB just gives us a whole new set of opportunities to cut each other down if we get too far above ourselves.

See also "She's no better than she ought to be", "I speak as I find", "I'm not being nasty, but..." and schadenfreud.

TheSecondComing Thu 14-Feb-13 11:32:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepRedBetty Thu 14-Feb-13 11:40:02

hossburger that's awful!

Bunfags Thu 14-Feb-13 11:41:59

I think most people have probably blocked my updates because I just share news articles. blush

What pissed me off was SIL who insisted of posting pics of me. I didn't even want to be in them in the first place. It would have been petty to have them removed, so I just untagged them. I don't even use my RL name on FB and I only use it to keep in touch with friends and family.

If people want to live their lives on FB, then all the best to them.

What is Tall Poppy syndrome?

lljkk Thu 14-Feb-13 15:46:18

Oh man, that's ANOTHER very British concept.
Along with "we love to put people on pedestals and then knock them down."

Tall Poppy = Stand out from the crowd (thru excelling at something). Like a tall flower (poppy). Conspicuously so as to attract ridicule for excelling at whatever it was. Particularly to do with braininess, but anything, really.

Do other cultures have a tradition of criticising swots?

Cerealqueen Thu 14-Feb-13 15:59:21

I quite like FB. I look at it every day. I try to put things up that are informative or amusing (though I am not a regular poster, I enjoy those that are).

I'll put up holiday photos for family to see and like to see others too. If somebody posts about new decoration, I just assume they are a bit bored!

The 'Bedtime beckons; 4am alarm call. European day trips, the pits of international work travel' looks a bit like a stealth post - poor me having to get up at 4am but it says also, see, I travel internationally, not just to Europe, for my work so I'd be a bit cynical.

If she really wanted sympathy, should have put, 'pissed off have to get up at 4am for work, part of my job I'm not so keen on.'

I love the empty barrels quote!

Oh, ok, I had never heard of that before. Between that, and the 'culture of envy' thing, this has been an eye opener for me.
I guess culturally we just assume the cream rises to the top no matter what, there is no point in being envious about it.

To be fair, I think Canadians in general are willing to criticize celebrities (we all bitch about Bieber) but are less likely to feel that way about people we know.

lljkk Thu 14-Feb-13 16:06:07

I'm American and we admire success and talk it up as something to emulate.

I love Facebook. I enjoy being able to stay up to date on what people are up to and be nosy...
But even more than that- I enjoy getting irritated by the braggy updates, the look-at-me- duck face pictures, the public rows... I love it grin and I have no shame about that. sad and lonely cow grin

ChairmanWow Thu 14-Feb-13 16:16:13

"Also there seems to be a real hate on for bloggers. No one is making you read them, and as far as I know, you actually have to go looking for them in the first place. I really don't get it?"

Erm, couldn't the same be said for AIBU posts about bloggers and FB, OP? The titles usually indicate the content. Just don't read them. Problem solved.

znaika Thu 14-Feb-13 16:36:47

It could be that British people are more likely to want resent the success of others, although Canadians are known for being gullible- maybe they're not shrewd enough to see through the bullshit. I think most fb threads I've seen are not about outright jealousy more about seeing some people post things that are clearly exaggerated or just falsified and there being a bit of a culture of Emperor's new clothes about it.

ouryve Thu 14-Feb-13 16:39:31

Why do you read those threads, OP?

Pot:Kettle
Kettle:Pot

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