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to be livid at being told I have no partner are 13 months?

(77 Posts)
brightspark2 Wed 13-Feb-13 00:20:35

Too hurt to cry, too sick to eat or sleep. Apparently I am not anyone's partner, I am undesignated - after six months of partnership level commitment. I have NEVER tried to own him in fact was thanked for my indulgence for three months while he spent most of his time with his mates cos one was leaving. He calls me by this woman's name in bed then swears they don't like me and am banned from the area of his life he has spent most of November and December with (obviously thinking of them not me). Fuck his privacy that is just an excuse to treat me like this - and where the hell does he get off telling me we aren't married and he has no label (ie status) in my life, just more than a friend. Friend with benefits then - arrogant git has nowhere near the level of trust my actual HUSBAND earned - and it's polite to wait til you're offered! He should be so fuckin lucky.

emailed to him 24 hours later

Although there is no legal definition of living together, it generally means to live together as a couple without being married.

(ie bar the odd night back at the Hotel, since the beginning of AUGUST - nearly six months)

You can formalise aspects of your status with a partner

So you are unfair and unreasonable just because you do not want the ex et al finding out you have an undesignated.

There is obviously baggage and issues but you have enjoyed partnership level commitment. Nowhere NEAR the level of trust earned by my actual husband - how dare you?!

I do NOT presume to step into her shoes I was just stupid enough to goby the rest of the world's definition. I acquiesce to your attempt to sabotage the first date FOR ME and your attempt to put me in my undesignated (actually, friend with benefits) place.

I do not and never will agree with your distorted viewpoint.

You do this when you are sleep deprived and choose not to get at least a nap on the day of your night off - as when your money runs out. I get it in the neck with your nasty erroneous conclusions.

I will see you when you have slept and are not being as much of a bastard - now there's a label for you.

That will be some time after Valentine's Day then.

Pandemoniaa Thu 14-Feb-13 13:01:59

I also said he must not push past me as my disabillity may be causing me pain - he said he had not known it was bad that day

You don't push past people whether or not they have a disability. But knowing that you do makes this, additional example of his unpleasantness, totally unreasonable.

Please accept that this man is using you and show him the door. It is clear, from your posts, that he behaves just as he chooses and, insultingly, comes back to you for sex. He is not a partner. Nor, realistically, is he a boyfriend. But he is a cock lodger par excellence. However, he seems to have the cunning to recognise that even your tolerance isn't unlimited. Hence his "remorse" when it looks like you are about to come to your senses and show him the door. I have no doubt that this is temporary and once he has his feet back under the table, he'll revert to type.

Also, you don't have to go back to dating straight away if you separate. You can choose to have some peaceful time enjoying your own company, the added bonus of which is that you are likely to be much less keen to accept unsatisfactory relationships.

brightspark2 Sun 03-Mar-13 13:06:50

Update - he was horrifed at my response - deeply upset that he had hurt me.

He refers to me openly as his partner and took me out to meet up with some other friends and was openly affectionate despite his (Northern) assertion that he doesn't do PDA.

He has a 58" chest and we have a tiny flat - he is very careful now to let me know he is behind me and notices when I am in pain and not telling him so -it gets boring, even for me and I am not very good at asking for help -doing laundry and food when I could but it would hurt me.

He has booked a Mother's Day lunch for me and my son, his Mum and his sister - we have settled in to living together and are happy.

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