to be livid at being told I have no partner are 13 months?

(77 Posts)
brightspark2 Wed 13-Feb-13 00:20:35

Too hurt to cry, too sick to eat or sleep. Apparently I am not anyone's partner, I am undesignated - after six months of partnership level commitment. I have NEVER tried to own him in fact was thanked for my indulgence for three months while he spent most of his time with his mates cos one was leaving. He calls me by this woman's name in bed then swears they don't like me and am banned from the area of his life he has spent most of November and December with (obviously thinking of them not me). Fuck his privacy that is just an excuse to treat me like this - and where the hell does he get off telling me we aren't married and he has no label (ie status) in my life, just more than a friend. Friend with benefits then - arrogant git has nowhere near the level of trust my actual HUSBAND earned - and it's polite to wait til you're offered! He should be so fuckin lucky.

emailed to him 24 hours later

Although there is no legal definition of living together, it generally means to live together as a couple without being married.

(ie bar the odd night back at the Hotel, since the beginning of AUGUST - nearly six months)

You can formalise aspects of your status with a partner

So you are unfair and unreasonable just because you do not want the ex et al finding out you have an undesignated.

There is obviously baggage and issues but you have enjoyed partnership level commitment. Nowhere NEAR the level of trust earned by my actual husband - how dare you?!

I do NOT presume to step into her shoes I was just stupid enough to goby the rest of the world's definition. I acquiesce to your attempt to sabotage the first date FOR ME and your attempt to put me in my undesignated (actually, friend with benefits) place.

I do not and never will agree with your distorted viewpoint.

You do this when you are sleep deprived and choose not to get at least a nap on the day of your night off - as when your money runs out. I get it in the neck with your nasty erroneous conclusions.

I will see you when you have slept and are not being as much of a bastard - now there's a label for you.

That will be some time after Valentine's Day then.

scaevola Wed 13-Feb-13 07:06:27

Oh dear.

It's not clear from OP, but do you live in your own place? And he's been staying over a lot? You thought this meant he was a committed cohabiting partner, but he saw it as a convenient place to stay when he didn't have a bed elsewhere?

EarlyMorningBaconDemon Wed 13-Feb-13 08:54:14

...EH!?

MmeLindor Wed 13-Feb-13 09:29:44

Would you like to clarify that, cause I didn't understand it at all.

It sounds like he is not really that into you. Cut your losses.

loopylou6 Wed 13-Feb-13 09:38:20

Sorry, what?

diddl Wed 13-Feb-13 09:41:03

Really don´t understand the post, but.-LTB?

Sallyingforth Wed 13-Feb-13 10:00:23

If I read this correctly, you regarded him as a partner while he just wants a no-strings fuck.
In that case you have learned a hard lesson and I am very sorry for you. Drop him down the nearest hole.

TrampyPants Wed 13-Feb-13 10:01:58

ummm...

LTB? <hopeful>

Merl0t Wed 13-Feb-13 10:06:55

Are you ok!?

Is English your second language? I think another poster said 'welcome to the man you thought was decent is actually a prick Club'. is that it in a nutshell?

I dread dating. It seems to have moved in this direction, where you can't even assume that you can expect exclusivity as the Americans say.

Merl0t Wed 13-Feb-13 10:08:32

a cocklodger as the mn jury would say. I agree, dump his ARSE. Don't let him try and persuade you that you're being UNreasonable not to be totally cool with him basically living in your house and keeping an eye out elsewhere all the time.

twitchycurtains Wed 13-Feb-13 10:12:46

I dont really understand the ins and outs but you are clearly unhappy with this man. Tell him to fucking do one- no one, no one deserves this level of angst past a certain age.

Flobbadobs Wed 13-Feb-13 10:13:17

I think you might be an unintentional other woman. I'm really sorry to say it but I think he's stringing you and his ex(?) along.
Get rid, get your life back and good luck x

CockyPants Wed 13-Feb-13 10:17:55

Are you insane brights parks?
Kick his arse out of your life right now! He's told you by his appalling treatment of you that he does not love you.
Listen to what he says and move on.
Your revenge will be a successful and happy future without him in it.

brightspark2 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:13:35

aldiwhore and bogeyface, you got it. I was verrry upset when I wrote, sorry guys for the long confusing post. I am disabled and was in a lot of pain and had slept only 11 hours myself since last Thursday due to the pain.

His mother and sister know about me - his sister is friends with the friends who don't like me but gave me a chance when I looked after his mother for him while the sister she lives with went on holiday.

He has introduced me to maybe four people. He is not being physically unfaithful but his focus is on his friends and the mates he has had a long time - he will go out and help them - he lost his job four weeks ago and practically lived at his best mates, coming back for food sometimes and sex - he often does not tell me when he will be back, - not trapping but 48 hours notice for defrosting and a bit of notice before cooking is useful!

He is much more reasonable when he has slept but has a habit of accusing me of things I have not done or said, bad intentions I never had and is basically an ogre/monster when he chooses to stay up not sleep after he has been up several days - some necessary, some not.

He does want the relationship but objects if I refer to him as my partner - I am more than a friend and talking about me calls me his girlfriend - which funnily is ok for an older woman but NOT ok to be a 'boy' friend at 53, sounds faintly ridiculous.

He is good at home in other ways but does not want me to refer to him in any other way than by his NAME.

Gut feeling he is still hung up on his ex -they split 10 years ago, others meddled and he got accused.

He had other relationships in the meantime most a matter of months one or two a couple of years. He wants long term love but to be ostensibly single.

I was widowed twice and stayed on my own for the following 10 years.

We only go to darkened cinemas cos that is what he likes we do not go out socially with others at all - he has one married couple mate and the husband tried to talk me into an affair behind his back. We never went again. His long term mates are from his clubby days which lasted until about 15 years ago - he was a DJ in a nightclub.

FellationNelson that was physical pain like stage 3 labour involed there - I had no alcohol at all.

I took sleeping tablets and went to sleep. I went out before he got in. He is here now asleep. He did not respond to my text or my email. (just one of each).

I will wait to see what he is like when he gets up but we will have to talk about the homewrecking mates dripping poison and his collaboration with them, plus his double standards and issuin unreasonable orders with no explanation expecting me to blindly follow them - isn't that how the Nazis ruled?

Mandy2003 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:19:00

Horrible, horrible abusive thing. Can't bring myself to use the word man.

Him and my exP - separated at birth. After putting up with the comparisons, being hidden in the dark etc the poison he assumed his mates were dripping led him to be violent to me and his son.

I nearly died after being thrown downstairs. Do you want to end up like that?

VinegarTits Wed 13-Feb-13 13:24:29

I wouldnt be taking about anything with him when he wakes up, i would be showing him the door

brightspark2 Wed 13-Feb-13 13:26:08

My English is outstanding but my hands do not work so my typing is rubbish.

Perriwinkle Wed 13-Feb-13 13:26:23

Brightspark2. All I can say is that this man sounds like a messed up emotional cripple who is leading a dysfunctional life. You also sound like someone who is pretty needy in many ways to want to/feel like there is no alternative but to stay in a relationship with someone like him.

I think you should examine the issues you have which give rise to your predisposition to allow him to treat you as he does and put up with this relationship which is clearly not making you happy.

I hope you can sort all of this in some way and move him out of your life and move on with yours.

diddl Wed 13-Feb-13 13:26:46

Of course he wants the "relationship"-he puts nothing in & gets everything that he wants when he wants it!!

buttercrumble Wed 13-Feb-13 13:29:58

This thread makes no sense whatsoever, cant understand a word you have said but hope your ok thanks

He is a horrible person, I thought he sounded 16 not 53!

He is toxic waste, get him out of your life now.

Booyhoo Wed 13-Feb-13 13:31:48

oh OP. this man is doing nothing for you. he is using you up and leaving you feeling like shit. in your shoes? i would change the locks, text him and tell him it's over and dump any of his crap in a bag at the front door. ignore all further calls and texts. dont let him manipulate you into letting him use you anymore. take control and end his abuse of you. so sorry. what a bastard.

C4ro Wed 13-Feb-13 13:39:38

So he only makes an effort for his mates, lets them say nasty things to and about you without defending you, makes no commitment to you after over a year together.

Kick him to the kerb and have a happy life either solo or with someone that isn't so childish.

StuntGirl Wed 13-Feb-13 13:44:19

Still not 100% sure what's going on but it sounds like you're better off without him. Ditch him, you're worth more thanks

FellatioNels0n Wed 13-Feb-13 13:47:15

Oh for crying out loud. this man is in every way a cocklodger. And I have never used that term before. He uses you for sex, he treats your house like a hotel, he allows you to provide him with all the home comforts a wife would provide but he gives back NOTHING. NOTHING. And I hate to say this but he sounds embarrassed by you.

Please see this for what it is, and back his bags immediately.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Wed 13-Feb-13 13:48:24

I have read other threads of yours sad You need to kick that batshit git to the curb, you really do. He's using you, completely draining your self confidence and is not worth your time.

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