to ask for an elective ceseran even though theres no reason i cant have a normal delivery?

(178 Posts)
ditsydoll Tue 12-Feb-13 20:34:57

There's absolutely no medical reason that I couldn't give birth. I have a wonderful almost 4yo DD and had a pretty good delivery with her.

However, this time round I'm terrified, not of the pain but of something happening to be during labour or birth.

I keep having nightmares about dying and leave my beautiful DD without a mum. It's really starting to get to me and its just making me miserable. I keep trying to forget about it and enjoy my pregnancy and DD but it's starting to consume me.

Tried talking to Dp and he thinks I'm being silly.

Help

whois Tue 12-Feb-13 22:12:40

vb aren't that bad

For you maybe. Not for my SIL who has haemorrhaged twice and had forceps on the third. Not for my mums god daughter who had a v bad year all the way to anus.

Ariel24 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:15:50

I don't think the recovery time is always longer. I think there are good recoveries with both vb and c/s. And there are bad with both too! Every woman and every birth is so different.

FWIW I had a very good recovery from my c/s. I wasn't in loads of pain, I breastfed successfully, the midwives commented on how well I was moving and things like that the day after I had the c/s. It was a bit hard getting out of bed for a couple of weeks, as was going up stairs if I was a bit tired. All in all I wouldn't hesitate to have another caesarean.

PolkadotCircus Tue 12-Feb-13 22:15:58

Or for two of my friends who have had years of reconstructive surgery(which still hasn't worked).

These are the friends not too embarrassed to talk about it.sad

youmaycallmeSSP Tue 12-Feb-13 22:18:04

Please seriously consider going to see your GP about this anxiety. I had pregnancy-induced anxiety and spent weeks and weeks crying in secret because I thought that me, my baby and DH were going to die. Every time DH left for work I was convinced that I would never see him again. It was horrible and I suffered from terrible PND after DS was born. I'm sure that if I'd spoken to my MW or GP about how I felt during pregnancy then that year needn't have been so utterly awful.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 12-Feb-13 22:18:16

The recovery time isn't necessarily longer, at all. It all depends on what kind of birth you are comparing with what kind of birth.

My easy, uncomplicated, well handled planned c section was a doddle to recover from, compared to a few friends' very long labours, severe tears/forceps damage. In an ante-natal group of 6 1st time mums, one mum (who had a very straightforward and quite fast vb) was out of hospital after an overnight stay - I was out after 2 nights after my elcs but could have gone after 1 really - the rest were all vbs and in for between 2 nights and a week and a half, for the grimmest instrumental delivery. And she came home with a catheter still in.

But then you can find women who had awful emcs's and long recoveries and women who have homebirth vbs where it all goes swimmingly. So much depends on individual circumstances.

anniroc Tue 12-Feb-13 22:19:46

All I would say is don't think an ELCS is an easy way out, or in fact easy at all. I absolutely hated mine (DD was a footling breech) it was so uncomfortable, you cant get out of bed for the first night and it's a major operation so takes time to recover from (frustrating when you have another LO to look after). Having done induced labour with my DS, I have to say I preferred that! Good luck.

twoboyslater Tue 12-Feb-13 22:22:08

Yabvu. I had to have an emergency section with ds1 and I don't have the choice of having this next baby naturally due to the risk factors. I'm incredibly jealous of women that can birth naturally AND go without weeks of recovering (it is literally agony). I'd much rather have hours of painful labour than weeks of painful recovery.

AmberSocks Tue 12-Feb-13 22:22:38

it is longer,even for an easy section.

i had a water birth at home with 2 and 2 drug free vb at hospital,all 4 times i got up off the bed,had a shower,got dressed,dressed my baby and walked to bed,within 5-10 minutes after giving birth,you cant do that after a c section no matter how straightforward.

lia66 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:23:49

The other thing to think about is if you'd like more children op. you might feel differently next time, then you'd have to fight the system for a vbac.

Have you thought about a doula? Get some personal support for yourself and dh and perhaps some fear release?

doublecakeplease Tue 12-Feb-13 22:25:28

I know this is controversial and women have choices now BUT i really think that cs should only really be done for medical reasons on the nhs. Feel free to flame but my reasons include:
- the cost. Non medical birth is room with a midwife. Cs is theatre with lots of staff
-emergency cases may have to wait (in potentially life and death situations) whilst someone has an unnecessary elective
-cost in recovery. In hospital for usually 2 nights v quicker release time with normal births

Hmm - probably more reasons and i know lots will disagree strongly but that's fair enough

LivingThings Tue 12-Feb-13 22:26:04

I had very easy recoveries from both my ELCSs and was up out of bed same day doing nappies etc both times. No discomfort or pain and i had a 15 montb old to deal with too second time. Started running again five weeks after each so they couldn 't have been that bad - but everyones different.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 12-Feb-13 22:26:38

No, amber. if you have a bad vb it can take a lot longer to recover than if you have a an easy elcs.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 12-Feb-13 22:27:11

Depends what kind of recovery "time."

Immedialty after op - pretty disabled, and limited for about three weeks - but in no pain.

I had a so called great text book VB but I still feel 100 times better four months on - after a section than I did after a VB with no intervention or complications.

Unfortunalty there isnt really a climate where people can truthfully say how thier birth went.

BarredfromhavingStella Tue 12-Feb-13 22:27:34

Whois yes you're right, for me both my vb were quick with no complications but with an episiostomy both times & very fucking painful (gas & air) but I would not for a minute consider asking for an ecs. Giving examples of worse case scenarios just isn't helpful, very few vb are like that as I'm sure very few ecs are horror stories hmm

Seems that this thread is simply all about how fabulous an ecs is, just though it would be good to give another slant to it.

OP I'd speak to your mw to see about talking through your fears before deciding for definate on an ecs.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 12-Feb-13 22:28:36

No Rain, It can also take longer to recover if you have a so called text book birth to recover from than an easy elc.

I would say about four years on did I feel OK again after VB, nothing major - but a lot of nagging things.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 12-Feb-13 22:30:43

Actually.... I WAS up the same day as my elcs - in fact, I was out of bed the same night. dp reminded me. I had ds late afternoon - I can't even remember why I got out of bed now, as I didn't shower until the next morning (and after weeks of getting up every hour to pee at night, I was quite happy to have a catheter in overnight!). But dp is right, I was up. Maybe I was just keen to mobilise. Not that I think recovery should be competitive, it all takes as long as it takes, however you give birth....

Notcontent Tue 12-Feb-13 22:33:24

Can I say again - an emergency CS is completely different to an elective one...

Also, I am sorry to say but you only get a belly overhang from a CS if have belly already.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 12-Feb-13 22:35:47

Sorry clementine - x post - well, yes, I have heard friends who had what could be described as ok deliveries talking about various problems, and I do wonder how widespread that is. I'm not a big one for birth stories though, and I do tend to keep quiet irl about my elcs. I don't want to go on about it being a good birth around women who had bad vbs, and (on a different tack) women can have VERY strange attitudes towards elcs, and I don't like to make their problems my problems!

gordyslovesheep Tue 12-Feb-13 22:36:43

everyone is different

saying 'BV aint that bad' is flippant and a bit goady - YOURS where not

My sections here fine - other peoples aren't

gory detail wont help the OP with her fear though!

MikeOxardAndWellard Tue 12-Feb-13 22:39:51

notcontent that isn't true at all. My belly skin folds at the c sec scar creating a hangy skin flap. Never had a belly before and certainly never one that hung!

PolkadotCircus Tue 12-Feb-13 22:41:21

Re cost- the surgery and other medical treatments often needed after a vb I'm sure would make either option comparable.

MyDarlingClementine Tue 12-Feb-13 22:42:14

I think there is a problem with information and freedom of speach though.

I think that women are afraid to say they had a bad birth because someone somewhere will say " yes but it was worth it you got the baby" whilst they are nursing a damaged for life bladder and a catheta or something, or they are afraid to say like op - they want an elc for fear of being told they are selfish and will cost our poor NHS money needlessly.

I think culture is changing - hopefully by the time my DD's have DC the whole thing will be open and balanced and ELC will be recognised as a fine and viable option for the ladies that want it and need it - and that VB is also a viable option but with more truthful disclosure of the things that can go wrong.

Again, people who have had bad VB experiences are told they are being competitive or scaremongering if they speak about it.

It is totally irrelevant what kind of deliveries we've all had; lots of examples of good/bad VBs or good/bad CSs will not help the OP.

ditsydoll, YANBU to favour one method of delivery over another (your body, your choice IMO), but you sound as if you are feeling the way you do due to your anxiety. That is what needs to be addressed, not the way you'll deliver. Of course the predictability of a date and 'doctors taking over' might seem reassuring, but it really is an avoidance behaviour which will make anxiety worse. The danger is that you might latch on to something else to get anxious about once this worry is out of the way. Your way of thinking is not entirely rational and that IMO is a bigger danger to you than the mode of delivery.

Please speak to somebody: your GP? Or consultant if you don't feel comfortable with your MW? Don't carry this on your own. Do you/did you in the past have any help with anxiety/avoidance?

PolkadotCircus Tue 12-Feb-13 22:44:52

I agree Clementine.I was shocked to hear of the birth injuries you can get that are still rife in the countries without the option of c/ss.The way it is swept under the carpet and not talked about is just dreadful.

Ariel24 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:45:29

Doublecakeplease would just like to say with regards to your post, NICE guidelines have stated that cost should not be a reason to refuse a request for c/s. You could argue about cost for so many things the NHS do. The cost of the medical care some women need potentially years after a vb can be more than the cost of a c/s. And as for hospital stay, other posters on this thread have mentioned longer hospital stays for vb in some instances.

Also, hospitals have systems in place to ensure no emergency case would have to wait- they run two theatres where I had my c/s. Set days for having planned c/s. And careful monitoring of women in labour, so if an emcs is needed that will be pre-empted. A planned c/s would be delayed for an emcs.

And what do you judge as medically necessary, physical reasons only? Psychological reasons are still a medical reason.

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