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To be a Non-Driver that doesn't expect lifts.

(101 Posts)
usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 14:03:37

Or am I a rarity?it would seem so reading all the moaning about giving people lifts threads on MN ATM.

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 14:58:52

I left part of my sentence out there, I mean she asked other people for lifts as well, colleagues and the like, not just close friends.

Tee2072 Tue 12-Feb-13 15:00:17

Seeker I use the walk to and from to school as my exercise and that's why I refused both offers from fellow parents today.

I like walking. And I like the bus. Don't have to make polite conversation with people on the bus.

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 15:00:22

Well, obviously, 30 miles out of your way is a bonkers thing to ask. But the threads on here are always about people going to the same party, or picking children up from the same place. it's insane to complain about that!

Latara Tue 12-Feb-13 15:00:46

I hate getting the bus on sunny days because the type of epilepsy i have is 'photosensitive' - i get a taxi i can't afford rather than get the bus on sunny days, because at least the taxi can stop if i ask them to.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 15:01:11

I think we feel guilty about our non-driving state.

We trudge in the rain sad while you are warm and snug in your cars.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:00

But seriously, I do like walking and do refuse lifts if I feel like a walk.

Jins Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:08

Well seeker, it's not just about where I'm going to. It's about how full my car is, how clean my car is, who the person is, whether I'm in a rush, whether I need to stop for petrol, whether I'm not in a chatty mood etc.

Most times it's convenient. Sometimes it's not

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 15:02:38

yes, I don't mind giving someone else's children a lift to dance class or whatever. If I'm going that way anyway, its not inconvenient.

Tee2072 Tue 12-Feb-13 15:07:29

I don't feel guilty at all about my non-driving state. Why would I?

It's not by choice, it's by lack of funds to pay for lessons/tests/license/car/insurance.

I got my first US license when I was 17 and my first car at the same time, funded by my mother who insisted I drive so I could run errands for her. I missed it for about 2 months when I first moved to Belfast, now it's just a fact of life.

But I actually enjoy walking. Even in the rain.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 15:10:18

I should have said, we are made to feel guilty for accepting lifts.

Especially on MN.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 12-Feb-13 15:11:11

Yanbu. We grew up without a car, only one person in my family had a car and he lived too far away to give any lifts to us. Ex didn't drive either and neither do I so I never expect a lift anywhere, if someone does offer me a lift I'm very grateful and I always offer petrol money.

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 15:12:26

don't feel guilty for accepting lifts.

If someone offers you a lift, you have to assume that they actually mean it.

If they offer you a lift, and secretly hope that you will say no because they don't want you to accept, then its their own bloody fault. I hate mindgames.

Purple2012 Tue 12-Feb-13 15:15:41

I don't think we are in the minority. I can drive but a couple of years ago due to pay cuts etc I made the decision to give up my car. I walk or get the bus pretty much everywhere. We do still have a car but my husband uses it for work so I don't often get to use it.

I am sometimes offered lifts, but unless that person has to actually pass by my house I decline. Or if they are passing I offer petrol money or if that's refused insist on paying for lunch/coffe or whatever. It doesn't take me long to walk to where I usually meet friends for lunch, or if it's pissing down I get the bus.

I think people that expect lifts are in the minority - it just annoys people so they are likely to come on here and moan.

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 15:19:42

As far as I am aware, there hasn't been a single post about people expecting drivers to go miles out of their way. It's just horrible, petty mean spiritedness. "it's my car. I don't want you to get in it, you horrible, non driving person. Why, I might catch "poor" from you! Or even "environmental awareness" which would be even worse!" QUote

confused

Mandy2003 Tue 12-Feb-13 15:29:32

usualsuspect - I was going to post this thread when I saw the first moaning about giving lifts thread today. I don't drive but don't ask for lifts either.

Related to atthewelles quote - I know someone who bought a Smart car so she wouldn't be able to give lifts to two friends together. That really is mean IMO.

AmandaPayne Tue 12-Feb-13 15:37:56

I drive, and I only offer a lift if I actually want to give one. I can't stand all that 'fake offer/pretend refuse' stuff. If I don't want to offer, I don't. Forthright me.

That said, I rarely actually give lifts these days as I am a SAHM of children firmly still in car seats, and most of the places I go are with other mums and kids, so unless it has been planned in advance you can't give anyone a lift as they don't have the right seats, blah de blah de blah.

confusteling Tue 12-Feb-13 15:38:44

SamSmalaidh - tis £15 to get to next village and back, I'd far rather face the wrath of my Gran than fork out £15 for a two mile round trip!!

Jins Tue 12-Feb-13 15:40:55

If that's the only reason to buy a smart car then what a strange person. Most people just buy a car that meets their needs surely.

I've only got 4 seats in my car so when we're all in it there's no lifts possible. That wasn't the reason for buying it though - small, economical cars aren't big enough for more than four seats

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 15:43:01

I think Mandy that qualifies as downright weird, rather than mean.

Amanda Good for you. I admit I sometimes offer a lift while inwardly thinking "Oh please say you're not going straight home/are being collected by DH. I'm soooo tired and just want to go straight home and if I drop you I'll have to come off the main road and get stuck in that one way system but if I don't offer a lift I'll look so mean because I know to you it seems like only a ten minute diversion......"

Sorry non-drivers who hate being offered lifts when the driver doesn't mean it, but drivers are only human too and try to do the right thing even if we have a private moan about it afterwards.

Maryz Cote D'Ivoire Tue 12-Feb-13 15:47:48

I used to give a friend a lift a lot. I stopped one day after I overheard her complaining that I had refused to give her a lift home one day. Yes, I did refuse. Because I wasn't going home - I was going to visit my mother that day.

Apparently it was my fault that she didn't have a coat, because she expected me to be dropping her home, because I always did confused.

I don't believe you non-drivers have never met anyone like that. No more than I believe that there are no drivers who are precious about their cars and refuse to give anyone lifts anywhere.

There is wrong on both sides, you know <grumpy>

And I never take petrol money, btw. Especially not if I'm going anyway. It is nice if people offer to pay for the parking, or the tolls, or buy a coffee if it is a long journey.

JuliaSqueezer Tue 12-Feb-13 16:00:52

I don't think it's always the expectation of a lift that annoys drivers. In my case I really wouldn't mind giving a lift if I was going in the same direction anyway.

What does annoy me is when people expect me to drive rather than both/ all of us use public transport.
I've had more than one friend suggest a day out to another town or city for shopping, when I've responded "Oh yes that's a good idea, I'll find out the train times" all of a sudden they go off the idea.

One friend liked going to out-of-town restaurants but only if I was the designated driver, she wouldn't go if it meant getting a taxi.

I had to organise a Christmas 'do' in December, when choosing a restaurant I made sure it was on a main bus route. One woman said she wouldn't be coming because it was too much hassle to catch a bus, I said "Oh dear, that's a shame". For me to collect her and take her home would have been a sixteen mile trip. I listened while she told every other member of the group that she wouldn't be coming and eventually someone did offer her a lift...

It's not the lifts - it's the thought that I can just hop in a car that drives itself, knows where to go, doesn't mind getting stuck in traffic, and pays for itself.

I hardly ever get offered lifts (maybe i look dodgy!). I have no problem with it I normally get taxis since the buses never seem to go where I want. The only thing I take issue with is when family members organize parties/meals out which are miles and miles away from my house and then get really arsey with me when I say I cant come. I mean what exactly am I supposed to do fly? spend hours and hours on about 4 different buses? not eat for the rest of the week to pay for a taxi? what?

I have no problem not going tbh with some of them I am quite glad but I have actually stop speaking to me because I have refused invitations to trips out!

Also people who say why dont you just learn to drive and buy a car...well yeah I never thought of that confused they dont get that we dont have the money for lessons or a car so its a car ....or a house.

StickEmUp Tue 12-Feb-13 16:19:45

I want to know when driving became the default position.
I'm sure once upon a time legs and buses were more used.

I've only just learnt, well driving for 1.5 years including lesson time, I'm nearly 30, so thus far more of my life has been spent without a car.

dexter73 Tue 12-Feb-13 16:26:40

StickEmUp - we used the car a lot when I was little and never went on buses so for my parents driving was the default position 40 years ago.

Arseface Tue 12-Feb-13 16:28:45

I hate driving and feel it's very important for the DCs to walk/develop road sense/know how to use public transport etc so never accept lifts. We do live in an area well served by public transport and I have the car for emergencies but most drivers cannot seem to understand that we actually prefer walking.

Even in shitty weather (kids have all weather kit), The younger ones love splashing in puddles and the older like the chance to chat to me when they have my full attention.

If you don't/don't want to drive, don't go to places you can't get back from sensibly and have cab fare and numbers on you in case of an emergency.

If you drive and don't want to give a lift for what ever reason please don't offer. It is really not your job to ferry others around. Most non drivers are not expecting it. Those that are, are the entitled nightmares being ranted about.

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