To be a Non-Driver that doesn't expect lifts.

(101 Posts)
usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 14:03:37

Or am I a rarity?it would seem so reading all the moaning about giving people lifts threads on MN ATM.

Latara Tue 12-Feb-13 14:32:47

I don't drive because i have epilepsy which isn't well controlled.

The only people i ever request lifts from are my 2 best friends who i've known for 20 years so they're like sisters really.
& then only if they are driving my way anyway, plus i offer money & / or drinks.

Sometimes they expect me to get to places that no bus goes to (they both live in country towns) & i feel that they have no idea what it's like not to drive.
But i try to make an effort where possible.

I would love to be able to drive but it's just not likely that i will be able to.

Maryz Tue 12-Feb-13 14:32:48

I think it's akin to collecting children from school - you are collecting anyway, you are walking by their house, of course you don't mind getting your neighbours children.

BUT when it becomes a daily expectation, and one day you want to visit Granny, go the other way, let your child go to a club or to a friend's, or simply are in a bad mood and don't want extra children, and your neighbour is miffed that you won't get them because you always do and so she expects you to and has no other way of getting them.

That's when it's a problem.

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:38:05

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a1682385-I-must-have-a-very-very-unusual-car#37207877here

People who are arsy about giving lifts are really, really horrible, and I hope Karma gets them one day!

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:39:40

here

People who are arsey about giving lifts are ridiculous, and I hope Karma gets them one day!

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:40:06

I feel so strongly about this I posted twice!

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 14:40:49

I think drivers are getting an unfair press on here. No one is complaining about giving lifts or 'quietly seething' everytime they offer to drop someone home after pilates or whatever. The complaints are about the type of non driver who just assumes and expects that everyone will drive them around, takes it for granted that people are always prepared to go out of their way for them or seem completely oblivious to the fact when they are adding miles and maybe half an hour onto someone's journey. Obviously not all, or even most, non drivers are like this but enough of them are for it to be something drivers sometimes like to have a moan about.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 14:41:23

I just wanted to re-dress the balance a bit.

Us non-drivers get a hard time on MN.

I wouldn't want a lift from anyone now.

I'd be too scared they would start a thread on mumsnet about how entitled I am to expect a lift if I accepted.

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 14:43:12

I'm a driver, and I don't seethe about giving people lifts, but only if I've offered.

I wouldn't like it to be a daily expectation. I've known colleagues to offer someone a lift home once and then find that person waiting beside their car for them every afternoon saying 'well, you go past my house anyway'. Which wouldn't be so bad if they offered to contribute towards the cost or something, but to expect free transport day in and day out...

But, as I say, I know most non drivers don't do this. Its just that, like anything in life, the ones who do behave like this are the ones that people tend to remember.

Jins Tue 12-Feb-13 14:45:25

If someone has offered then there is no need to feel bad. Accept if you want to or don't if you'd rather not.

SamSmalaidh Tue 12-Feb-13 14:45:57

confusteling - it's not hard in that situation though, that's what taxis are for! I save loads of money not running a car, so can afford to take a taxi to places not covered by public transport.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 14:46:13

Me too Tantrums, it's a minefield.

Do they really want to give me a lift? or are they just saying it, and then they will moan about me afterwards.

Shall I accept? <wrings hands>

<catches bus>

Jins Tue 12-Feb-13 14:48:38

If I offer to give someone a lift then I won't seethe.

If it's not convenient then I don't offer

Sometimes karma works in your favour. I used to work in a homeless shelter and gave all the shift staff lifts home after (very dangerous time/area to be walking). I never expected money or presents. There was a very heavy snow and instead of crying and getting a cab I had three willing snow clearers and pushers out. Yay.

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:49:44

"I think drivers are getting an unfair press on here. No one is complaining about giving lifts or 'quietly seething' everytime they offer to drop someone home after pilates or whatever. The complaints are about the type of non driver who just assumes and expects that everyone will drive them around, takes it for granted that people are always prepared to go out of their way for them or seem completely oblivious to the fact when they are adding miles and maybe half an hour onto someone's journey. Obviously not all, or even most, non drivers are like this but enough of them are for it to be something drivers sometimes like to have a moan about."

As far as I am aware, there hasn't been a single post about people expecting drivers to go miles out of their way. It's just horrible, petty mean spiritedness. "it's my car. I don't want you to get in it, you horrible, non driving person. Why, I might catch "poor" from you! Or even "environmental awareness" which would be even worse!"

Tee2072 Tue 12-Feb-13 14:50:41

I actually turned down 2 lifts today.

Do I win a prize?

grin

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:52:09

Only the Self Righteous Cup.

Get in the car, woman, don't be such a twit!

Please accept lifts if I am offering - I have terrible environmental guilt about driving if I am on my own, I would much rather have at least one other person in the car with me sharing my carbon footprint!

Smellslikecatspee Tue 12-Feb-13 14:55:04

Me neither, only one I expect to give me a lft is OH and as I see it thats one of his jobs grin. He can swop it if he wants.

I do work with 2 people who live in the same town as me, I hid rather than accepting a lift, they're both lovely people, but if I take the train/bus and time it right my journey takes 20-25 minutes. A lift at peak time, at least 30 minutes, normally nearer 45. I can be home and in my PJs by then grin, but neither of them will accept that the train can be quicker.

Jins Tue 12-Feb-13 14:55:04

Oh I'm not bothered about catching poor or environmental awareness. I'm happy to offer lifts if it's convenient. However I decide what's convenient.

If that seems mean spirited then there's not much I can do about it

funkybuddah Tue 12-Feb-13 14:55:23

I accept them if repeatedly offered, I only ask very close friends for help every now and then and they dont mind.

I always offer petrol money even if its only a short distance and usually I preffer to get the bus.

So OP YANBU

Drivers should not offer lifts if they dont want to give it IMO

Do other non-driving females sometimes feel forced into accepting lifts even when refusing several times?
I grew up in London, I am used to walking reasonable distances, and I can take care of myself, even when walking after dark yet friends who are drivers really will not accept that I like to walk, even in the rain. Half the time I get lifts it's because I haven't the heart to keep refusing them.
Is it because I am a small woman, perhaps my friends think I'm vulnerable (I'm not).
I once had to pretend to go to the loo in a bar so I could sneak out of a pub to walk the half-mile home, instead of being forced by friends to get a cab home (I hate cabs, anyone could be driving, feel far safer walking).

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:57:15

"I always offer petrol money even if its only a short distance and usually I preffer to get the bus."

But why do you prefer to get the bus? WHY??????.

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 14:57:54

But sometimes non drivers do expect people to go out of their way. I used to have a friend who lived 30 miles away from me and thought nothing of asking me to give her a lift somewherehmm. And it wasn't just because we were close friends (which we were, at that time), she regularly asked people for lifts who didn't live anywhere near her, or who weren't going to where she was going. And then she would moan and bitch to me about how selfish they were to refuse to 'help her out'. When I refused to give her lifts it struck me that she was probably moaning to other people about me. Needless to say, we drifted apart.

seeker Tue 12-Feb-13 14:58:28

"Oh I'm not bothered about catching poor or environmental awareness. I'm happy to offer lifts if it's convenient. However I decide what's convenient.

If that seems mean spirited then there's not much I can do about it"

But if you're going the same way, how can it possibly be remotely inconvenient?

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