AIBU weddings and ds

(36 Posts)
yojojo1 Tue 12-Feb-13 11:58:44

I suspect, I may be BU but anyway….
Firstly I need to say that me and sil aren’t close, in fact she’s generally quite rude whenever we do see each other.
So bil and sil-2b are getting married this year, saw them at Xmas asked how plans were going etc etc all seemed very laid back.
I bought my ds an outfit to wear to the wedding, got it early as last year I wanted something similar and they sold out.
Saw bil and sil 2b in Jan, and they then said they would like to buy ds an outfit to wear to the wedding, it was pointed out that he would not be expected to do anything and he was not a pageboy (ds is 2) me and dh politely declined saying we’d already got him something to wear that he’d be comfortable in.
A week later mil emails and again mentions an outfit for ds, again we politely decline saying we already have something for him.
This week bil emails to say they’ve already bought him an outfit and that they want him to be pageboy. I’m really not sure ds would be any good as a pageboy, he’s in the terrible two’s and he likes to tantrum when he doesn’t get his own way (what 2yr old doesn’t!) and he’s super clingy to me, so not sure he will want to leave my side. I think it will be less distracting for the bride and groom to just have him as a guest.
Now am I BU by saying that I’d rather he wasn’t a pageboy and that he wears what me and dh have chosen for him?
Dh thinks we’re being a bit rude by saying no, but I feel they’re being rude by ignoring us when we politely declined and going ahead and buying the outfit.

GreenShadow Tue 12-Feb-13 20:33:36

Good to hear you've made a decision.

Hope the day goes well!

foslady Tue 12-Feb-13 20:29:55

Ebay your outfit and put it towards the begging poem the gift

Arithmeticulous Tue 12-Feb-13 19:25:43

Ah so the Octopus wins Round #1 grin

yojojo1 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:14:22

Thanks for all your responses, I did suspect that I was BU!
We have now decided that ds will wear what the bride and groom have chosen!
Thanks all smile

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Tue 12-Feb-13 15:47:06

Another YABU. (Sorry) I would go along with it and not worry about it. Take the original outfit for a spare.

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 15:20:36

'PFB vs Bridezilla. It's like Mega Shark v Giant Octopus'

grin

Op , just let him wear their outfit, it's no biggie really.

He will probably get his buffet all down it anyway. Then you can change him.

Dogsmom Tue 12-Feb-13 15:20:28

I'd say yanbu, it seems very odd that even after you telling them that you had bought an outfit that they twice said that they were buying him one and again ignored you.

It's also odd that they've just decided that he WILL be pageboy and bought an outift anyway, surely people ask first if the parents are ok with it and then the child is taken to try the outfit on?

GreenShadow Tue 12-Feb-13 15:15:11

It's their day. Let them have their way.

It's unfortunate that you have already bought him an outfit, but there are bigger issues to worry about and I really wouldn't make too much of a fuss.

TalkativeJim Tue 12-Feb-13 15:09:31

If they want a miniature Victorian pub landlord in their photographs, that's their call!

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Tue 12-Feb-13 14:44:40

I think YABabitU, it really shouldn't be this big of a problem to just go along with it. They don't sound very bridezilla-ey, they probably just want their nephew to have a small part in their day.

Shut up moaning and get on with it.

AmberLeaf Tue 12-Feb-13 14:36:38

What Scholes said.

ladymariner Tue 12-Feb-13 14:34:21

My godson was 2 and we wanted him as pageboy at our wedding. He wore a miniature version of the men's morning suits and he looked gorgeous. Not that you see him on any of the photos as no way did he want to be in them and so no way did we make him.....we knew as a toddler it would be touch and go whether he acted up or not but it was having him there that mattered to us, not whether he was actually 'being a pageboy'. He actually spent the first part of the service sitting on the steps to the pulpit and the second part sitting next to my mother who'd got a handbag stuffed with sweeties for just that reason.....

So yes I do think YABU, after all that grin

PFB vs Bridezilla. It's like Mega Shark v Giant Octopus

Sniggering at this grin

Narked Tue 12-Feb-13 14:10:10

I would try to go and see them in person or call them and explain that you are totally fine with your DS being a pageboy but that you felt it only fair to warn them that as he's two his behaviour is unpredictable and whilst he could be perfect he might also run wailing to you in the middle of the Dum Dum De Dums. And that you're very happy for him to wear their outfit. You'll bring your one as a backup as he may need a change of clothes.

Is it possible that they've been pressured into 'choosing' him by your MIL? So that they might think you were put out that they hadn't picked him?

catus Tue 12-Feb-13 14:05:15

YABU. I suspect you're letting your feelings for SIL cloud your judgement.
The facts are simple: they want your DS to be a pageboy, and bought him an outfit. I really don't see how you can say no without being rude.
At the end of the day, it's just an outfit.

hatsybatsy Tue 12-Feb-13 14:03:35

ds was a page boy for SIL when he was 23 months. he wore the outfit and was in some of the photos - the rest of the time he was running around and enjoying himself.surely no one is expecting anything more from a 2 year old wedding attendant?

as long as the outfit is comfortable and fits him, I'd go with it. You can take your outfit back and buy him something else.

LittleChimneyDroppings Tue 12-Feb-13 13:54:27

Let him wear the outfit and tell them that he probably wont join in anyway. But at least they can have the photos afterwards.

ratspeaker Tue 12-Feb-13 13:34:59

Could be someone else in the family been pressuring them to make your lad a page boy .Seems odd they didn't mention it before
If they've bought an outfit, dress him in that, smile through gritted teeth. It's their day. They may want a certain colour scheme.
I would email to say thank you for considering DS as a pageboy, he is a bit prone to the terrible twos at the moment, will they be OK with that. That gives them an "out" if indeed they're being pressured from elsewhere.

Keep your outfit to change him into when he gets muddy, spills juice, feels uncomfortable

Goldmandra Tue 12-Feb-13 13:32:38

Just say "OK. We'll give it a try."

Make it clear that if he doesn't want to wear the outfit or perform any of the Pageboy duties you won't be trying to make him.

You can dress him in their outfit and leave it on him as long as he's happy. Have your alternative available at all times if you think he will kick off about it.

Make much of him being grown up and being able to show everyone how smart he is by walking with xxxx in the church.

Constantly reinforce to all concerned that you would much prefer a happy child on the day than one who is tantruming because of the clothes he is wearing and the demands people are putting on him. Therefore you will be keeping him with you and letting him change if he wants to.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 12-Feb-13 13:29:01

PFB vs Bridezilla. It's like Mega Shark v Giant Octopus grin

Pandemoniaa Tue 12-Feb-13 13:24:11

It sounds like they've been fairly indecisive about things but if they want your ds to be pageboy it'd be a bit churlish to say no just because you want him to wear the outfit you bought.

So I'd be inclined to agree with their plans but warn them that you can't guarantee he'll perform on the day. But then you'd hope they would have realised that 2 year olds will almost always make unreliable pageboys.

I'd also be surprised if he doesn't need two outfits on the day anyway but equally, don't fight a pointless battle over something as trivial as what he wears.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 12-Feb-13 13:21:48

I say yanbu. If it was always the intention for him to be part of the wedding, then I'd say fair enough for them to choose his outfit. But that isn't what happened.

I think you have already politely declined and now they should stop trying to insist on having their own way - it might be their wedding, but ds is your child. It is up to the parents to choose what their kids wear, not the bride and groom. Are they going to start telling the rest of the guests what to wear too?

I think this is a bit of a power struggle, played out in a passive aggressive way (by pretending they now want him to be a page boy, when previously they did not). Given that the bride is generally rude to you, I would do as I had always intended and politely decline on the grounds that ds is clingy and too young.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 12-Feb-13 13:19:39

I think it's nice they want him to have a part in their day, go with it.

pluCaChange Tue 12-Feb-13 13:10:39

Will they be more angry and disappointed, though, if on the day DS refuses to wear the outfit or be a pageboy or, indeed, to stop screaming/ running?

The best tip I got from the Baby Whisperer was something like: "Try not to put your child in a situation s/he can't handle." Meanwhile, if your ILs are being this stubborn already, imagine their meltdown if their plan goes to hell on the very day of their wedding!

If you really doubt your DS will behave as they want (also, remember, possibly hungry and hopped up on the effects of lots of attention), it's best to get out of it now, perhaps using their outfit as a compromise.

Use your judgement, as you know him best.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 12-Feb-13 12:45:53

MIL will be in your life a long time so for DH's sake, tolerate the bride and BIL's whims, let DS be pageboy and take along your outfit for DS as a spare. Otherwise this will rumble on and however bridezilla your STBSil, you'll cop the blame.

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