I have nc because I'm ashamed.
My lovely lovely 8YO DS who is an absolutely delightful bright happy kind and sensitive boy is ever so slightly clumsy. He drops things and spills liquids, not on purpose. I am an impatient person and it takes a lot of conscious effort for me not to get angry when this happens.
This morning I put a glass of milk in front of him and kind of joked 'be extra careful not to spill it'; as I reached the sink he was already behind me grabbing a cloth. Not a word said. I turn around and followed him to the table to see the milk spilled all over the table.
I lost it. Oh my god how I lost it. I went on and on about I expected better of him as he wasn't a 2 year old anymore. I was purely and simply NASTY and even though I knew it at the time, I just couldn't stop. I went on for about 2 minutes, just throwing vitriol at him and being disproportionately angry. I told him he wouldn't get his computer time that day as punishment because I had had enough.
I am so sad I did that to him and so ashamed I haven't stopped crying all morning. I really couldn't wish for a better son so why do I treat him like this?? I was vile, really vile. I wasn't physical except I did shove him out of my way and snatched the cloth off his hands to wipe the milk myself.
He apologised very sincerely. About 20 minutes later I apologised to him and I said that my reaction was ridiculous and that I shouldn't have spoken to him the way I did. I told him of course he wasn't punished and he would get his computer time because he had done nothing wrong. He just said 'it's okay mummy'.
But I know it's not okay. It's over now and I did apologise but I feel so awful that this could be one of his memories of me when he grows up. I just wish I could erase it but I can't.
Do you react like this sometimes or is it just me?
I want to write a short card of apology to him so that he knows I'm truly sorry and that he did nothing wrong. Is this a good idea you think?
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to want to apologise to my son
66 replies
WTFisWrongWithMe · 12/02/2013 11:12
OP posts:
Maryz ·
12/02/2013 12:23
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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