to not know what unconditional parenting is?!

(853 Posts)
GirlOutNumbered Mon 11-Feb-13 20:54:19

Just read it on a thread. I have no idea what this is?

TheYamiOfYawn Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:01

It's actually pretty sensible, although hard to do. Be genuinely interested in what your child does and says, base discipline on empathy and morality and help them to find their own solutions to problems.

I like a lot of the ideas, and the book has certainly shaped the way I do things, but I'm too impatient to do it all.

Also, I think that the book is in many ways a reaction to a culture of childrearing and doesn't make as much sense in the UK.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:43

I kind of do EC, purely by accident really and because both my boys make such a big show of pooing it would be silly to ignore it!

Pandemoniaa Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:57

Rewards don't have to involve biscuits although admittedly, I'll always accept a biscuit!

You can praise positively without getting Pavlovian but I have to say that all the unconditionally parented children I knew were bordering on the wild. Admittedly it's down to parental interpretation but from watching them grow up, their lack of "conditioning" didn't always help them cope particularly well with social situations.

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 11:52:58

is you want your child to be self motivated and proud of themselves when they achieve

I did that with mine does that mean i parented uncoditionally (sp) grin

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 11:53:34

but they did like whos a good girl and a biscuit though I did rub their tummies like I do the dog though wink

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 11:54:21

I didn't*

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 11:55:03

It's actually pretty sensible, although hard to do. Be genuinely interested in what your child does and says, base discipline on empathy and morality and help them to find their own solutions to problems.

I did this too doesn't most parents parent like that confused

wreckedone Tue 12-Feb-13 11:55:14

My lad is proud of himself, because he knows I'm proud of him. I have friends who would describe themselves as UP, I would say they aren't - their children run wild, with no boundaries, no consequences and no respect and are complete brats.

Elimination communication is basically what you do when potty training - ie: spotting when your DC is about to wet themselves and throwing them onto a potty so yu can jump about and reward them with a smartie. But you do it from birth. And you don't reward it with a smartie.

FlouncingMintyy Tue 12-Feb-13 11:57:24

Its something you can do if you have lots of time and patience and only one child.

GirlOutNumbered Tue 12-Feb-13 11:58:18

So really UP is just a fancy name for what alot of people do anyway, but now it has a book and is making money...
A bit like (dare I Say it) BLW?

I 'unconditionally' parent.

I parent my DC when they are a PITA, when they don't appreciate me, and when I would much rather be doing other things - or doing nothing at all smile

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 12:01:14

I wouldn't trust any child to set their own boundries I know teenagers who were raised with none and tbh they are really unpleasant kids and I hate saying that but it is true they are bossy entitled and selfish that sounds like most teens but I know what im on about confused

JenaiMorris Tue 12-Feb-13 12:01:23

I have a friend who once told me she practises UP and that she believed in never denying her child, but seeing as she only allowed him to snack on rice cakes whilst all around were scoffing icecream I'm not sure I believed her. He's turned out quite odd, but that could have happened anyway.

I think UP gets people's backs up because the insinuation is (or rather can be) that if you don't follow it, you're a bullying tyrant who doesn't love their child enough. A bit like BLW - if you don't do that you're shoving spoons of purée into your pour babe's mouth against their will.

JenaiMorris Tue 12-Feb-13 12:02:04

POOR babe's mouth.

Maryz Tue 12-Feb-13 12:03:50

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IneedAsockamnesty Tue 12-Feb-13 12:04:11

You don't not discipline but you do use information and education as discipline on a continuous basis.

You don't punish or reward they are both different to discipline

Maryz Tue 12-Feb-13 12:05:16

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wreckedone Tue 12-Feb-13 12:05:51

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mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 12:06:25

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Katnisscupcake Tue 12-Feb-13 12:07:30

I would be interested to see how/whether it is/can be continued through pre-school and school... Certainly at DD's pre-school they get gold star stickers or equivalent when they've done well at numbers/letters etc. Would those Children who have been UC parented wonder why they aren't getting one? Maybe think they haven't been good enough and therefore won't be proud of themselves? Alternatively, if they were given one, would that partially undo the UC parenting that they've been brought up with? hmm

Having said that, this post could be irrelevant as I don't know enough about it really...

Maryz Tue 12-Feb-13 12:08:59

No, no don't. That would be unfair. I only noticed it in active, but there's no point in ranting "ffs, you are a loon" at the op, she is doing her best.

I have yet to meet an unconditionalparenter who has continued into teenagerhood. Though I suppose if you had naturally and happily compliant children it might work well, maybe?

wreckedone Tue 12-Feb-13 12:09:35

All the UP'ers I know home educate so they can avoid school routines and reward/punishment systems.

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Maryz Tue 12-Feb-13 12:12:37

Yes, wewere.

I honestly don't understand how you can UP properly if you have more than one child.

Because you can't let them all self-discipline, and work to all their timetables, and allow them all to made the decisions. There must be clashes and they must all have to compromise in some way confused.

I suspect you UP your eldest and the others fit around them.

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