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AIBU?

AIBU to think i shouldnt have to live with this?

19 replies

Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:10

Before I begin I just wanted to say I AM a teenager! I came here for advice because I have no one else to talk to so please don't flame me.I amn't a troll either!

Basically, My DF has smoked weed since before I was born and smokes it everyday.I'm 15 with two younger siblings aged 4 and 9.I don't mind that he smokes it in general just the fact that he smokes it around us in the house and I think it is the reason he gets quite aggressive with me and my sisters at times or maybe hes like this as a person? I have told my Mam this but she has done nothing about it and probably doesnt plan on doing so either.I also don't like how he tries to make a joke how hes "cool" for smoking it and tries to make me tell my friends he can roll better joints than them etc.I just want to move out and move into my grandmothers, i have my own room there and it is the area my friends live in but my DM won't hear of it.Am i being unreasonable to think I shouldn't have to live with someone who smokes weed everyday around children?

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manicbmc · 10/02/2013 23:17

You poor bugger.

He's not big and he's not clever and good for you for knowing that.

If you think you'd be happier with your GM and she is willing to have you, it's may be worth talking about it.

HollyBerryBush · 10/02/2013 23:19

You will have a child protection officer at school - you can request to go into care you know if your home life is that vulnerable. I've been party to this in a professional capacity.

Laradaclara · 10/02/2013 23:24

YANBU and being aggressive doesn't sound good either :(
You say you don't have anyone in real life you can talk to but what does your grandmother have to say. It sounds like you get on well with her.

Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:26

Manicbmc- I have tried talking to her about it she is more than willing to have me but I feel like i'd be too much of a burden on her things would be so much easier if i lived there though.

HollyBerryBush- I've considered that but I also have to consider my two other siblings i dont want to destroy my family anytime i've complained about him he has found out and gone CRAZY.

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ApocalypseThen · 10/02/2013 23:27

Weird, immature man. You're not being unreasonable in any sense.

Get on to your grandmother and get her to sort her son out.

Laradaclara · 10/02/2013 23:27

And what HollyBerryBush said. You should also know that being in care doesn't mean you would necessarily be put with strangers or couldnt have contact with your family if that were safe, social services would look to see if there were suitable family members first and it sounds like your grandmother would be willing.

Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:28

Laradaclara- My grandmother constantly asks me if i want her to say something but i know he will stop me having as much contact with her and will be so aggressive and angry towards me.I go to her house everyday and stay there a few nights a week.

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Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:31

Apocalypse-Its my DM's mother who is my grandmother both DF's parents are dead. Sorry for dripfeeding but i forgot to add in, a few months ago he had friends over and i walked out during the night and two of the friends had been doing cocaine on the counter complained to my mam she apologised numerous times for it said they wouldnt be allowed back over. Then two weeks ago i was looking through my dads "tin" where he keeps his stuff and i found a little black bag twisted up, unravvelled in and there was coke in it Never had any evidence of him doing it before that though.

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manicbmc · 10/02/2013 23:31

If you do it officially, then your GM will get child benefit and possibly other benefits.

ApocalypseThen · 10/02/2013 23:35

Sweetnothing, if that's the case, ring social welfare. It seems like you're the most responsible adult in the house, and your father's rages do sound more like cocaine. You can't let that go on for your siblings, and it sounds like you've done everything you can do deal with it at home.

Can you maybe tell a teacher or a doctor first?

HollyBerryBush · 10/02/2013 23:36

You can make an anonymous call to Social Services though.

Frankly it isnt a safe environment, with the drugs alone, let alone strangers snorting it up as well.

It's difficult for you because you will have emotions and ties to both your mum and siblings, but I would probably go through school channels and ask to be placed with your GM

Laradaclara · 10/02/2013 23:39

Oh dear. :(
Do you feel your sisters are in danger from him? If so then the best way you can protect them too is by seeking help. I can understand why you don't want to ask for help but its not you causing trouble or destroying your family, it's your Dad thats doing that.
I also think that your grandmother is more than able to make her own mind up about whether she can manage and it sounds like she can so I would try not to worry about that.

Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:41

Think i will tell my GM tomorrow about the bag i found.

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Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:44

I find he's not been aggressive with me for a while as i stay out of the house as much as i can but with my sisters he will smack them or shove them if they are being "bold" and has dragged them down to their rooms by the arm on numerous occasions, including the 4 y.o. He roars alot too and has told us all plenty of times hes "going to break our necks" if we are acting up.

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manicbmc · 10/02/2013 23:44

Do you think your mum is afraid of him and this is why she hasn't dealt with it? If you think this is the case may be talking to a teacher would be best as they might be able to help your mum (and the other kids) to get away from this vile man.

Sweetnothing · 10/02/2013 23:49

Manicbmc- tbh i dont think she is afraid of him at all she just thinks we need to get used to it.Another thing, when i have told GM things and she has said something to my parents they act nice as pie to her on the phone then they will come to me and argue with me and ask why i have told GM as it is "none of her business"

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manicbmc · 10/02/2013 23:51

She needs to put her kids first. I really think you need to speak to a teacher, or head of year.

ApocalypseThen · 10/02/2013 23:52

Well, it's physically and emotionally abusive and none of you has to get used to it.

Please find help for yourself, and if you're doing it through your grandmother, ask her not to tell those two twits that you've been talking to her. Explain that they're both unstable.

You don't have to tolerate this.

mummymeister · 11/02/2013 00:01

your mum isnt putting you or her kids first, your dad sure as hell isnt so you need to put you first and you need to do it soon. sounds like his drug use is changing and he is taking harder drugs now so please please do something positive asap. go to your grandmothers, tell her what has happened, tell the school, tell social services, get yourself out of harms way. this is appalling behaviour by both of your parents. things are not just going to magically get better and unfortunately it falls on you even though you are a child yourself to get this sorted out. please please dont just stay there for the sake of your siblings. moving out might shock your mum into action and should certainly ring a few bells at SS. too many of us hang on thinking it will improve, not wanting to rock the boat, not wanting to cause upset with our parents but this is the worst thing that you can do right now. i am really worried for you OP. I am so sorry that there are some adults out there with kids who are so selfish put yourself first tomorrow, dont leave it any longer.

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