to laugh at parents who try to reason with a toddler having a tantrum?

(214 Posts)
stradbally Sun 10-Feb-13 15:15:00

Mummy: "It's time to leave the park now DS/DD, I did say 20 minutes and you've had 25, and we have to go to Tesco on the way home to buy yummy food for dinner, so please get in the buggy, you can see Millie/Billy tomorrow, say bye bye now etc etc ......."

DS/DD: "Waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaa waaaaaaaa while rolling on the ground or doing that running on the spot thing

Mummy, in weird uber-controlled voice: I understand you're tired and playing in the park is lots of fun but we do want lovely dinner don't we, so please get in the buggy etc etc on and on..........

DS/DD: Waaaaaa waaaaaa waaaaaaa

I see it all the time, it's hilarious. I'm all for talking properly to children and explaining things etc, but seriously when they're in that state it won't go in! Just pick them up, quick cuddle, plonk them in the buggy and go!

Goldenbear Tue 12-Feb-13 10:42:40

It does your ed in does it or is it all in your head, you know made up, stereotyping BOLLOX!

Ajobforlife Mon 11-Feb-13 21:48:39

Its not the screaming kids that 'do my head in.' its the VERY LOUD wishy washy voice of the mothers. 'Dont do that darling,' ' Your making mummy sad.' 'Mummy doesn't like being sad,' 'Mummys sorry but we have to buy some dinner or daddy will be sad' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are these people real!!!! The only person in the shop that CAN'T hear them is the screaming child!!

Gosh isn't MN just throbbing with passive aggression at the minute?

FitzgeraldProtagonist Mon 11-Feb-13 18:41:40

For all thse who want to know how to pick up toddler raging-like a surfboard is my best advice.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 17:02:40

Golden I do often pat myself on the back. I was worried all the years and now we are at the end and we can relax. Thanks for your support and encouragement. I am glad I could help you.

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 16:58:59

Thanks for that pearl of wisdom Pam. Yes, yes, you could patting yourself on the back for the great job you've done.

PessaryPam Mon 11-Feb-13 16:36:48

Oh well who cares if other have a totally shite time dealing with tantrumming toddlers, just fill your boots. But other older Mums can say they didn't do this and everyone ended up happier. Cue the older ones who were oddball in those days to raise their heads here grin

BigAudioDynamite Mon 11-Feb-13 13:49:06

I'm really confused by this..... goldenbears approach is the closest to unconditional parenting, on this thread. It is normally patents with that approach who accuse the parents who don't do extended reasoning, of causing emotional damage....confused

Ds is normally to busy throwing himself around and screeching to catch me giving him the look socialclimber grin when he's about to do something troublesome and looks at me that's when the look works.

LaQueen Mon 11-Feb-13 13:20:45

I think many parents genuinely get very anxious/panicked by their child's tantrum, and they feel also feel embarrassed.

I also think, that very often the same parents are very reluctant to exert any authority over their own tantruming toddler, and in fact find it almost impossible to do so.

I have witnessed this many times with my MIL - when her grand children started to tantrum, she would completely panic herself and be incapable of dealing with them.

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 13:15:23

The above post was in response to Apocalpyse.

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 13:12:59

I think your understanding of what constitutes extraordinarily rude is pretty wide of the mark. My response was to your very rude post where you said the flowing:

' I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP. I don't know how many times I've seen pathetic and ineffectual parents attempt to reason/negotiate with a toddler who is actually more skilled at negotiation than the parent. That can be hilarious. The parent threatens to take sweets off the menu if some behaviour or other doesn't stop, behaviour doesn't stop, sweets are off the menu till the child puts them back on by refusing to apologise until sweets are reinstated.

P.A. thetic. And hilarious for the bystander.'

I've not undertaken to create any false image of myself on this thread. I was accused of damaging my DC with my approach, akin to the damage talked about on the Stately Homes threads all after my first post! Do you not think i'm going to protest at being referred to this thread??

MrsWolowitzerables Mon 11-Feb-13 13:11:42

I have 3 DC. A 4 yo and 2 yo DTs so tantrums are something I'm very familiar with at the moment!

Sometimes I reason with them. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I scoop them up and carry them as I don't have time to reason as one if the others is wondering off or starting a tantrum

Meh. It's a struggle sometimes but we're all just muffling through and trying to do our best so in response to the OP yes YABVU to laugh at people trying to reason with a tantruming toddler. So what if its not what you do, it's hardly comedy gold seeing a parent struggling.

MrsBethel Mon 11-Feb-13 13:06:34

golden

I'm all for the talking. Whenever I give the kids 'the look' as social describes it, I always have a chat with them about it once they've calmed down.

My mum sounds quite like yours. She didn't "do" authority either, but still the best mum ever IMO.

forevergreek Mon 11-Feb-13 13:04:04

I agree too with golden.
I don't want to spend my life shouting and being authorities. Yes I'm the adult but does that mean I'm always right? Of course not

Children copy behaviour and I wouldn't want them thinking they can push people around and order them to do things.

forevergreek Mon 11-Feb-13 13:02:29

I agree too with g

ApocalypseThen Mon 11-Feb-13 12:59:40

Apocolaypse sorry but I'm not sure you can take some moral high ground when you were very offensive indeed,

Goldenbear. I did not address you directly until you decided to passively-aggressively attack me by saying that you're glad to not be like me. That was extraordinarily rude. I'm not painting myself as a victim, I'm very clearly saying that your conception of yourself and your role in this thread is very wide of the mark.

And yes, I do think that parents who negotiate with children who are better at negotiation than them are pathetic.

grin

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 12:53:36

This is a very rare moment for me Babies- being agreed with on Mumsnet, I might have to print this off and frame it!

SocialClimber Mon 11-Feb-13 12:52:53

The Look. You all need to learn The Look.

Never failed me in 10 years.

golden I'm linking arms with you. Some push authority, I have my moments. It is sometimes appropriate, road safety, treatment of little babies etc. but kids learn by mimicking, so showing, respect, kindness & coaching them rather than ordering them breeds this type of behaviours. I want my child to be kind and respectful.

If I don't show them this they risk feeling frustrated & disenfranchised, becoming bossy so & sos who push people around to get their own way.

I would reason, give a chance, warn what would happen, the enforce. If appropriate that would be pick up & carry off/strap in, but nothing wrong with showing respect & giving a chance to calm down first.

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 12:40:48

Apocolaypse sorry but I'm not sure you can take some moral high ground when you were very offensive indeed, calling people that do things differently to you, 'pathetic' . I'm not intidmidated by aggressive name calling so you turn it on its head and make out you're some kind of victim because you clearly can't cope with people questioning your attitude.

Goldenbear Mon 11-Feb-13 12:31:37

'MrsBethel*, I think that is a bit dramatic. I parent talking to a child- 'the horror, the horror.'

My parents didn't really 'do authority', well in the sense that they didn't want us to not question anything. We both turned out fine - we have a conscience, well adjusted etc. My mum only insisted on us behaving kindly. She was a teacher and I know she was very kind to her pupils in her special needs class- some of whom had very difficult backgrounds. We lived quite near to where she worked and ex pupils would come up to her to say hello and ask how she was as she was clearly thought of fondly and remembered for the kindness she had shown.

ApocalypseThen Mon 11-Feb-13 12:23:20

Er Actually Pam no I was not.

You most certainly did.

whimsicalmess Mon 11-Feb-13 11:56:55

I sort of agree with you, when a child is in the that level of rage, which is exactly what it is, like a raging adult you can't reason with them.

What I do is calmly state my point firstly, then pick them up if needed.

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