to laugh at parents who try to reason with a toddler having a tantrum?

(214 Posts)
stradbally Sun 10-Feb-13 15:15:00

Mummy: "It's time to leave the park now DS/DD, I did say 20 minutes and you've had 25, and we have to go to Tesco on the way home to buy yummy food for dinner, so please get in the buggy, you can see Millie/Billy tomorrow, say bye bye now etc etc ......."

DS/DD: "Waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaa waaaaaaaa while rolling on the ground or doing that running on the spot thing

Mummy, in weird uber-controlled voice: I understand you're tired and playing in the park is lots of fun but we do want lovely dinner don't we, so please get in the buggy etc etc on and on..........

DS/DD: Waaaaaa waaaaaa waaaaaaa

I see it all the time, it's hilarious. I'm all for talking properly to children and explaining things etc, but seriously when they're in that state it won't go in! Just pick them up, quick cuddle, plonk them in the buggy and go!

Yes. How voyeuristic. <eye roll>

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Feb-13 16:06:24

I tend to agree Golden I try not to do anything to my ds's that I wouldn't do to a teen or adult.
If I told dp it was time to leave somewhere and he refused, I wouldn't pick him up and carry him out, I would explain why we needed to go, and if he still refused, I would call him a prat leave alone.
Obviously can't do that with a 3 and 5 year old. I cannot explain that we need to go to Tesco (or wherever) to buy dinner, have them still refuse and then leave without them, so at times something else needs to happen.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Sun 10-Feb-13 16:08:04

Oh I love a good toddler tantrum! When DS kicks off I do the whole "come on DS, we're going to do this now", it never works so I always have to grab him and wrestle him in to the pushchair. I'm actually quite skilled at it now, DP says its a work of art how I get him in and buckled up, then walk off with him with a big smile on my face grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 10-Feb-13 16:08:52

Bless her Phil smile

My DD is 4 now, so its much easier to explain things, but she has always been very good at making choices. Although my mum thought it was weird that i would allow my DD to make her own choices hmm

nickelbabe Sun 10-Feb-13 16:09:00

I thought the sarah joke was good.

anyway. dd is 14mo and jyst started doing the fucking plank.

here's my qyestion to pram manufacturers:
wgy oh why can you not make 5 point harnesses that do the seat up first and then you can attach the shoulder straps????
it would be much easier to slide a pkank child into the seat straps and then attach the shoulders than the current trying to get shoulder and waist straps hooked into the clip whilst trying to bend a plank.

were they designed by people who have never had a child?!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 10-Feb-13 16:10:23

Sorry silver but i'm grin at the typo.

JugsMcGee Sun 10-Feb-13 16:10:56

You laugh? Lovely.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 10-Feb-13 16:11:12

Oh, just realised it wasn't a typo blush Still made me laugh.

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Feb-13 16:13:40

puds I was confused what bit are you talking about? smile

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 10-Feb-13 16:15:40

The DP bit. I thought you had put it by accident and it was supposed to be DS, but on closer inspection it transpired that im a tit grin

LaQueen Sun 10-Feb-13 16:17:12

Have to confess that I think it a bit pointless, when you see parents explaining at great length and trying to apply reasoning and logical points of view to a 2 year old, who is in total melt-down.

I know they're incredibly well-intentioned...but, it's just that, well...the 2 year old only understands about one word in seven...and as for the logic/reasoning bit, well - their brains just haven't developed to that stage, yet.

RagamuffinAndFidget Sun 10-Feb-13 16:20:44

We don't have a buggy, stopped using it when DS1 was about 6mo, and DS2 (18mo) has never been in one. I do use slings but there's no fecking way I'm wrapping a tantrumming toddler on my back so he can kick me in the ribs all the way home! So what would you suggest I do OP?

Love the Sarah joke grin

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Feb-13 16:21:22

grin puds
LaQueen Absolutely. I tend to reason for my own sake and sanity rather than fror the ds's. It's my way of saying something out loud to make sure I'm not BU IYKWIM.
But, for me, the issue with this thread and the OP is not how you choose to handle tantrums and the like, but that someone was smug enough to post about how they laugh at it.
Rude, judgemental and nasty IMO.

forevergreek Sun 10-Feb-13 16:23:20

i wouldnt have a buggy with me either. we v v rarely get tantrums and i believe it is because we explain things as we go along rather than just strapping them in and ignoring. many people dont use a buggy over say 2 years.

toffeelolly Sun 10-Feb-13 16:24:07

OH we cannot all be GREAT parent's like you. your children are so lucky to have a great parent like you !

MmeLindor Sun 10-Feb-13 16:24:30

grin at Pipi's joke.

op you clearly have a different sense of humour to me - when I see a tantrumming toddler with a parent desperately trying to communicate with them I wince with recognition. Talking through what you are doing and why is natural surely? I would have gone insane al2ays having to silently drag my screaming or sobbing child out of a park/ back into a shop/ away from a toy etc. for the benefit of judgemental witnesses. My children learned that I was in charge and that there was a reason for doing things and it is part of a process, toddlers understand more than they can express as they grow up they can be reasoned with.

As far as teaching children that their behaviour effects the emotions of others - Surely as young children are not blessed with much empathy, part of the parents role is helping children to understand that for e, g. breaking little Johnny's toy will make him sad confused ??? Knowing that your actions effect the feelings of others is important, teaching children that is not abusive or am I missing something?

Goldenbear Sun 10-Feb-13 16:31:53

Yes it's the same with DD, I have explained things in black and white terms ( apparently in doing so I will be the subject of a thread on 'stately homes' in 20 years time) and the tantrums and upset are a lot less than with DS who is 6 in June and being my first I didn't have the foresight to do certain things like encourage an understanding of happy/sad, going somewhere/ leaving somewhere. Obviously, my personal experience but it works for me and I don't believe I'm doing any long term damage in TALKING to my child FFs!

LaQueen Sun 10-Feb-13 16:33:13

Silver I would never be so crass as to openly laugh/smirk...but mentally, I'd probably shrug, and think 'Bless you...but you're wasting your time.'

Our Dds weren't given to tantrums, and I can only really recall DD2 indulging in one, in a pub outside Cirencester. She'd be about 2, and DH sneaked a chip off her plate - and she totally lost it, howls of rage etc.

I think I unstrapped her from the hi-chair, and carried her outside to the pub garden, and then watched in dumbfounded amusement as she literally danced up and down on the spot in temper grin

marriedinwhite Sun 10-Feb-13 16:33:22

Sorry. I agree with the OP. We need to go in five minutes. We need to go in two minutes. We need to go in one minute. We are going now it's time to go and get in the buggy. No: 1...... 2...... 3........ Pick up, put in buggy, strap in buggy kicking and screaming - continue with one's original plans - ignoring all the time.

Mine didn't tantrum more than once or twice.

Goldenbear Sun 10-Feb-13 16:34:46

Yes exactly bigmouth, I'm unsure why its being suggested I'm abusive in teaching sad/happy.

splashymcsplash Sun 10-Feb-13 16:35:40

You aren't necessarily wrong, but op I think people resent your tone.

I try to ignore dd if she is kicking off, but sometimes I feel I need to say something for the benefit of other people. (so they don't think me a terrible mother who ignores her child's bad behavior). This is the case mostly on the bus, where my dd delights in screaming and kicking, and people love to give me disapproving looks sad

Goldenbear Sun 10-Feb-13 16:36:50

If it works for me how am I wasting my time- I'm saving time surely?

There are a million reasons for not doing the things they do. NOT that it makes mummy sad.

Yes, if you steal little Johnnys toy that will make him sad. But if you want a toy and tantrum because you cant have it, that doesnt make mummy sad. Well it shouldnt.

Our children should never be made to feel responsible for our happiness.

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Feb-13 16:43:05

LaQueen Just wrote out a reply, but somehow managed to shut my laptop down. tut.
Anyway, yes, I agree, I compare what i do to what I see others do and sometimes think 'just pick him up and go' or 'ignore him' or something, but I wouldn't find it hilarious as the OP stated. I think it's normal to compare what we see to ourselves and to have that inner voice comment on it, but we all have different ways and different reasons for what we do.
My ds's were and are massive tantrumers. The situation will dictate how I deal with it. i ignore if I can, but generally I like to be near them, not talking when it's bad, but personally I don't like the rejection of sending them to rooms, ignoring completely etc. But that's me.
I also change my mind about what I think is best quite a lot and am aware that this confuses the dc's and the inconsistency doesn't do us any favours.

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