Housekeeping and housework

(132 Posts)
grumpo Sat 09-Feb-13 15:23:58

To set the scene, I have a fulltime job, my DP does not work. My working hours are quite long and I normally don't get home before 7PM. I often have to work at home and at weekends.

I give DP £500 a month "housekeeping" (plus she gets the full child allowance). She does not pay any bills, I pay for the main weekly shop (which we do together) and I normally pay for any other items for the house. She will buy bread and other odd items during the week, the rest she spends on herself. Do people think £500 is reasonable, to much, too little?

Our house probably cannot be described as being tidy. It is cluttered and I've tried to clear a lot of my stuff up, to try and set a good example. However, she shows no interest in tidying. The vacuum cleaner rarely gets used (only after arguments and never upstairs unless I do it), the fridge rarely has its contents removed to be thoroughly cleaned (unless I do it, when I'm told she was just about to do it), the oven is never cleaned (unless I do it), cobwebs, grease all over the kitchen, etc. etc. Mentioning this and asking if she could do a bit more leads to an argument, which makes me feel bad and that I'm being unreasonable (which I may be?).

I'm thinking about getting a cleaner regularily but this is expensive and I'm not sure that's going to work with DP.

At the moment, I just try and accept it but it makes me depressed, especially when I see other homes. I don't want it to be pristine, a bit cluttered and chaotic but hygienic is fine.

AIBU?

orangeandlemons Sat 09-Feb-13 19:53:09

I have artistic ability. I would love to indulge myself in it all day. However we ca't live on the £20.00 per month it would bring in, so no can do. I have to go to work instead. I wish someone would support me financially ad offer to invest in my business.

I think she is taking the p. It is easy to clean a house from top to bottom in much less than 6 hours.

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 19:54:03

Ok, fine.

Have her flogged.

redskyatnight Sat 09-Feb-13 19:56:54

I hate to bring up the WOHM/SAHM thing.
But.

I do all the washing.
I do all the cooking during the week (and make packed lunches).

I work full time.

Doing all the washing and cooking hardly takes most of the day.

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 20:01:36

We all work.

I have a job outside of the home, too.

I have to squeeze all the laundry into the weekend which is why I can quantify it so accurately.

I probably need flogging for taking so long about it. And for chopping all that allotment food up, so we can live within our means.

Locketjuice Sat 09-Feb-13 20:09:00

If she wants to stay at home and I completely agree she should be doing the majority of cleaning and not expect you to when you come in but if you do be a bonus?

BsshBossh Sat 09-Feb-13 20:25:37

YANBU. But surely she must have been like this right from the beginning of your relationship. Why is it bothering you now? I doubt she's going to change.

fluffypillow Sat 09-Feb-13 20:30:49

YANBU. She is being lazy and taking advantage of you.

FlouncingMintyy Sat 09-Feb-13 20:44:04

"washing does not take long at all" - have to disagree there. Washing is the bane of my (mainly sahm) life. I don't think it is helpful to minimise the contribution made by someone who does 100% of the family washing and cooking.

Where I actually have a lot of sympathy the or is that he wants someone to share the earning of the family money. As they now have one mid-teen dc, then there is no real reason why his dp should not be earning some sort of proper income.

But if she were to work full time, then he would need to share all household chores more or less equally, including washing and cooking, for it to be fair.

FlouncingMintyy Sat 09-Feb-13 20:45:22

Are you single redskyatnight?

Arisbottle Sat 09-Feb-13 21:02:28

The washing machine may spin round for an hour but that does not mean that you are actually slaving away for those hours.

I have a family of six sometimes seven to wash for, can't imagine it takes ten hours. I gather clothes - 5 minutes. Put them in a machine and press a button .

whois Sat 09-Feb-13 21:08:15

Oh my god OP your wife is taking the piss!

Stays at home indulging in her art hobby, one teen DC, does the washing and the cooking but no cleaning? I call lazy cow. I can't believe people are defending her! If this was a woman posting it would be all "LTB" and "clock lodger"

£500 disposble income a month is pretty decent if its just to fritter away and not for food shopping, savings, holidays etc.

She's obviously not happy with the arrangement tho, seeing as cleaning is beneath her. OP have you asked her why she doesn't manage to get any cleaning done? Suggest to her she pays for a cleaner out of her £500 and sorts it out ASAP.

If I was working lomg hours and my other half was say at home indulging in a hobby on my dime, if bloody expect to come home to a clean house and a tastey meal stepford wives style.

Arisbottle Sat 09-Feb-13 21:11:41

I think if you are out at work all day of is fair enough to expect most of the housework to be done.

She is taking the piss.

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 21:43:44

I don't really imagine that lots of posters on MN can imagine my life.

But I spend ten hours a week doing all the laundry from start to finish.

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 21:46:24

I think calling the OP's partner a 'lazy cow' is unnecessary. He came on here to ask about getting a cleaner amongst other things, not to have his DP character assassinated.

Bearbehind Sat 09-Feb-13 21:46:49

Seriously linerunner, how much do you have to do and what do you do with it that it takes 10 hours without ironing, I am genuinely intrigued?

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 21:51:56

I have ten hours of laundry to do a week, from start to finish. I can't really say it any differently.

Bearbehind Sat 09-Feb-13 21:55:41

Jeez, if my laundry took 10 of the 168 hours in the week I'd have to give up sleeping!

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 21:57:37

Have you ever thought of a career in stand-up?

purrpurr Sat 09-Feb-13 21:58:05

OP, how long has your partner been solely responsible for housework? And how much mess do you create?

I'm solely responsible for housework. My DH is incredibly messy. I lower my standards each week. We now live in comfortable chaos. If I wanted to keep a lovely clean, tidy home I'd have to follow him around. All the time. I'm not a slave.

Bearbehind Sat 09-Feb-13 22:00:57

No Linerunner but I might try it given all the spare time I save on my laundry!

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 22:18:50

We could do a double act, Bear.

What does she do all day?

Equations.

Actually if you're ever passing, you can come and sort me out on the domestic front. I'm not a natural. smile

Bearbehind Sat 09-Feb-13 22:27:37

Linerunner, that made me laugh cos I am an accountant! I'll do your washing if you do my cooking! grin

LineRunner Sat 09-Feb-13 22:34:35

Sorted smile

Bedtime1 Sun 10-Feb-13 04:08:20

I think you should set up a account for all bills to come out of which pays for all expenses including shopping. Also if you want to save etc that has to go into the savings account. Then whatever's lefts after bills, savings, etc then you divide the amount equally between you and your wife which will be your spending money.

You never mentioned how much you are left with to spend on yourself each month?

I also agree that if your working long hours if she's fit and well she could do more around the home. I would say the artwork is a hobby really because it doesn't generate any income bar £20. However having said that if it's a new business with her art then possibly she is spending all her time getting it going, then that would be different. If she's been at it a long time and still only bringing in £20 then she's obviously not doing much in way of running it as a business.
Like another lady suggested she could do cleaning a few hours each day in the morning then do her artwork in the afternoon and some evenings/ weekends.
A member of my family is an artist and he has set up a website/ starting new company but also works doing freelance work in another field which actually takes up full time hours too. So there's enough time really if your organised.

whois Sun 10-Feb-13 08:26:29

I have ten hours of laundry to do a week, from start to finish. I can't really say it any differently

I was going to call bullshit on that, but actually I can see how for a family of 5 it mounts up.

3 to 5 loads of bed linen a week depending on size of bed and a once weekly change.
3 towel loads a week assuming a once weekly change.
8 normal loads a week maybe.
Any extra loads if you have sport playing DCs or a baby or other extra washing requirement.

By the time you've sorted, hung out to dry, folded and put away and changed the beds I can see how it adds up. If you're using a tumble dryer I don't really get it tho.

As soon as I have DCs I'm going to have a 'tumble dry' only rule and my hang things out like I do at the moment!

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