To think you should give a friend a lift home if it's raining?

(337 Posts)
eggsy11 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:33:34

This may be more a chat thing, but think I need the harshness of AIBU to see if I do have the right to be mad at my friend!

Have done A LOT of favours for this friend, but won't include that in the argument since I didn't do them to be paid back... but it is what is annoying me about the situation.

Another mum at DS's nursery saw me and DS huddling under the doorway until the hail past. Said hello, grabbed her DS and drove home. DS was screaming because he was scared. He was under his raincover in the pram, and it was a 15 minute walk so it was only me that got wet. But it was still horrible and I was literally soaked to the skin.

I know the mum would of had to drop us home (5 min drive) and come back for her DS, as there was only 1 car seat. But there is no way i'd walk past my friend like that! She is always early to pick up her DS so it wouldn't of been an issue since it's daycare, not like at school.

Am I being unfair? Is it our fault we don't have a car? I just think it would of been nice!

(btw she wasn't in a rush. pictures on facebook of them cuddled up watching cbeebies etc when they got home!)

socharlottet Wed 13-Feb-13 10:37:47

YABU!!
If you want a ride, buy a car

Because its not true a drip feed embellishment as no one agreed with op

Seabird72 Tue 12-Feb-13 23:43:13

interested in why she could drop a teddy at your reception so you could drop it into the nursery for her child because you work nearby. Why ?

foreverondiet Tue 12-Feb-13 22:19:42

I probably would have offered a lift but pointed out that no car seat or offered to drop you home to get your car (if you have one). I think u to expect her to go home and leave her child. Fwiw I have 6 car seats now in my car and always offer lifts but sometimes the lift has been on the basis of say putting a 2 year old in a high back booster, rather than stage one car seat.

sherazade Tue 12-Feb-13 19:55:11

The only person I would expect a lift from, had I been in the same situation as yourself (ie telepathic person would would put me before their dc, wouldn't mind being delayed for an out of the way trip, have to change their plans for me) is my mum. Because she is like that.

bedmonster Tue 12-Feb-13 14:28:10

I read up to page 8, posted, then read the rest, its an epic thread!

Sirzy Tue 12-Feb-13 13:59:04

Bed I assume you haven't read the thread in full then as people have given plenty of reasons why it simply wouldn't be practical.

bedmonster Tue 12-Feb-13 13:53:49

Wow, I can't believe so many of you wouldn't have offered op a lift. How bloody tight and mean spirited. The friend hadn't picked up her dc already, he would never have know his mum was there and then wasn't.
I would have and have done things like this, its what I class as being a friend.
It would have taken 15 minutes all round for the friend, op has put herself out plenty of times for the friend.

Madmum24 Tue 12-Feb-13 10:40:30

I have been in the position of the OP's friend, given lifts and regretted it. Simply because living in the UK we get a lot of crap weather and it can become a pattern for walkers to get used to having lifts (IME after you've offered a few times it then becomes expected) and whilst I don't mind doing a once off and I also don't mind slinging my kids in the boot I don't want to do it every time the weather is bad.

driving LOVING the ask v guess thing. I'm an ask, hubby was a guess until I taught him how annoying it is! It is not ok to moan about not getting something, if you did not ask for it!

twinklesparkles Sun 10-Feb-13 20:06:54

Why did you wait 10 mins in the rain if it was only a 15 min walk??

You couldve been home in 15 mins with a scared ds, rather than 25 mins with a scared ds hmm

I just don't understand why you didn't start walking

pigletmania Sun 10-Feb-13 16:11:15

I could never have asked even if you have done her favours. Why dident you just ask her, she cannot read your mind hmm

pigletmania Sun 10-Feb-13 16:10:06

If he was really scared why dident you just phone for a taxi! My ASD dd has meltdowns ccasionally and I have had to call a taxi if I'm far rater than try and walk her home

drivingmisspotty Sun 10-Feb-13 16:01:59

Eggsy sorry if someone has mentioned this before as I haven't read the whole thread but I think you and your friend might be having a difference where she is 'ask culture' and you are 'guess culture' see here
philosophistry.com/archives/2008/06/ask-culture-vs.html

I heard about this first on mumsnet and found it really useful as I always thought it was rude to ask for favours too but it is just another way of doing things. ..

FakePlasticLobsters Sun 10-Feb-13 15:54:08

It would have been nice for her to offer, presuming she didn't have an urgent reason to get home which you are unaware of and it was possible to leave her son a little longer.

She may not have realised why your son was screaming.

But you say that in the past she has asked you to do favours for her and you have agreed.

The difference here is that you didn't ask her and she didn't read your mind.

She may have been distracted and thought to herself later on that she could/should have offered you a lift, but if you didn't ask at the time you can't really complain that she didn't offer, especially as you say you didn't do the favours for her in expectation of her doing them back.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 10-Feb-13 15:42:27

Get a car OP, or get used to walking in all weathers. it is not the duty of other Mothers to ferry your kids around just because there is a bit of rain. And unbelievabe that you should judge that she should HAVE been running your around rather than spending quality time with her own child.

pigletmania Sun 10-Feb-13 15:36:28

Yabvvvu I am saying this as a non car driver. She would have to go out of her way to give you a lft and leave her ds behind whilst taking you home. You never ever expect. If its ffered it's nice if not nevermind, a bit of rain won't melt you!

toffeelolly Sun 10-Feb-13 15:34:16

If your ds was so upset with rain, why not ring for a taxi IF you have a phone. Nobody has to give you a lift !

ilovesooty Sun 10-Feb-13 14:45:31

If she thought about me a bit without having to ask it wouldn't bother me so much! I'm too shy to bring it up as she obviously sees it as a non-issue!

If you lack assertiveness skills that's hardly her fault.

snowtimelikethepresent Sun 10-Feb-13 13:55:37

Trills

she may of really needed the loo surely grin

Trills Sun 10-Feb-13 13:52:03

Good point, she may have really needed the loo.

Isityouorme Sun 10-Feb-13 07:18:50

I'm still triaged why it is not her fault that the OP doesn't have a car! Whose fault is it then?

<also sniggers at toilet humour>

Shodan Sat 09-Feb-13 23:39:49

CountTurdula Fri 08-Feb-13 17:49:11

"YABU by the way. She probably had shit to do."

Don't you mean a shit to do?

<childish snigger at wonderful aptness of name and self's pathetic joke>

LouMae Sat 09-Feb-13 23:33:32

If you don't have a car, your DS had better get used to the rain, because he's going to experience a lot more of it! That's just life when you don't have a car.

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