to have thrown water over DS (10) as he would not get dressed this morning?

(362 Posts)
StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 10:55:59

We are late almost every day due to DSs having no interest in getting ready for school and it is an ongoing problem where I am severely stressed out every morning.

It got to 8.25 this morning (we need to leave by 8.30) and DS1 was still in underpants jumping on his brother and fighting him. He had been repeatedly told to get dressed and I warned him I would do it.

I picked up a small jug of cold water I had been using for the iron and chucked it at him. He was soaked and had to change pants. He had some splashes of water on his clean and laid out ready school uniform but I told him to put it on.

I now feel very guilty and hate that I did it but the only other option was a hard slap on the arse IMO. So am I a child abuser?

LadyMargolotta Fri 08-Feb-13 11:46:10

This is what I would do:

I would take them to school a whole hour earlier then necessary (assuming there is early morning child care at the school).

Keep mornings simple. Get out of bed, clothes on, eat breakfast (if they don't have time to eat breakfast give them a banana in the car - no other option).

No washing (this happens the night before); no getting bags ready (this is done the night before); no TV, no phone, no iPad etc.

And for every time they are late, I would set the alarm clock ten minutes earlier.

Lancelottie Fri 08-Feb-13 11:46:15

Screen time and pocket money BTW don't seem sufficiently connected to the offence in this case (and I think he owes his brother his pocket money for the foreseeable future).

imo yabu

i can't figure how you let it get to 5 minutes before you have to leave and all you've done is keep 'telling him' to get on.

are you afraid of him?

there'd come a point where i'd be saying right, come on - are you getting up the stairs and getting dressed or am i carrying you like a baby? get him up the stairs and hand each piece of clothing to him if needs be - threaten that there will be no tv after school and he'll be in bed by 6pm if he wants to behave like this etc etc.

in fact a million other things you could have done before it getting to 5 minutes before leaving and resorting to jumping from asking to throwing water.

this is weird imo.

Lancelottie Fri 08-Feb-13 11:48:57

Hah - I'm bagging your idea about the '10 minutes earlier for every offence', LadyM.

Not that DS is awoken by alarm clocks anyway. That boy could sleep through the last trump.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:50:06

Sorry, Sarah Garland not Susan. this was the first book we got. There are many others.

Not a guru, just an author with some insight into what family life is really like.

Blatherskite Fri 08-Feb-13 11:50:10

I would..

Set alarms earlier. Put one in each room, make them loud and get up when they go off and start turning on lights, opening curtains and talking loudly/banging around until they're awake. The clocks can go back once they can prove they can be up and out on time. Put alarms far enough away from the bed that they have to get out to switch them off. Put another outside their doors.

Behaviour in the mornings affects treats in the evenings. Attitiude, messing around and making everyone late means no PC/Xbox/Wii/Favourite program/after school treat. Whatever means something to them.

Let them be late. Having to sign in late and getting into trouble with their teachers might shame them into trying harder.

what this reads as is that you said in an ineffective manner, 'come on, get ready for school'. then didn't follow it up. then repeated same ten mins later with no result and no follow up. ad infinitum till there was no time left (and in between presumably just ignoring that nothing is being done). then when your ineffective half arsed approach hadn't worked you suddenly realised the time, lost the plot and threw water over him.

it doesn't sound that grown up.

StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 11:51:31

By washing I am talking about face, hands and teeth. They bath in the evening.

The talking I have done until I am blue in the face!

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Feb-13 11:51:43

Omg it was a bit of water...not a vat of acid! I dread to think what some kids would do if they're parented so preciously!

My DD is 8 and wont get out of bed sometimes....I drag the duvet off and stand there tapping her and repeating GET UP GET UP GET UP!

If OPs son won't dress himself what's she to do? Ask him nicely? People on here are always suggesting people take their DC to school in their PJs if they wont get ready...now THAT'S humiliating!

He wont avoid dressing again tomorrow I bet.

DrSeuss Fri 08-Feb-13 11:51:48

I teach 11-16 year olds and we once had a mum pull up, chuck a pajama clad kid out of the car then march into Reception with a bag of uniform. She then left. We thought she was fantastic and the kid turned up on time in the future!

MariusEarlobe Fri 08-Feb-13 11:52:00

My dd is like this, every days a battle ground of me hurrying her along.
On my day off I'd had enough and gave her three warnings of time.
She still faffed so I left her to it. (She's up at six, everything's laid out ready, school is a few doors down)I offered help and was refused.

I gave her another warning at 8.50 and again offered help and was refused.

She came in ready to go at 9.40, I showed her time and she went mad because I always end up dressing her and running and this time I refused to.

She had to explain to head why she was late and apologise to teacher.

Whoknowswhocares Fri 08-Feb-13 11:53:18

For a 14 year old, I would reverse the drop offs so the little ones weren't late and let him get a detention
Plus remove access to computers or suchlike for the afternoon/evening of the offence
I'm hardcore though, my kids are now 19 and 16 and have both said they wished I'd smacked them, cos it would have been over quick and it really hurt them for me to remove the x-box! grin

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Feb-13 11:53:25

DrSeuss there we go....another example of people thinking it's ok to send a child out in nightwear...that is very humiliating and most kids would opt for a splash of water rather than that!

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:53:36

If OPs son won't dress himself what's she to do?

Not chuck water over him for starters grin

CremeEggThief Fri 08-Feb-13 11:55:34

Not kind or pleasant, but understandable, as a one-off. I know what it's like to feel at the end of my tether with the stress of a 10 year old DS and a school run. In fact, a few times I've been stressed out for the whole day with the amount of shouting we've both engaged in sad.

Let's hope he learns his lesson!

what's she to do?

give up i guess. not bother being a parent. just put her hands in the air and say he won't do what i tell him so there's nothing i can do.

ffs.

parent - that's what she's meant to do.

Oxford - opposite to me then! My mother never raised her voice or shows her feelings or praised us at all, still doesn't. Trying to have a conversation is nigh on impossible, my father left us in the end but I hardly blame him tbh. I wish she had sometimes as it was equally damaging to me to have this cold, non person as a mother.

Apologies - we both have had difficult experiences in opposite directions.

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Feb-13 11:59:03

Well parenting can include the odd shock tactic. Why is it ok to take a child out in his pyjamas....humiliating him in front of his peers....rather than chuck a bit of water on them?

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:59:09

Why though are any of these punishments even necessary?

I must be really lucky and have ace kids I think. They want to be ready and we work at it together, it's not a war, I suppose I understand that if they didn't want to do it, there'd be a reason for that and I respect that. Say if they have trouble with other kids or the work or something...and they you sort that out.

If they just don't want to go to school, full stop, then you need to look at why, and if they do but are just reluctant to get ready then you have to put it to them that it's their choice and so you'll not force them.

I dunno, it just seems so bizarre that people are scrapping with their kids over this issue. There are so many other things you could be fighting about!

Agree though with other posters, organisation is key!!

SocialClimber Fri 08-Feb-13 11:59:32

I would suggest that if this is a daily occurence, then you are getting up too late.

The only time I have stressed mornings is when I get up too late. If my kids don't hear me get up, they don't stir. So if I'm up late, they're up late. If your kids are getting up before you and they still aren't ready by the time you need to leave, I'd ask you if you stay in bed after they have risen?

CartedOff Fri 08-Feb-13 12:00:59

If they won't get up you could start taking their favourite items out of their room in five minute increments? Every five minutes that they aren't up, they lose another treasured toy or book or something along those lines.

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Feb-13 12:01:47

rooney congratulations on your unusual children. hmm It's not necessarily that children don't want to go to school...some of them are easily distracted or find getting dressed a pain....just because yours want to be on time, does not mean other people are bad parents or that their DC re unhappy.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 12:02:28

Crikey I stay in bed sometimes when they get up - depends when it is and how zombified I am by the baby being awake from 12-5am grin

I'll drag my arse out of bed at latest by 7.45 and we'll be out by 8.15, but normally I'm up at 7ish with them.

Breakfast is always had either in front of the tv or in the car. But it works.

instantfamily Fri 08-Feb-13 12:02:52

thanks, Rooney!

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