to have thrown water over DS (10) as he would not get dressed this morning?

(362 Posts)
StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 10:55:59

We are late almost every day due to DSs having no interest in getting ready for school and it is an ongoing problem where I am severely stressed out every morning.

It got to 8.25 this morning (we need to leave by 8.30) and DS1 was still in underpants jumping on his brother and fighting him. He had been repeatedly told to get dressed and I warned him I would do it.

I picked up a small jug of cold water I had been using for the iron and chucked it at him. He was soaked and had to change pants. He had some splashes of water on his clean and laid out ready school uniform but I told him to put it on.

I now feel very guilty and hate that I did it but the only other option was a hard slap on the arse IMO. So am I a child abuser?

I think punishing a child using food is far worse than chucking a tiny bit of water over them to be honest!

Piecesofmyheart Fri 08-Feb-13 11:30:28

I think your actions were pretty extreme and you need to have a serious chat with both boys and acknowledge that you lost control and that it's not an acceptable way to behave so they know they can't do it themselves.

Having said that I know the pain of painful mornings! My younger kids are brilliant. Its the eldest who dawdles and gets distracted. There are days when I literally have to stand over her. In your situation I reckon the key thing is to keep them separate with one getting dresses in your room.

Eskino Fri 08-Feb-13 11:30:55

You need to broaden your horizons OP if your only two options in dealing with a 10 yo who behaves like a 10 yo in the mornings is physical punishment or physical punishment. Chill out.

And yes I have brought up two 10 yo boys. Successfully. Without laying a finger on them or throwing anything at them.

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:31:54

I bet if you removed TV/computer for every 5 mins they messed around they would pull their socks up!

GoSuckEggs Fri 08-Feb-13 11:32:34

YANBU!! I get DH with a super soaker filled with FREEZING cold water when he wont get out of the bath! grin He squeals like a girl!

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:32:52

And stop shouting, it clearly isn't working and they aren't listening and it's making you even more stressed. Save shouting for something really special wink

FarBetterNow Fri 08-Feb-13 11:33:41

Gordy: 'If they mess around they get a warning - and then a punishment (no packed lunch, no DS that evening etc)'.

Just wondering what they eat for lunch?

specialsubject Fri 08-Feb-13 11:34:00

the lesson is that if you annoy your parents enough, they will do something that you may not like. The OP, as a grown up, didn't hit (even though she felt like it, she controlled herself), didn't throw anything solid, simply administered a small shock.

as others say - actions need to have consequences. At 10 he knows exactly what he is doing.

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 11:36:47

It's not abuse.

Now I have that out of the way..

The more kids are rushed the more they dig their heels in.
They also get to rely on you to get them sorted in the nick of time. They know you will not let it go to the point of them being late and in trouble.

Get him to sort his stuff the night before.
Give him a time he has to be up
A time he has to be back upstairs after breakfast
A time he has to be dressed
A time he has to be at the door in his coat.
Is leaving him behind an option? Can you leave him with OH whilst you get out on time and he has to deal with the consequences.

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 11:37:25

No packed lunch?
Really?

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:37:47

The thing is my ds would then think it was fine and dandy to chuck water when he wasn't getting his way so I'd be on a losing streak if I did it.

It's the same as smacking, it immediately makes YOU the bad guy, whereas if you stay calm (hard!) you always have the upper hand.

ReallyTired Fri 08-Feb-13 11:37:54

My son is eleven and we have similar issues. I think the OP knows in her heart that throwing water at somene is not OK.

Things that help us is to have a rule

1)No TV or computer until you have eaten breakfast, got dressed and brushed your teeth.

2) If you are ready to leave for school at 8.45 then no TV or computer in the evening and early bedtime.

3) It helps to lay out clothes and get everything ready the night before

4) We have a time table drawn out by my son. Ie. how long he needs to wash, get dressed and eat breakfast.

5) Allow him to be late and accept the flack of the head teacher. If you have a kind head teacher then he/she will your child a telling off for being late. Our head teacher talked to my son about drawing up a timetable to ensure he was not late for school.

6) Rewards like having chocolate spread on toast or being allowed TV can work well.

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:38:10

I imagine they have school dinners instead.

gordyslovesheep Fri 08-Feb-13 11:40:30

yes they have school dinners grin blimey I don't starve them grin we pay for dinners daily at the school

StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 11:40:31

So can someone give me some options then for next week, taking into account my last post on what has been already tried?

We already have no TV, games or computer in the AM. Very interested to know what I have not thought of yet. I have already threatened going to school in pjs but I would be unable to carry one of or both thrashing 10 years out to the car in them as there is no way they would go outside in them willingly!

Whoknowswhocares Fri 08-Feb-13 11:40:35

So you lost your temper and threw some water....not ideal, but hardly crime of the century!

the point is, what punishment will be invoked tonight for his misbehaviour? I'm going to guess that usually it's 'nothing' seeing as he keeps playing you up. withdraw some treat that he usually enjoys this evening (tv, games console, chocolate etc) Make damn sure the other kids are allowed to do it/have it!!!!!

a couple of times should be enough for a attitude adjustment

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:41:31

I can't imagine how people manage without telly in the mornings! You're missing Inazuma 11 sad

not that I sit and watch it with them

seriously though it really seems to focus them, on something, even if that's not getting ready. and they do manage both.

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:42:14

Do they lose screen time if they mess around in the morning?

Do they lose pocket money?

Pagwatch Fri 08-Feb-13 11:42:56

Why do you say 'yeah, right' about talking to them?

I have had two boys and both have been ten. They are not babies. Why can't you talk to them?

ReallyTired Fri 08-Feb-13 11:43:46

StuckForAUserName

What about making sure your children get up earlier if your present morning routine is not working.

valiumredhead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:44:28

Talking works!

Lancelottie Fri 08-Feb-13 11:44:28

Any suggestions, O Wise Ones, for similar situation with 14-yr-old DS?

He ought to be getting himself to school. I know this. But as we chose to send him to one that isn't on a bus route, he's dependent on a lift by car from one of us unless he gets up in time to cycle (not practical with a tuba and sports kit).

He starts off well enough but chews his breakfast moonily in half-asleep state, then takes forever to clean his teeth (takes ages as he has a mega-braces with connecty bits). So by the time I'm on his case and ranting at him, he can legitimately say, in wounded tones, 'I have to clean them properly! You're always saying!'

ATM DH is ill so the whole morning is down to me. To get younger sibs to school on time, DS needs to get his arse in gear in the car by 8:05, or else HE isn't late but THEY are.

By this age I think he ought to have got it without needing a star chart, frankly.

instantfamily Fri 08-Feb-13 11:44:55

Rooney, who is Susan Garland - is she the guru that will make my mornings calmer as well?

OP, probably not good practice but completely understandable.

Psammead Fri 08-Feb-13 11:44:58

It's not child abuse, but it's not really ideal! Find a solution, as Pag said - talk to him about other options.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:45:54

x posts.

OP I think your problem might be that they know how wound up you are about it and that makes it all so much worse.

If they know you're fine with it if they don't get out in time, it's their problem and they have to decide what matters to them - if you just chilled about it instead of it being the be all and end all of life - maybe they would get that much needed grip as well?

I don't know why it is but people who stress to the max about going out in time, punishments etc etc seem to be the ones whose children play up the most.

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