to want to be there for all my children's firsts?

(168 Posts)
Mytimewillcome Fri 08-Feb-13 08:45:16

I suppose I don't really understand the people who say that they don't mind if, say their mil, can take their children to the park for the first time. I'd rather do that if at all humanly possible. I see it as some of these people wanting to do firsts with our children have already done it with theirs so surely if we want to we should be able to and not have to worry about someone else trying to take that moment away from us? It annoys me that someone like me is labelled as being selfish. Surely its the other person who is selfish for wanting to take that moment away from me?

Quenelle Fri 08-Feb-13 09:54:50

There are some firsts that your DC might enjoy more with someone else, so in that respect it would be selfish to insist on doing it yourself. DS would much rather see real live aeroplanes up close with Grandad than me, because Grandad knows all about them and can make it a better experience for him.

And I would much rather NOT see his first tooth fall out. I can't imagine anything worse.

Eebahgum Fri 08-Feb-13 09:54:59

Think zillionchocolate has it spot on. I may not be in the same room as my ds when some of his significant firsts happen but that will not mean I don't cherish seeing each event for the first time. I think the first time I see him take a few wobbly steps or say 'mumumum' will be magical - even if he did it at grandma's house yesterday or while he was at the childminders. X

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 09:56:29

IM sure my cat saw dd2s first smile <gutted>

DeWe Fri 08-Feb-13 09:57:15

What about the first "first time they go with someone else"? You'll never be there for that. grin

Sirzy Fri 08-Feb-13 09:59:14

A nurse saw DS smile first, and then spent ages trying to get him to do it again so we could take a photo!

AmandaPayne Fri 08-Feb-13 10:00:32

The thing I don't really get is that I don't know when my children did their first step, first word, etc. And for one child I wasn't working at all, and barely ever left them with anyone, so I was definitely there. It wasn't like one day they couldn't walk and then next they did a big step. They just sort of wobbled about a bit until it was definitely a 'step' and not a shifting of feet. Same with talking, at what point does a babble become a word?

I do actually remember the first time we went to the park with both my DD's, because it was round the corner and just about the first time we left the house with either of them. But that's special because they were brand new and it was one of my first memories of them, not because it was a park IYSWIM.

My children are only 3 and 1, but I think that the most special memories are not those designated special - the first this, the first that. They are just special because they are happy, or exciting, or bittersweet. One of my fondest 'park' memories is huddling in a playhouse with both of them as it decided to absolutely bucket down. They thought it was a hilarious adventure and giggled like mad to each other.

Ha ! Impossible to catch a babies first smiles on camera !

- You could try video though smile

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 10:02:31

amanda my children are 15 and 19 so if you cant quite recall the exact moment at your childrens ages what chance do I have grin

Sirzy Fri 08-Feb-13 10:03:51

We managed to do it eventually, all the nurses kept coming in to try to see him smile as it cheered them up on a mad shift! Fantastic photo of him even if he is on oxygen in it!

diplodocus Fri 08-Feb-13 10:04:27

To be honest, I was as PFB as they come, but now the DDs are 5 and 7 I struggle to remember the firsts - it all sort of rolls into one. It's avctually not the stuff that sticks on your memory (well not mine anyway).

Amanda you've reminded me of my first trip out of doors with dd. However, my memory of her all set up in her pram at the bottom of the stairs is so vivid, I was so excited to see her looking wrapped up and cosy and ready for me to push, I remember saying "You look splendid!" And all the emotions of going out for this first walk with my DH making the effort to get me out the house and make it a good experience, he bought me a coffee for the cupholder on the pram. It was wonderful.

And, yes, MIL and PIL had taken her out in her pram before I had.

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 10:09:59

memories are so much more than the first and yes they do sort of roll into 1

Im pretty sure my dd took her first steps at nursery. But when she did it at home it was the first time for me.

But there are some firsts that I treasure. Their first day of school, the first school play, the first christmas. Those are things i wouldnt have missed

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 10:10:52

you get cupholders for prams these days REALLY i so missed out on that

ssd Fri 08-Feb-13 10:11:09

op, if you are working you'll miss a lot of firsts, its not rocket science, posting on here about how important it is to you wont change a thing

I'd like to remove that "However" from my previous post. It's not making any sense.

AThingInYourLife Fri 08-Feb-13 10:11:24

I don't care about being there the first time.

I want to be there the best time.

Fuck first step, first trip to the park, first word.

I'm all about the best step, the best go on the swings, the best word.

[competitive]

bigkidsdidit Fri 08-Feb-13 10:17:24

Same as Amanda - my DS didn't suddenly 'walk' or say a word. He babbled for ages adn the babbles got gradually more recognisable. likewise he tottered and fell over a lot and gradually got better at walking. They weren't really 'firsts'.

JackieandJudy Fri 08-Feb-13 10:22:51

I thought you were talking about first class degrees and came on to congratulate you on your super intelligent dc.

I remember my MIL telling me she couldn't remember what dh's first words had been or how old he was when he'd taken his first step etc, and thinking "how can she not remember?". Twenty odd years later, can I remember such details about my four? Well, vaguely perhaps ...

I do remember both my DCs first steps (missed DS's, as I had my back turned, saw DD's which was in front of the whole extended family, perfect timing). I also remember being amazed when DS just set off and crawled one day.

We also have 'first' words, the DCs talk about their first words quite often, they were both the times that they both said something really clearly that wasn't mama, dada etc.

First nativity etc are also important. But not so bothered about first trip to the theatre (wasn't with me), first trip to the park (no recollection of this at all, we went all the time), first tooth being swallowed (we just laughed about that).

Mine are 9 and 7 now, we get little firsts all the time still and they are moments to treasure whether we see them first hand, are told about them by school or they happened at grandparents. Better to treasure them all and share the joy around than to fret about missing any IMO.

WilsonFrickett Fri 08-Feb-13 10:28:50

DS crawled at nursery and I'm sure their policy was not to say it but to wait till the DCs did it at home kind of thing, but the staff were so excited for him and me that when I came to collect him they were all shouting 'look, look, look at WilsonJr, do it WilsonJr, crawl to mummy' which he (eventually) did. 'Twas lovely. Absolutely lovely that they loved it. Made it even more special.

Also first time at the park he was 3 days old. Wasn't that special, he couldn't even manage the slide grin.

Flobbadobs Fri 08-Feb-13 10:29:53

When I worked as a nursery nurse I saw loads of firsts. The child who crawled yesterday would stand up on their own the next, it was lovely to see but we never told the parents, ever. We would wait until the parent told us and then be very enthusiastic and proud with them.
I actually told a little fib to MIL and let her believe she saw DD2 clap for the first time when she babysat for us. Hurts no one and she went home chuffed and a little tearful!
YABU, it's not the firsts that always count, it's seeing them progress from the firsts to confident little people imo.

musicposy Fri 08-Feb-13 10:39:46

You think it's important now, but it really isn't. What Flobbadobds said about seeing them progress is what counts.
When they get older you forget them anyway. I know that seems impossible to you now.

When you're dealing with boyfriends and late night parties and drinking and making sure they don't put naked pictures on facebook you honestly won't even remember when the first time they did stuff was.

You'll carry lots of happy memories of their childhood, but often, surprisingly, those are the little things, the fleeting moments. The time they drew you a picture. The time you went on holiday together. The last day before they started school. One Christmas when they got some tiny present they'd been desperate for. Firsts fade because they are replaced by bigger and better firsts.

Then they get to 13 and 17 like mine and believe me, you really don't want to be there for any of their firsts! grin

Relax a little. It's less important than you think it is.

Floggingmolly Fri 08-Feb-13 10:44:14

Ah, Flobbadobs, good on you!

NopeStillNothing Fri 08-Feb-13 10:45:51

Yabu, if you insist on being the one to experience every single first, your child will never be able to spend any time away from you for about the first 2 years!
Ofcourse there are certain moments that are lovely to save just for you but it's unfair for GP especially to have to double-think trivial things like taking their GC to the park just incase it interferes with Mummys image of the picture perfect first time.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now